The online dating apps have proved to be a life saver for the trapped or even unattached Indian men (and even women) who are looking for a ‘little bit of fun’. These apps promise them an exciting world full of beauty, adventure and anonymity from the comfort of their computers!
The phone is a convenient tool for people who seek love online
In the movie, ‘Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani’, Ranbir Kapoor says, ‘ Shaadi is dal chawal for pachaas saal till you die. Arre life mein thoda bahut keema pav, tangdi kabab, hakka noodle bhi hona chahiye na?’ (Shaadi is rice and lentils for the next fifty years till you die. One should have a bit of keema pav, kebab, hakka noodles too, isn’t it?) This sentiment has been echoed time and again in most Hindi movies, where the poor husband has no choice but to listen to his wife for the rest of his life. It doesn’t matter whether it is an arranged marriage or the one done out of love. The husband cannot help but be tormented by his ever present wife. In movies like Pati, Patni Aur Woh, Sanjeev Kumar loves his wife Vidya Sinha but later falls for Ranjeeta who is obviously more beautiful and desirable. From then till now, countless movies like Biwi No.1 and many more have depicted the adventures of husbands who are fed up with dal chawal and go out to seek more in the world. More often than not they are caught in the end or suffer a heartbreak by the other woman and apologize the wife. But does it really impact their appetite or quest for variety? The advent of apps like Tinder, Aisle, Truly Madly has probably come as an answer to the collective prayers of those poor Indian men who have been desperately looking for some kind of distraction or fun on the side which can spice up their mundane existence. Not all men on these apps are married, some of them are looking for partners because they have been divorced or widowed or were never married in the first place. But then, we all know dating is not as easy as it sounds. It is a game which has been played between men and women for centuries. Earlier, the women played coy, made the men chase them, woo them or even invest in them. Most of these games haven’t changed- they have just been transferred into the online world.
Dating Games
The online world is an interesting place. You can see a man or a woman sitting on the bed or the couch engrossed in their phones, perhaps with a slight smile or a frown on their face and you would not suspect a thing! You wouldn’t know if the man is trying to woo a woman or doing his office work. This is particularly the case of the poor unsuspecting wife in the lockdown who thinks that her oh-so-sincere husband is working from home to ensure that the money flow is not interrupted. She does not question him because he is there right in front of her eyes, looking perfectly innocent! When he gets a phone call, he steps out for hours because he tells her that the background noises in the house tend to disturb his conversations. She agrees and lets him go. After all, what can he do amidst the prying eyes of the neighbours? He is only talking to people in his office! Isn’t he? Sumit, 41 has been working from home since last year. Initially, he found it quite boring because there was nothing else to do except work. He could not gossip with his colleagues or have lunch outside the office. He says, ‘In our office, there are a lot of beautiful young girls who work as interns. It is so refreshing to see a pretty face, the first thing in the morning.’ However, with the lockdown, things changed. Now all he saw was his wife, children and old parents. Meeting friends was fraught with dangers lest he gets COVID. He was at his wit’s end with boredom till he chanced upon a Tinder ad on the net. He logged in and hasn’t been able to log out till date. He says, ‘Life has definitely become more interesting. I cannot meet the girl physically but then apart from that there is nothing we cannot do. There are so many girls I have connected with. Some are intelligent, others are good looking- I am spoilt for choices and my wife does not have to know! She knows I am working hard to make the ends meet. Talking to these girls is like a breath of fresh air and I am hurting no one!’ There are many such men, married and not married. who have found breather from their mundane existence through these dating apps. Joseph 38 has been separated from his wife for the last 8 years. He is not officially divorced as a result of the family. He has been on Tinder for the last 3 years. ‘As a man, there are times I crave for physical intimacy. However, I am not ready for any kind of commitment. Apps like Tinder have people who look for a similar ‘no strings attached’ arrangement which was an ideal situation for me.’ So, how has he been faring after COVID? ‘These days, I have gotten into the online mode where I can talk to the person through video or audio or skype. We can delve into all kinds of talks including the intimate ones and that helps me to cope with my loneliness.’ Satish Kumar, 41, divorcee, and an entrepreneur from Hyderabad, who is at the moment stuck in Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh says, ‘Dating apps are a huge respite for a person like me who is stuck here in the pandemic. I had come to see off my parents who were going to visit my sister in USA. As a result of the lockdown, I couldn’t travel back to my place. I pass my time by chatting with people, especially women from different walks of life.’
