The rishta was fixed. She was in seventh heaven. After all, she had finally got the boy of her dreams. What could she want? But the boy wanted- an Endeavor. He told her if she really loved him, then this would be her wedding gift to him. He didn’t talk about a return gift.
His mother too wasn’t far behind. She told her mother that since they were the ‘ladki walas’, they had to keep giving more and more. His mother told her mother that she should be prepared as they may ask for a BMW or an expensive flat in a metro city. She also told her mother that the boy would only listen to her so she gets to govern every aspect of their lives…right from where newly weds will go for their honeymoon to how the girl will live in the house. When her mother asked his mother why she wanted such a lot of dowry, the latter replied that she has a daughter to marry off. How else will she give her dowry if she doesn’t take first?
Her mother had heard enough. She told his mother to live happily ever after with her son and her demands. She and her daughter weren’t interested.
Dowry is such a lovely word for the boys and their relatives. Tax free money just for getting married to the girl. How easy can it get? While the other mortals slog their butt to earn lakhs and prove themselves worthy of crores, these enlightened beings just raise a boy and pocket billions. The boy is a commodity, his education is an investment, he is lamb being raised for selling to the highest bidder. It does not matter how intelligent, smart or beautiful the girl is. She is just a complimentary gift. The real gift is the return on the investment with compounded interest. I am glad her mother said no to his mother instead of giving in to her demands and making her daughter the serving bowl of every new demand.
And if all men and their mother’s think this way, what’s the point of girls getting married? They might as well as remain single all their lives. If you can earn your own bread and think on your own two feet, the world is your oyster!
Do you agree or you believe in gifting an Endeavor Car?
Marriages in the twenty first century have undergone a complete transformation. Tales of valour, commitment and selflessness are now replaced by tales of ‘I, me, myself’ from both the groom and the bride.
Divorces In Rajputs
(Mis)matched “Earlier marriages were between two families who were equal in all respects,” says Amit Jaglan, a lawyer based in Gurgaon. “People used search for alliances with people who were equal to them in all respects (status, money, thinking, caste) so that the girl goes into a house which is almost same as hers in terms of lifestyle, money etc. These days however, things have changed. Apart from the materialistic riches, mental and cultural compatibility also plays a big role.” Amit says that these days as a result of higher education and qualifications, women have developed a more progressive outlook which creates issues in compatibility. “So, on one end we have the guy who is not very educated but has ancestral property and a thriving business. The girl may also have a similar financial standing but may have done her post-graduation and even Ph.D. She may even be working somewhere. All this generally results in a more open and broader outlook of the 21st century whereas the boy’s family does not think beyond the 19th century. Soon, the mental frustration starts causing cracks in the relationship. So, naturally, this will cause a lot of friction and eventually lead to a break up!”
Short fuse “Once a bride stepped into her husband’s home, it was her responsibility to adjust in an alien household. She was told in no uncertain terms that her husband’s house is her real home and she had to do what it takes to settle in it,’ says Amit Jaglan. ‘So, the girl had no option but to patiently tolerate and adjust to everything.” So, what has changed today? “It is entirely a new ballgame. The girls are no longer the damsels that are waiting for their knights in shining armour. They are financially independent and want equality in all respects. If they don’t get that, they have no qualms about calling it quits.”
Great Expectations and FOMO (Fear of missing out) “From the moment, they get engaged, the men and women start posting their happy pictures on social media. Every one expects a fairy tale marriage, where the groom wants a girl who can do everything from earning money to serving him food and the bride wants a man who can earn doles of money and give her a jet setting life,” says Amit. “The pressure is on from the very beginning which is further augmented by the social media. However, when the marriage doesn’t meet their expectations, the boy or the girl have no qualms about stepping out of it to find some one else.” “This is generally because of a new phenomenon called FOMO or the fear of missing out,” says Priya Sharma, a psychologist. “ As a result of the constant information bombardment by the social media, men and women want everything that the other person or their peers have. They want the best car, best house, best husband and best wife. They don’t want to miss out on anything that their peers have. So, the moment they feel that the person they are with doesn’t have the required attributes, they prefer to separate instead of adjusting to it.”
