We love devoted husbands and doting fathers but isn’t that how most men usually should be?

Matthew McConaughey with his family

I recently read an article about the actor Matthew McConaughey and what a devoted father and husband he is.

I, for one cannot understand something. Why do we celebrate or praise men for their devotion and ga ga over them? Or is it that we are always suprised when we see a celebrity being devoted to his relationships instead of being self obsessed?

Why do men marry or have kids if they don’t want to be committed or devoted to their family?

On the other hand, a devoted woman seems to be a default piece in the universe! We don’t praise women for their ability to handle everything with ease. We take it for granted that they will do everything without making a big deal about it. If they fail to do it, we raise eyebrows.

I remember having a discussion with a newly married friend. He said, ‘If I start listening to my wife all the time, my friends and my mother will call me ‘joru ka gulam’. I cannot show that I love my wife and children and really care for them.’

I don’t know about the other countries but in India, this is a prevalent thought. Men will do anything for their girlfriends, they will be utterly devoted lovers but the moment the girlfriends become wives, their entire stance will change- so much so that they will not even help their wives in any chore or anything lest some one ridicules them for being so devoted.

I couldn’t help but devote some lines to this phenomenon-

शादी से पहले
डार्लिंग,
मैं तुम्हारे लिए कुछ भी कर जाऊँगा,
पहाड़ पे चढ़ जाऊँगा,
तुम मेरी हो जाओ, वर्ना मर जाऊँगा.
तुम्हारा हर दर्द मेरी ज़िम्मेदारी है,
तेरे बगैर बेकार ये दुनिया सारी है.
आशिक़ हूँ तुम्हारा , मैं किसी से नहीं डरता हूँ,
इससे बड़ा सच नहीं की मैं तुमसे बहुत प्यार करता हूँ.

शादी के बाद
डार्लिंग,
मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ
पर मेरी माँ से डरता हूँ.
तुम मुझे दर्द में भी बुलाओगी तो भी मैं नहीं आऊँगा ,
नहीं तो मैं जोरू का गुलाम कहलाऊँगा.
तुम समझो न, मैं पति हूँ तुम्हारा ,
तुम्हारे लिए दौड़ आऊं, ऐसा हूँ नहीं कोई आशिक़ आवारा

– शैलजा सिंह

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