The Con Game
So, how has his experience been on these dating apps? Satish says, ‘I am primarily on Tinder and Aisle. Tinder has an advantage that you can connect with people all over the world. I have many friends in different parts of the world whom I can talk to. However, Tinder has a lot of men and women who are nothing but con artists who seek gullible people to extort money. I befriended a divorcee on Tinder. Since I too am looking for a long-term relationship and eventually marriage, I found her good to talk to and we connected well. After a few weeks, she told me that she needed money for her eight-year-old daughter’s treatment. Since, I am myself a father, I could identify with her pain and sent her the money within no time. The next day she had blocked me and all my attempts to contact her failed.’ However, these con games are not just played with men alone. Gullible women are also entrapped by men on these dating sites. Gayatri, a divorcee and an architect from Coimbatore was duped by Prateek who told her that he was short of cash for his mother’s treatment. They had met some months back and Gayatri liked him. ‘I thought he was such a dutiful son to his mother. I talked to his mother on the video call and she seemed like a nice lady. She told me that she had been looking for a daughter-in-law like me who would be a good wife for her son.’ Prateek even came to meet her a couple of times. ‘He seemed to be a decent guy and I thought he was genuinely interested in me. He wasn’t looking for physical intimacy at the moment he said; he was only looking for a long-term relationship that could culminate into marriage. I felt as if he was the answer to all my prayers.’ After some months of regularly talking on the phone and video calls, at about 1 am in the night, Prateek called up Gayatri and said that he needed money for his mother’s heart surgery. ‘He said his mother had suffered a heart attack and even showed her sleeping in some kind of a hospital bed. I could not suspect anything because by that time I was convinced that we will be soon married.’ She transferred 20,000. She tried calling up Prateek afterwards but since then his number is always switched off.
Dr. Anamika Papriwal, a psychologist believes that it is not just the pandemic that has made people vulnerable but also the excessive phone talks. ‘There is no doubt that the pandemic has contributed to a heightened feeling of vulnerability. Most people are finding themselves trapped at home with nowhere to go out. How long can you talk to your friends and even family about the routine, every day happenings? Moreover, these talks don’t impact the brain as much as the talks on the phone do because when you listen to the other person on the phone, it is like some one whispering in your ear. It is more personal, more intimate and it registers in your brain more deeply. These people who manage to dupe people out of such a lot of money are actually called con or confidence artists. If you listen to their talks, they will talk in a very soft and soothing voice which inspires feelings of love, even lust and above all confidence and intimacy. You then start depending on this person and are afraid to lose him or her. The moment they sense this, they move in for the kill.’ Kamaal, 45 believes that the very fact that they enjoy talking to men and women on dating apps makes these people vulnerable. ‘Let us face it. I would not attribute the entire problem to the con artists or the men or women who use these platforms to get money out of people! The truth is that these men and women are having so much fun talking to these people that they stop thinking logically and get duped. The person on the other end knows that she is speaking to someone who is looking for spice in life and she or he provides that spice. If the other person ends up being swindled for being such a love-struck fool, whose fault, is it?’
THIS ARTICLE BY SHAILAZA SINGH APPEARED IN RASHTRADOOT’S ARBIT ON JUNE 1, 2021
The doors have opened. People refuse to be confined to their homes despite the much feared return of the pandemic and its horrors. Amidst the social distancing and face masks, audience at Ravindra Manch were more than ready to watch the new play ‘Rashmirathi’ and get spellbound by theatre once again!
When I received the invite to Ram Dhari Singh Dinkar’s classic Hindi epic poem Rashmirathi which was being directed by Abhishek Mudgal, I was apprehensive yet excited. Like everyone else, I have been reading about the return of COVID and increasing in the number of cases. However, the chance was too good to miss. After a year of overdose of stay-at-home shows and movies on Netflix and other OTT platforms, I was craving for something different. When I reached Ravindra Manch, where the play was being held, I saw no crowds outside. This made me think that perhaps, the people weren’t ready to come out yet. The play had already started when I went in. I looked around expecting to see a nearly empty hall. However, almost all the seats were occupied! Everyone was staring raptly at the stage where the actors were performing. I sat down and looked at the gentleman sitting in the adjacent seat. He was so busy watching the performance that he did not even look up to acknowledge that a new person had sat next to him. I turned my attention to the stage where the actors where performing. In the current scene, Vasudev Krishna had come to Hastinapur as the ambassador of peace. After a while, the scene shifted to Karna’s conversation with Krishna who tells him that he is actually Kunti’s son and Pandavas’ eldest brother. Karna breaks down and tells Krishna that he cannot deceive his friend Duryodhana. Interestingly, there were no props on the stage. The male actors were bare chested and wore a simple dhoti while the female actors wore short white kurtas and dhotis. As Karna broke down and lamented his misfortune, the