‘How can you stay single for so long? Don’t you miss sex?’ Questions like these have always been asked and I have always shrugged them away. I have been single for the last one decade or so and have never felt the need to mingle with anyone just for physical pleasure. Yes, there are times I crave for some one I could talk to, pour my heart to, but that is purely because I as a human like to connect to people. I like the idea of forging a deep connection with some one but physicality seems to be a very irrelevant part of the equation. The connection that I seek is that of understanding, warmth and care.
I recently came across the term ‘asexuality’ and somehow I can identify with it. Sex does not interest me as much as most people who seem to living and breathing sex in everything that they do. I don’t forge deep connections with random people. It takes me time to know someone before I can trust them enough to have something more than a casual conversation with them. Some people might argue that I may be a demisexual person or some one who can only think of creating a physical connection after they connect with the person emotionally. I honestly don’t know because I have never been interested in sex after my husband passed away. To be even more honest, I did not even understand the whole fuss about it even then!
I am quite okay in terms of my orientation if that is where your brain is taking you. Why do people start going in this direction if some one says that they are asexual anyways? Lack of interest in sex does not mean anything. The media has created this hype just like Archies created the hype about love and romance. Being loving and romantic does not mean an Archies card and similarly love or affection is not measured by sex. It is not even measured by the Mills and Boons or Shades of Gray standards where the lead characters cannot even breathe without throwing themselves at each other!
Come to think of it, sex was never given so much importance in India. After my grandfather passed away at a relatively young age, my grandmother remained single all her life. I have seen many of my relatives (especially women) staying single after the death of their spouses. They were so busy looking after their parents or children or work, that they never felt the need to find someone again.
I am glad that more and more people are realizing that sex is not as important as people would like us to believe. Sex is just a means of procreation (even that has been taken over by surrogacy and other methods), providing pleasure (not for all) and nothing more. So, lets stop talking about sex all the time and concentrate on better things to do- like making the world a more habitable place sans all the wars and strife!