The divorces are on the rise, broken marriages are spreading like the pandemic, why are men wanting to get married? An appeal to the men of India to save themselves before it is too late and they pay the price in the form of a heavy alimony! A poem by Shailaza Singh #divorce #wedding #poetry #dowryharassment #dowrysystem
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Tag: marriage
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Dear Men,Why are you getting married?
Why marry? -
We love devoted husbands and doting fathers but isn’t that how most men usually should be?
Matthew McConaughey with his family I recently read an article about the actor Matthew McConaughey and what a devoted father and husband he is.
I, for one cannot understand something. Why do we celebrate or praise men for their devotion and ga ga over them? Or is it that we are always suprised when we see a celebrity being devoted to his relationships instead of being self obsessed?
Why do men marry or have kids if they don’t want to be committed or devoted to their family?
On the other hand, a devoted woman seems to be a default piece in the universe! We don’t praise women for their ability to handle everything with ease. We take it for granted that they will do everything without making a big deal about it. If they fail to do it, we raise eyebrows.
I remember having a discussion with a newly married friend. He said, ‘If I start listening to my wife all the time, my friends and my mother will call me ‘joru ka gulam’. I cannot show that I love my wife and children and really care for them.’
I don’t know about the other countries but in India, this is a prevalent thought. Men will do anything for their girlfriends, they will be utterly devoted lovers but the moment the girlfriends become wives, their entire stance will change- so much so that they will not even help their wives in any chore or anything lest some one ridicules them for being so devoted.
I couldn’t help but devote some lines to this phenomenon-
शादी से पहले
डार्लिंग,
मैं तुम्हारे लिए कुछ भी कर जाऊँगा,
पहाड़ पे चढ़ जाऊँगा,
तुम मेरी हो जाओ, वर्ना मर जाऊँगा.
तुम्हारा हर दर्द मेरी ज़िम्मेदारी है,
तेरे बगैर बेकार ये दुनिया सारी है.
आशिक़ हूँ तुम्हारा , मैं किसी से नहीं डरता हूँ,
इससे बड़ा सच नहीं की मैं तुमसे बहुत प्यार करता हूँ.शादी के बाद
डार्लिंग,
मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ
पर मेरी माँ से डरता हूँ.
तुम मुझे दर्द में भी बुलाओगी तो भी मैं नहीं आऊँगा ,
नहीं तो मैं जोरू का गुलाम कहलाऊँगा.
तुम समझो न, मैं पति हूँ तुम्हारा ,
तुम्हारे लिए दौड़ आऊं, ऐसा हूँ नहीं कोई आशिक़ आवारा– शैलजा सिंह
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An Open Letter To All the Daughters and Sons of India- Please Read!
For representational purposes only Dear daughters and sons of India,
Greetings! I am a daughter of this country, the way you are. Today, I am writing this letter to you to help you realize some very important blatant truths. These will set you free!
Do you know what those are?
The truth is that you are not born to be married. Actually no man or woman is born to be just married. Getting married will be the worst decision of your life if you don’t do it for the right reasons!
The truth is your parents should not spend their hard earned money on organizing a grand marriage celebration for you just because they want to please the relatives or even you for that matter!
The truth is you are not born to find your prince or princess charming and live happily ever after. There is no person who will rescue you from your problems and set things right. Marriage is not to find a maid or a knight who will solve all your problems and listen to all your nonsense.
The truth is there is no person on this planet who is your perfect soul mate, who was born just for you and who will understand you better than you understand yourself and will love you just the way you are. People spend lives confused about themselves; they are unable to know what they want; how do you expect them to understand you?
Even if you are marrying a guy or a girl you’ve dated for 10 years, trust me he or she will not change, so don’t try to change him or her . He or she will change in his or her own time. Marriage does not mean the rebirth or rewiring or reincarnation of person!
The truth is even if your features are perfect, you have an enviable figure, or you are tall. dark and handsome and adored by millions, there are chances that your marriage or relationship may not survive and your husband or wife may not live up to your expectations or vice versa. Having expectations in a marriage ends the game before it has even started!
Your mother-in-law is not your mother and will never be.
Hold it!
Before you just shrug your shoulders or wonder what kind of a mad woman is saying this, let me explain my point of view.
- Girls, you were not born to be married: In the olden days, marriage was about security. You see it was a very male dominated society, where men could do whatever they wanted. So, in order to save the women from all kinds of pitiable fate, the law makers decided to make a new law. Women who were married to men had to wear some kind of a mark on them for people to recognize them as married. These married women were the property of the men they were married to and no other man could look at them. In that society, so long the girl was unmarried, she was not safe from lecherous advances of men. So, the parents decided that marriage was the safest option for their daughters. Today, we live in better times (relatively). Most girls can earn and fend for themselves. Most girls know how to defend themselves. So, you don’t have to get married just because the society is telling you to or your parents are telling you to.