crowd was so moved that the hall resounded with the applause. Some even wiped the lone tear too! As I watched the play, I couldn’t help but sympathize with Karna, the man who was blessed by Gods but cursed by destiny. Whether it was sitting patiently despite the large insect gorging on his flesh so that his guru Parshuram could get the much-deserved rest or assuring Kunti, the mother who had abandoned him that he will not harm any of her sons except Arjun, Karna was a man who tried to do the right thing. However, the universe always conspired against him. The background music and acting ensured that the two hundred and fifty plus audience did not get up from their seats. Simple Impact Intrigued by the simple yet appealing presentation of the play, I quizzed Abhishek Mudgal. He said ‘This is a very long play which is divided into seven chapters. When I read it, I realized that if we clubbed it with costumes and sets, it would take the attention away from the very essence of the play which are dialogues and verse. So, we decided to keep the props symbolic and suggestive and I told the actors to concentrate on their dialogue delivery. Reception Abhishek was quite upbeat about the reception in Jaipur. ‘This was the fifth performance and we’ve had 100 plus people in all our other performances. The play will now be performed in places like Bikaner, Jodhpur and Allahabad.’ Tryst with Rashmirathi Rashmirathi was not as popular and hence became the obvious choice. ‘I have done different kinds of plays, including absurd plays, folk plays etc. During the pandemic we experimented on various genres like folk theatre, absurd theatre and realism. I had not attempted classical theatre. Between Dharmavir Bharti’s Andhayug and Rashmirathi, the latter was a better choice because Andhayug has been performed a number of times.’ Mahabharat’s Nepotism ‘The world today is no less different than what it was in the age of Mahabharat. Even today, if a person is talented and good at what he does but does not have the right level or contacts or caste or values, he does not find acceptance and struggles to make a place for himself. It takes time for any new actor despite his talent to actually find acceptance amongst the colleagues or audience. So, these things have been here since the era of Mahabharat. Karna was talented and according to some even better than Arjun. However, had it not been for Duryodhana, nobody would have recognized Karna for his talent. It was Duryodhana who elevated his status, made him a king and gave him a platform to showcase his talent to the world. Arjun could not kill Karna in an equal duel, so he killed him when he was trying to fix his chariot’s wheel. Karna was the reason why Duryodhana was prepared to fight the war because he depended on Karna’s prowess as a great warrior. We have always been told that the great war in Mahabharat was fought on Arjun’s merit. However, Dinkar’s book suggests that Karna was the reason why Duryodhana chose to fight in the first place.’ Preparation ‘The first rehearsals began on 5 September 2020 and the first show was performed on 8 November. So, it took us two months to prepare for the first show. During the initial twenty days, we spent in learning the Hindi words and their meanings because the play is written in pure Hindi. We spent a lot of time learning the meaning of every word. After that we learnt the dialogues and started rehearsing. The first show lasted three hours. We edited it further and in the fifth show we could limit it to two hours. We still have to edit it further to make it crisper.’ Discovering Hindi For Abhishek, reading Rashmirathi was like discovering a new universe of Hindi language. ‘This book made me realize the true depth of our literature and the kind of words that exist in our language. I wished I had read Rashmirathi earlier. While reading this play, I discovered so many new things about Hindi. I believe the younger generations should be exposed to these kinds of books and plays to truly understand the language. These days, we don’t even read many such masterpieces of Hindi literature that have been written by authors of the yore.’ Language no bar Abhishek believes that the language does not matter when it comes to plays. ‘In my years as a play director, I have realized that language does not hinder anyone from watching theatre. When we were performing some of our Rajasthani, Hindi or Urdu plays in the southern states of India, I was surprised to see a large number of audiences turn up for even ticketed plays that were in Hindi or Urdu. It was that which made me realize that that as long as the audience understands the body language, moves, theme of the play, they enjoy the play even if they don’t understand the language. They don’t need any translation. I remember there was a Manipuri play which was performed in Jaipur. I along with more than 800 people had attended the show. We had not understood the language but could understand everything else that was going on in the play.’ Pandemic plays The reception of Rashmirathi has buoyed his spirits. ‘Before the pandemic, most of my plays were being sold out. Now we have a lesser audience but I am glad that despite the pandemic scare people are still turning up to watch these plays. The truth is that we love live art because interacting with others, sharing thoughts and ideas is our very life blood. We as people cannot stay without it! So, yes we are slowly getting back and theater is coming back in a big way.’ The play was potent and moving. Yet, more moving was the realization that people will now no longer let COVID govern their lives. Yes, there were masks, there was social distancing and amidst all this, the play happened! After a year of drought and remaining indoors, the hungry spectators feasted on it with their eyes with no holds barred.
This article was published in Rashtradoot’s Arbit on 28 March 2021.
