Dear daughters and sons of India,
Greetings! I am a daughter of this country, the way you are. Today, I am writing this letter to you to help you realize some very important blatant truths. These will set you free!
Do you know what those are?
The truth is that you are not born to be married. Actually no man or woman is born to be just married. Getting married will be the worst decision of your life if you don’t do it for the right reasons!
The truth is your parents should not spend their hard earned money on organizing a grand marriage celebration for you just because they want to please the relatives or even you for that matter!
The truth is you are not born to find your prince or princess charming and live happily ever after. There is no person who will rescue you from your problems and set things right. Marriage is not to find a maid or a knight who will solve all your problems and listen to all your nonsense.
The truth is there is no person on this planet who is your perfect soul mate, who was born just for you and who will understand you better than you understand yourself and will love you just the way you are. People spend lives confused about themselves; they are unable to know what they want; how do you expect them to understand you?
Even if you are marrying a guy or a girl you’ve dated for 10 years, trust me he or she will not change, so don’t try to change him or her . He or she will change in his or her own time. Marriage does not mean the rebirth or rewiring or reincarnation of person!
The truth is even if your features are perfect, you have an enviable figure, or you are tall. dark and handsome and adored by millions, there are chances that your marriage or relationship may not survive and your husband or wife may not live up to your expectations or vice versa. Having expectations in a marriage ends the game before it has even started!
Your mother-in-law is not your mother and will never be.
Before you just shrug your shoulders or wonder what kind of a mad woman is saying this, let me explain my point of view.
- Girls, you were not born to be married: In the olden days, marriage was about security. You see it was a very male dominated society, where men could do whatever they wanted. So, in order to save the women from all kinds of pitiable fate, the law makers decided to make a new law. Women who were married to men had to wear some kind of a mark on them for people to recognize them as married. These married women were the property of the men they were married to and no other man could look at them. In that society, so long the girl was unmarried, she was not safe from lecherous advances of men. So, the parents decided that marriage was the safest option for their daughters. Today, we live in better times (relatively). Most girls can earn and fend for themselves. Most girls know how to defend themselves. So, you don’t have to get married just because the society is telling you to or your parents are telling you to.
- In the early days when parents married their daughters off to these men, they also had to express their gratefulness by gifting them wealth. Since the girl was not educated and ensuring her needs are met was her husband’s responsibility, this wealth was also considered as a means of sharing the burden. However, today men and women can earn their bread and butter and earn their own money and create their own lives. So don’t let your parents spend their hard earned money on a lavish marriage or lavish gifts.
- Marriage should not be about compulsion. Marriage should be about choice. You don’t have to get married but you choose to get married. However, even if you choose to get married, be under no illusion. Prince Charming or princess perfect does not exist. The person you will get married to will have his or her own problems, will in all probability not understand you most of the times (unless he or she has been transported from planet Perfect which is located in Goodness Knows Where galaxy). So do not expect him or her to solve your problems. You both can work on solving problems together but marriage is not a one man show. Both husband and wife have to work together.
- Husband is not a soul mate or any mate, not for the first few years anyways and same is the case with you. If you are very lucky, then you are an anomaly and we are not talking about you. Your husband will not love you the way you are, not initially. He will get used to the way you are. The more you spend time together, have patience, the more you will get to know each other and understand each other. However, there are plenty of friends you can hang out with rather than pressurizing your spouse to spend their time with you.
- These days marriages don’t really survive unless you want it to thrive and are willing to work without your mobile and laptop and with your partner! You may do your best, your husband or wife may be a great person but still marriages break because of stress, constant problems and more. So, quit having expectations. Marriage can only survive with loads of patience and love..
- A mother-in-law can never be a mother. Do not confide in her excessively. As of now, with your entry into her life, she is insecure about her position in her son’s or daughter’s life and can use anything to show him or her that she is more bothered about him or her than you are. However, please treat her kindly and nicely.
- You’ve known this guy or girl for so many years (unless it was a quickly arranged marriage). After marriage, he or she is the same way; irritable, irrational and forever upset. Let me ask you this…will you change? Did you change? How can he change overnight! So don’t expect him to change.
- NEVER EVER MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC! THAT DOESN’T WORK DESPITE YOUR BEST INTENTIONS!
- DON’T TRY TO RESCUE MEN OR WOMEN OR FIX THEIR LIVES BY MARRYING THEM AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO BE GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT!
- Mistakes can happen. If you made a wrong choice, do not make it the second time. It is okay to be alone till you do not find someone who is worthwhile.
- Men or their families are not evil or bad. Just like you, they have their own problems and challenges. Just because they don’t agree with you or understand you doesn’t make the villains of your life!
No marriage is perfect.
Everyone is struggling.
Patience is very important.
Control your expectations. Be fair.
Please don’t get married because you have to get married. Your parents may be forcing you today but if you do not agree, they will eventually come around. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness, sometimes people are more lonely after marriage.
Please get married if you choose to be together. And this choice has to be made everyday because humans are not monogamous by genetics. It is an enforced, conditioned behavior which becomes a part of us over a period of time.
Marriage is a very small part of life girls. Don’t make it such a big part or the only part of your lives that you stop living life itself!
Do think about it!