- In the early days when parents married their daughters off to these men, they also had to express their gratefulness by gifting them wealth. Since the girl was not educated and ensuring her needs are met was her husband’s responsibility, this wealth was also considered as a means of sharing the burden. However, today men and women can earn their bread and butter and earn their own money and create their own lives. So don’t let your parents spend their hard earned money on a lavish marriage or lavish gifts.
- Marriage should not be about compulsion. Marriage should be about choice. You don’t have to get married but you choose to get married. However, even if you choose to get married, be under no illusion. Prince Charming or princess perfect does not exist. The person you will get married to will have his or her own problems, will in all probability not understand you most of the times (unless he or she has been transported from planet Perfect which is located in Goodness Knows Where galaxy). So do not expect him or her to solve your problems. You both can work on solving problems together but marriage is not a one man show. Both husband and wife have to work together.
- Husband is not a soul mate or any mate, not for the first few years anyways and same is the case with you. If you are very lucky, then you are an anomaly and we are not talking about you. Your husband will not love you the way you are, not initially. He will get used to the way you are. The more you spend time together, have patience, the more you will get to know each other and understand each other. However, there are plenty of friends you can hang out with rather than pressurizing your spouse to spend their time with you.
- These days marriages don’t really survive unless you want it to thrive and are willing to work without your mobile and laptop and with your partner! You may do your best, your husband or wife may be a great person but still marriages break because of stress, constant problems and more. So, quit having expectations. Marriage can only survive with loads of patience and love..
- A mother-in-law can never be a mother. Do not confide in her excessively. As of now, with your entry into her life, she is insecure about her position in her son’s or daughter’s life and can use anything to show him or her that she is more bothered about him or her than you are. However, please treat her kindly and nicely.
- You’ve known this guy or girl for so many years (unless it was a quickly arranged marriage). After marriage, he or she is the same way; irritable, irrational and forever upset. Let me ask you this…will you change? Did you change? How can he change overnight! So don’t expect him to change.
- NEVER EVER MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC! THAT DOESN’T WORK DESPITE YOUR BEST INTENTIONS!
- DON’T TRY TO RESCUE MEN OR WOMEN OR FIX THEIR LIVES BY MARRYING THEM AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO BE GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT!
- Mistakes can happen. If you made a wrong choice, do not make it the second time. It is okay to be alone till you do not find someone who is worthwhile.
- Men or their families are not evil or bad. Just like you, they have their own problems and challenges. Just because they don’t agree with you or understand you doesn’t make the villains of your life!
Remember!!!!
No marriage is perfect.
Everyone is struggling.
Patience is very important.
Control your expectations. Be fair.
Please don’t get married because you have to get married. Your parents may be forcing you today but if you do not agree, they will eventually come around. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness, sometimes people are more lonely after marriage.
Please get married if you choose to be together. And this choice has to be made everyday because humans are not monogamous by genetics. It is an enforced, conditioned behavior which becomes a part of us over a period of time.
Marriage is a very small part of life girls. Don’t make it such a big part or the only part of your lives that you stop living life itself!
Do think about it!
Warm Regards,
Shailaza
#faith_the_mystery_of_the _missing_girl
#novel_by_shailaza_singh
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The Truth of Living Alone
Here is an ode to love and marriage! As I look at people in the world today, I am glad to say that I am happily single! So, I wrote a poem to gloat over my freedom and wonder why people like to fall in life oops love!
There are times I feel alone,
Wishing that I had some one of my own.
I hug myself and watch other people from my window,
To see how togetherness binds,
Instead of romantic stories, my observations have gathered some interesting finds.
Every evening, a live-in couple has to fight,
To decide who is always wrong and who is always right.
Their sweet nothings lasted as long as their struggle to stay together,
When everyone agreed, their faces changed like the weather.
Scowls and grimances replaced the smiles and laughter,
Now fights and disagreements make up their happily ever after.
Another window shows a man washing utensils while his wife shouts at the top of her voice,
The neighbours have gotten used to the ruckus and the endless noise.
No matter what the man does, the woman always complains,
She shouts at him for every thing, even the untimely rains.
I see a woman with a sad face looking out of the window,
Perhaps she is searching for the lost romance and love’s glow.
Her face is lined with care and she keeps turning around to look at the clock,
She has to be at the door at 6 pm before her husband can knock.
She pours him his first drink and knows that he will slap her as soon as he gets high,
She waits for the inevitable as she gazes at the night sky.
Then there is a man next door, who doesn’t know what to do,
Because his new wife filed a dowry case against him after saying I love you!
I look at the faces of men and women who dreamt of being together for ever and aye,
All the vibrancy, hope and laughter gone; their faces have a ghostly grimness today.
I wonder if people who wrote these romance novels were single or embittered married men and women,
Who kept their unrealized fantasies alive by writing them with a pen.
Or perhaps they were looking for revenge and wanted every one to believe in happily ever after,
So that they could enjoy the plight of these hopelessly trapped couples and their unhappy lives could be filled with devilish laughter.
I am happy I did not fall into this romantic trap that has been elaborately laid out for all.
Now I know why no one rises in love; poor unsuspecting fools always fall!
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