I am not much into reading political histories or dissecting the course of events in history. However, when it comes to the enigma of Pakistan, I like most Indians can participate in endless debates and discussions about the country. I have been fed movies, books and ideas stalwarts like Gandhi, Nehru, Sardar Patel and many more who have struggled for independence and resisted partition. I have been a witness to a plethora of discussions about how India and Pakistan can be friends or can never be friends. So, naturally when I read Professor Ishtiaq Ahmed’s book Jinnah: His Successes, Failures and Role in History, Penguin Viking, it stirred a hornet’s nest of questions in my mind about the much revered Quaid-e-Azam of Pakistan, Mohammed Ali Jinnah. Professor Ishtiaq Ahmed is a Swedish political scientist and author of Pakistani descent. He is also the Professor Emeritus of political science at Stockholm University and visiting professor, Government College University, Lahore.
While reading the book what struck me as odd was that until Jinnah relentlessly pursued it, though there were people thinking about creating a separate state for Muslims, no one thought of actually dividing India before 1940. Jinnah was merely a pawn used by the British to deepen the wedge between Jinnah’s Muslim League and the Indian National Congress.
“The British were now laying out a red carpet for Jinnah. However, it would be too hasty to draw the conclusion that the British were already plotting to divide India. At that point, the British strategy was mainly to checkmate congress ambition to drive British out.”
This quote from the book intrigued me. Was Jinnah the main force behind the partition of India? What would have happened had Jinnah not proposed the formation of Pakistan?
Professor Ahmed: Had Jinnah not proposed the formation of Pakistan, and it not been created as a separate state, the 1000-year-old experience of staying together would have become an asset. I am not saying that there would have been no problems or disputes or occasional communal riots. But what I believe is that there would have been a good balance. Contrary to what most people believe, the Congress never wanted to make India a Hindu state. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have included such a large percentage of Muslims in the Indian army.
The book brings another relatively unknown fact to light. Jinnah was never particularly keen about India’s freedom. In fact, he was quite happy had the British granted a dominion status to India. His letter to the British Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald in 1929 is quite revealing.
“ …I may tell you without exaggeration that the movement for independence is gaining ground, as it is supported by the Indian National Congress. […] I would urge upon you […] to persuade his Majesty’s government without delay to make a declaration that Great Britain is pledged to granting to India a full responsible government with dominion status.”
“ Jinnah was apparently speaking as an Indian patriot and blamed the British for the radical nationalists winning ground but was advising them to frustrate the Congress’s ambition to win independence for India by uniting all Indians”.
Time and again, the author mentions Jinnah’s and Gandhi’s relationship and the various skirmishes they had.
“That Jinnah and Gandhi could not develop a stable rapport was probably both a matter of negative chemistries as well as they’re over all political posturing. Jinnah considered himself Gandhi’s senior in so far as Indian nationalism was concerned. He cut his teeth in politics in 1906 while Gandhi was away in South Africa. Nevertheless, a process had been set in motion whereby Gandhi would upstage Jinnah has the premier leader of the Congress Party”
“In 1915, Jinnah was the head of the reception committee set up by the Gujrat Society (the Gurjar Sabha; both Jinnah and Gandhi were Gujaratis). Jinnah had very warmly welcomed Gandhi and praised his leadership in generous words. Gandhi responded by saying that he was ‘glad to find a Mohamedan not only belonging to his own region’s Sabha but chairing it.’”
“While some people feel that the remark was meant to demean Jinnah, others feel that Gandhi merely spoke in a spirit of elation and pride that fellow Hindu and Muslim Gujaratis were together in the nationalist awakening in those times.”
Yet there were times, Jinnah had to face embarrassment too!
“In 1917, Gandhi again offended Jinnah when the latter spoke at a public meeting in English, while Gandhi and his followers insisted that all speakers speak in an Indian language. They interrupted him repeatedly and Jinnah had to manage in his broken Gujarati.”
From your book it was clear that Jinnah did not like Gandhi! But Gandhi was a leader of the masses! How did he succeed despite Gandhi’s popularity?
Professor Ahmed: It was not just Gandhi. Jinnah had a problem in playing second fiddle to anyone. When people started gravitating towards Gandhi and the leadership of the Indian freedom struggle went to him by default, so Jinnah had no choice left but to create a counter leadership. So, he became a leader of the Muslims. However, not many people understand that his path was not easy. He had strong opponents like Maulana Abdul Kalam Azad and leaders from Jamiat Ulama-I-Hind, who were anti-imperialist. Despite all the opposition, he succeeded. In the second world war, Congress made a huge mistake. They promised the British support only on the condition that the British would initiate the transfer of power. Had they cooperated without this condition; the Muslim league wouldn’t have had even a remote chance! The main leaders of the Indian National Congress were arrested in the Quit India movement and remained in jails for three years. This eliminated all the competition for Jinnah. He could mobilize the Muslims with all the tall promises.
Yes, the promises made by Jinnah were indeed tall! He promised the fabled land not only to Muslims but to Sikhs and Dravidians of South India.
“Although Jinnah had on several occasions made the division of India sound fair: 200 million Hindus getting three-fourths of India while 90-100 million Muslims getting one-fourth, he gave different signals to the Sikhs and Dravidians of South India. To the Sikhs he offered a Sikh state if they could show him where its boundaries would be drawn. Implicitly it meant the few Sikh princely states because otherwise the Sikhs were not in a majority anywhere in Punjab, not even in the princely states. To the Dravidians, he pledged support for demanding a separate state in the South.”
Jinnah finally got the partition that he had worked for. However, instead of getting the whole of Punjab and Bengal, he got what he described as a ‘moth-eaten’ Pakistan. Is that why Pakistan has a victim mentality? Are things changing now?
Professor Ahmed: The very foundation of Pakistan is based on the blame game. It began with Jinnah who was the creator of the two-nation theory by saying Hindus and Muslims cannot be one nation. Even after the formation of Pakistan, Jinnah believed that the Congress was conspiring to harm Pakistan. However things have now started changing. After the release of my book, a lot of people have contacted me from places like Lahore and India. They ask me questions which have not been asked in the last 73 years. The new generation is yearning to break the shackles and people like Arzoo Kazmi, Abbas Haider are regularly posting videos which are self-critical and help in increasing awareness amongst the masses. I hope the narrative now turns into that Pakistan and India can be brotherly countries. There is a huge percentage of population in both India and Pakistan who don’t get food to eat. I believe that these issues of humanity can be resolved by both nations by diminishing the arms race and releasing the resources for the nation building and increasing the human betterment index. The people in power in both nations are enjoying themselves. In Pakistan, it is the poor who are bearing the brunt of this problem. The privileges of people in power are unbelievable! You should especially see the properties of the Pakistani army generals who retire. India still doesn’t have that level of corruption at least in the army. In Pakistan, generals have been able to purchase islands in Australia, create chains of restaurants, despite having no inherited wealth or property. Where do they get so much money to buy these properties?
“A favorite lament which one hears in Pakistan is that India could stabilize as a democracy because Prime Minister Jawahar Lal Nehru was the helm of affairs for seventeen long years to steer India away from disturbances and upheavals, while Pakistan’s bad luck was that Jinnah died too soon after Pakistan had come into being. Had he lived that long, Pakistan too would have become an ideal Muslim democracy. The facts belie such analogy.”
The author says that Jinnah was an autocratic ruler whose dismissal of elected governments of NWFP and Sindh were the most egregious examples of a governor- general flagrantly overstepping his office. The declaration of Urdu as the official language of Pakistan deepened the sense of deprivation and alienation of the Bengali majority of united Pakistan.
Where does India stand in comparison with Pakistan?
Professor Ahmed: India still has a better record as far as corruption is concerned. Though they have made mistakes where their political decisions are concerned, at least so far none of the Prime Ministers of India have any corruption charges against them. India has been able to control a lot of its culturally inherited caste issues by creating reservations for the people from the oppressed castes. In a way it has been able to democratically, peacefully, constitutionally deal with the negativity in its cultural package. Dr. B.R. Ambedkar despite being the biggest critic of the Congress party was made the chairman of the constitution drafting committee, which I feel was the greatness of the founding fathers of the nation. The humanism of Mahatma Gandhi and the modern outlook of Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru has helped India to become a genuinely elected democracy. I will not say that it is social democracy yet because the caste system has been a part of her psyche and sociology for more than three thousand years. Hence, complete eradication will take time. The biggest achievement is that of one man, one vote, whether it is a Brahmin or Dalit.
Professor Ishtiaq Ahmed’s book Jinnah: His Successes, Failures and Role in History has been an eye opener as far as the Jinnah’s motivation for the creation of Pakistan is concerned. Professor Ahmed believes that India and Pakistan can be friends because we are the same people. However, is that really the case? In the following part, we talk to the well-known defence analyst Maroof Raza to know more about India’s equation with her neighbours and way ahead.
Games People Play- Chinese Whispers
Maroof Raza is a retired Indian Army officer with more than 20 years of experience as a mentor, anchor, correspondent, lecturer, writer and a commentator on issues of National Security and Strategic Affairs. He has also authored books like Low-Intensity Conflicts: The new dimension to India’s military commitments and Wars and No Peace over Kashmir. He minces no words when it comes to India’s relationship with Pakistan and China.
Can we be friends with Pakistan?
Why are we still under the impression that India and Pakistan can be great friends? Our governments and diplomats especially in the South Block in New Delhi are constantly harping about old out-dated ideas like non-alignment or friendship with Pakistan or investment in Afghanistan which have no practical relevance in today’s world. The other day I was talking to my friends in the US who were asking me questions like why cannot India and Pakistan be friends and collectively provide a market for America? They think that as long as India and Pakistan are not firing at each other or Pakistan is not sponsoring terror, India can be friends with Pakistan. I think this is the kind of nonsense that you get fed in the western countries. There is a simple logic we need to understand once and for all. Pakistan is not interested in being friends with India. For Pakistan, friendship with India is the first step towards denying its own independent identity. They believe that a Pakistani is a person who is not an Indian. What is a Pakistan according to them? It is an anti-thesis to India. So, becoming friends with India will mean a loss of their very existence and identity. People keep coming up with ideas like a great Grand Trunk Road which will connect India to all its neighbours like Pakistan, Afghanistan and Myanmar. All those ideas are a naught. China has already created a counter to the Grand Trunk Road by creating the China-Pakistan economic corridor which has much more financial steam and depth!
So, can India really govern the equation with its neighbours?
Of course! We should get out of the insecure idea that China can dominate a country like India which has a population of more than 1.5 billion. China along with its allies including Pakistan has a population of approximately 2 billion. Pakistan is one sixth the size of India and yet India keeps losing sleep over it. If you want to learn something, learn it from Israel. You have to make India strong! That in itself will make people secure in their environment. You don’t have to become so big that you cannot manage your own affairs. What is really China doing in the neighbourhood? It is simply putting its money in places like Pakistan and Srilanka. India could have done the same thing. Instead of putting money in places like Afghanistan, they could have invested in Nepal, Bangladesh and Srilanka. But Manmohan Singh and to an extent the current government also is so enamoured being America’s side kick that they don’t even think about it.
But hasn’t China has been luring the countries like Pakistan and Srilanka into a debt trap?
That is what China will do. Please understand that over the last 25 years, China has acquired a lot of foreign exchange. It doesn’t know where to spend it other than to buy out countries and create a zone of influence all over in Asia, Africa, Latin America. China’s Belt and Road Initiative (BRI) which extends from East Asia to Europe is not just a road! It is a cyber and a business network. It is something like if someone draw some lines on a cellophane sheet and places it on the top of another country. In this way, they can superimpose another set of networks on a country. This is what China’s land connectivity and whole lot of other initiatives are. When they cannot connect by land, they connect by the sea and they try and take control over the trading routes or the ports on the way by either buying it out or creating pressure on the potential client. The thing with the Chinese are that they are very sweet initially. They go to the countries and bribe the leadership. They bought off the generals of Pakistan, the Rajapaksa family of Sri Lanka in this manner. Later on, after the agreement is signed, people realize the rates of interest is virtually unpayable. That is how they gain control over the area. Why cannot India do the same thing? I believe in India we waste too much time in politics, politicians and border disputes.
How can we solve the border dispute? Why do our maps include the disputed areas like POK (Pakistan Occupied Kashmir) or Aksai Chin even today?
Maps are a part of a historical legacy and these maps have come to be over a period of time in terms of what you regard as India or states who acceded to India. Jammu and Kashmir acceded to India. After the independence when the Indian subcontinent was divided into India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, India never was in Aksai Chin. So, people are making a claim based on a map that the then Maharaja of Kashmir, Gulab Singh had drawn on the basis on the information he had given to W.H. Johnson, cartographer. Apparently, the Maharaja had told him to show his territory to be as expansive as possible, well beyond the Karakoram Pass. So, Johnson did that and showed the territories between Karakoram Pass and Kunlun Mountains. But this map was never presented by the British to China. By 1866, the Maharaja’s soldiers had vacated these areas and the Chinese took control of Shahidullah. The ‘line’ laid out by Johnson was modified by Major General Sir John Ardagh, the director of military intelligence in Delhi in 1897. Post-independence, even though Aksai Chin has been shown as un-demarcated, all the claims of India have been based on this line. The earlier governor of Jammu and Kashmir had said that if India has the money and the resources to fight conflicts, then it should spend it on the development of Jammu and Kashmir rather than fighting over territories which were never ours in the first place. I believe that there is no option except settling the battle over the boundary line. The way out is to decide what you are willing to keep and give. Nobody, even a country which is one-fifth or one-sixth the size of India will not allow you to keep everything. No one can keep printing maps and say this is mine and that is mine. Today, I feel one has to have the guts to stand up and say let us settle the boundary line.
The Chinese ambassadors have been saying that we can delink the boundary dispute and get on with business. If that happens, India has the advantage because then if it can ban or stop taking their products which means a loss of 50 billion dollars to China per year. It is a huge amount which it cannot afford. It is also the money that they are pouring into Pakistan through China Pakistan Economic Corridor. What is the point?
China is expanding, but people are not happy! Will there be a revolution some day in China?
Please don’t live in the hope that one day there will be a revolution and it will take over the communist party. The communist party will ruthlessly crush those who try to do something like this. This can only happen in a democracy. Democracies can be toppled because democracies are caught up between use of force and non-use of force. But communists are very sensitive to the challenges to their authority. Tiananmen Square in 1989 was a misjudgement which they will ensure does not happen again.
In the eventuality that our neighbours attack, will countries like America come to our aid?
Please understand that continental conflicts will have to be fought by yourself. No one really is there to help, not even America. When there was a brewing conflict between China and Japan about some islands that lie between them, America who has been Japan’s ally ever since the second world war promised to come to Japan’s aid ‘only if China attacks first. The fact is if China attacked first, it would probably render Japan dysfunctional. Japan is a very advanced country which has made some very good weapons. However, in an age where there are so many different verticals of attacks that include conventional forces, satellite forces, missiles, chemical and biological weapons, an attack can render a country defunct!
A few days back, there was a discussion on the apparent Chinese cyber-attack which reportedly led to a power outage in Mumbai last year. This is the first signal that your cyber adversary gives which is an initial black out of 12 hours or more. They are still clueless about how it happened. This is a part of the unrestricted warfare that China follows. They attack your grids and they make you realize that your entire financial capital can collapse in a second. Likewise, Russia attacked Estonia, which is a completely wired-up country. Everything came to complete standstill. Aircrafts couldn’t land or take off, electricity went off. Russia even did it in Ukraine. Britain claims that it can give Moscow a blackout for 24 hours. The problem with India and China is that India is a passive country and China is aggressive. Therefore, China will do everything to establish its agenda. India mostly reacts.
The only saving grace in the event of a nuclear attack more in the case of Pakistan than China is something called second strike ability. In case Pakistan hits us with all their nuclear weapons, our submarines will still be safe and we will also hit them back. From the Pakistan India perspective, it depends on whether Pakistan is willing to lose one or two or three cities at the cost of destroying India. Hence, the only relevance of nuclear weapons is that it prevents the other person from attacking you. So, don’t expect anyone to come to India’s aid in case of a full-blown war. US and the other countries will only make the right noises. I believe UN is nothing but the world’s most over rated debating society. The fact is that despite India being touted as the potential great power, it does not have a coordinated or comprehensive national security strategy in case of any attack. All the three forces have separate strategies. It is also important to have a clear aim which in India’s case is defence and not capture.
Shailaza Singh
This article was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 11 March 2021
Greetings! I am a daughter of this country, the way you are. Today, I am writing this letter to you to help you realize some very important blatant truths. These will set you free!
Do you know what those are?
The truth is that you are not born to be married. Actually no man or woman is born to be just married.Getting married will be the worst decision of your life if you don’t do it for the right reasons!
The truth is your parents should not spend their hard earned money on organizing a grand marriage celebration for you just because they want to please the relatives or even you for that matter!
The truth is you are not born to find your prince or princess charming and live happily ever after. There is no person who will rescue you from your problems and set things right.Marriage is not to find a maid or a knight who will solve all your problems and listen to all your nonsense.
The truth is there is no person on this planet who is your perfect soul mate, who was born just for you and who will understand you better than you understand yourself and will love you just the way you are.People spend lives confused about themselves; they are unable to know what they want; how do you expect them to understand you?
Even if you are marrying a guy or a girl you’ve dated for 10 years, trust me he or she will not change, so don’t try to change him or her . He or she will change in his or her own time.Marriage does not mean the rebirth or rewiring or reincarnation of person!
The truth is even if your features are perfect, you have an enviable figure, or you are tall. dark and handsome and adored by millions, there are chances that your marriage or relationship may not survive and your husband or wife may not live up to your expectations or vice versa.Having expectations in a marriage ends the game before it has even started!
Your mother-in-law is not your mother and will never be.
Hold it!
Before you just shrug your shoulders or wonder what kind of a mad woman is saying this, let me explain my point of view.
Girls, you were not born to be married: In the olden days, marriage was about security. You see it was a very male dominated society, where men could do whatever they wanted. So, in order to save the women from all kinds of pitiable fate, the law makers decided to make a new law. Women who were married to men had to wear some kind of a mark on them for people to recognize them as married. These married women were the property of the men they were married to and no other man could look at them. In that society, so long the girl was unmarried, she was not safe from lecherous advances of men. So, the parents decided that marriage was the safest option for their daughters. Today, we live in better times (relatively). Most girls can earn and fend for themselves. Most girls know how to defend themselves. So, you don’t have to get married just because the society is telling you to or your parents are telling you to.
In the early days when parents married their daughters off to these men, they also had to express their gratefulness by gifting them wealth. Since the girl was not educated and ensuring her needs are met was her husband’s responsibility, this wealth was also considered as a means of sharing the burden. However, today men and women can earn their bread and butter and earn their own money and create their own lives. So don’t let your parents spend their hard earned money on a lavish marriage or lavish gifts.
Marriage should not be about compulsion. Marriage should be about choice. You don’t have to get married but you choose to get married. However, even if you choose to get married, be under no illusion. Prince Charming or princess perfect does not exist. The person you will get married to will have his or her own problems, will in all probability not understand you most of the times (unless he or she has been transported from planet Perfect which is located in Goodness Knows Where galaxy). So do not expect him or her to solve your problems. You both can work on solving problems together but marriage is not a one man show. Both husband and wife have to work together.
Husband is not a soul mate or any mate, not for the first few years anyways and same is the case with you. If you are very lucky, then you are an anomaly and we are not talking about you. Your husband will not love you the way you are, not initially. He will get used to the way you are. The more you spend time together, have patience, the more you will get to know each other and understand each other. However, there are plenty of friends you can hang out with rather than pressurizing your spouse to spend their time with you.
These days marriages don’t really survive unless you want it to thrive and are willing to work without your mobile and laptop and with your partner! You may do your best, your husband or wife may be a great person but still marriages break because of stress, constant problems and more. So, quit having expectations. Marriage can only survive with loads of patience and love..
A mother-in-law can never be a mother. Do not confide in her excessively. As of now, with your entry into her life, she is insecure about her position in her son’s or daughter’s life and can use anything to show him or her that she is more bothered about him or her than you are. However, please treat her kindly and nicely.
You’ve known this guy or girl for so many years (unless it was a quickly arranged marriage). After marriage, he or she is the same way; irritable, irrational and forever upset. Let me ask you this…will you change? Did you change? How can he change overnight! So don’t expect him to change.
NEVER EVER MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC! THAT DOESN’T WORK DESPITE YOUR BEST INTENTIONS!
DON’T TRY TO RESCUE MEN OR WOMEN OR FIX THEIR LIVES BY MARRYING THEM AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO BE GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT!
Mistakes can happen. If you made a wrong choice, do not make it the second time. It is okay to be alone till you do not find someone who is worthwhile.
Men or their families are not evil or bad. Just like you, they have their own problems and challenges. Just because they don’t agree with you or understand you doesn’t make the villains of your life!
Remember!!!!
No marriage is perfect.
Everyone is struggling.
Patience is very important.
Control your expectations. Be fair.
Please don’t get married because you have to get married.Your parents may be forcing you today but if you do not agree, they will eventually come around. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness, sometimes people are more lonely after marriage.
Please get married if you choose to be together.And this choice has to be made everyday because humans are not monogamous by genetics. It is an enforced, conditioned behavior which becomes a part of us over a period of time.
Marriage is a very small part of life girls. Don’t make it such a big part or the only part of your lives that you stop living life itself!
When I first met you, I thought you were just another year in my life. I remember I was walking on the beach at the Kerala Literature Festival 2020 and thinking about how boring and mundane my life has become..
But things soon changed. The lockdown forced me to stay at home and introspect. I started blogging again. As a single mother, you made me realize that relationships are very important and gave me time to nurture them with attention.
I understood that time was a gift and used it to read more, learn more and do more. I understood the power of not doing anything, the meaning of contemplation and the true creative force of inertia.
To me, my job was my world. I was one person who would dedicate everything to her projects and targets. You made me realize that whatever I may do, despite all the hardwork, the job was just a part of me and not my entire world.
You made me realize the power of technology. I started attending meetings and even teaching people conversational English on my phone. Whether it was about shopping, working, reading or writing, I could do anything with my phone and computer.
You made me realize the importance of home made remedies for cold, cough and many other things. The spices that we take for granted, the herbs we completely ignore became life savers and a shield against the dreaded virus. You helped me to realize that I am my own best friend and spending time alone was not a bad thing. You also taught me to look after my own health.
I learnt that savings are a life saver. Most of us have been able to tide over this time because we saved.
There is so much more I have got to thank you for. But for now, this will suffice. Thank you for making me a wiser, more experienced person. Thank you for all the hardships and lessons!
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