Age Matters Preeti Khanna is a marriage counsellor who has seen an increasing number of divorce cases. She attributes it to the shrinking age difference between the bride and the groom. “In those days, the age difference between the bride and the groom was at least 5 years or more. We all know that the mental and psychological maturity of a woman is more than a man’s at any given age. Hence, in the olden days, the groom was older than the bride by many years, so they maturity levels could match better. Moreover, since he was older than her, the bride had some sort of a reverence and even respect for the groom. These days, the age difference has considerably whittled down leading to an increasing number of ego clashes and fights amongst the couples.”
Bicholio – Mediatory Responsibility “My daughter is 40 years old now. Her husband comes from a well to do family”, says Hanuman Shekhawat, a retired IPS officer. “The alliance was initiated by my best friend, Shyam who knew the boys family very well. After about 5 years, there was a lot of friction between my daughter and her husband. At that time, it was Shyam who helped to diffuse the situation because he knew and could prevail over both the families. Thankfully, as a result of his mediation, my daughter’s marriage could survive.” “Mediation is a very important aspect of helping a marriage to survive,” says Amit Jaglan. “Earlier, whenever there was a problem between the couple or in the family, they sought guidance from the village elder or someone elder and respected in the family whose word was law. Now no one wants to take that responsibility. In many court cases, it is the judges who become mediators for the husband and wife because they too don’t want marriages to break up.”
Matter of Honour Bhupinder Singh, 28, a resident of Bikaner says, “My mother got married to my father at the tender age of 18. Her mother (my maternal grandmother) just had one piece of advice for her. She said, “Whenever your in-laws or other people in your husband’s house say anything rude to you which you may find offensive or insulting, just imagine that they aren’t saying it to you. They are saying it to a person who is standing behind you. Don’t react or try to reply to anything that they say; because if you do, people will not question you but raise fingers at us (your parents). So, as our daughter, it is your responsibility to guard our honour and esteem.” “Earlier, marriage was a bond for which was cemented not just between two individuals but also two families,” says Priya Sharma, a Delhi based psychologist. “These families generally lived in villages or small towns where everyone knew everybody. They were quite conscious of their social reputation and maintaining appearances. This meant that in case of any dispute in the marriage, the entire families strived to solve it. However, today, it’s a different ball game all together. People live in cities where the social circle is quite limited and every one is busy in their lives. Moreover, divorces have become so common that they are no longer a taboo now.”
Saving face “According to a recent survey, besides tolerance and incompatibility, extra marital affairs are also responsible for the break up of marriages,” says Amit. So, weren’t there extra marital affairs in the olden times? “Yes, there were affairs that mostly men had. However, they led parallel lives. They had affairs but those affairs were never in the public eye. Moreover, if the husband wife weren’t compatible enough, they stayed together for the sake of appearances and led parallel lives because divorce would mean a loss of face and image. Today, people are no longer bound by such notions. For them, it is all about their life.”
‘Women have changed’ “Earlier, women were generally told to keep quiet,” says Sonal Singh, a resident of Churu. “Though they could speak to their husband or sometimes even the mother-in-law but generally they were told to keep mum and their opinions did not matter. Now, as more and more women are getting educated and earning for themselves, their mindset has changed. Now they not only want to marry the person of their own choice but also be equal partners in their marriage. My daughter has asked me to find a groom who believes in equality of men and women.”
His daughter Mrigakshi, 28 agrees. “I believe marriage is for life and I do want a partner who is not just a partner in the bedroom but also in life. I am an educated and accomplished woman. So, why should I be the one to keep quiet or tolerate all the idiosyncrasies of my in-laws or husband? If they can tolerate mine, then only can I tolerate theirs!”
-Concluded
This article by Shailaza Singh was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 7 October 2021.
Today, it is easy to be with someone without a relationship. The dating apps are almost like a television remote where you can change channels whenever you want. Despite this, the dating scene seems to have become an apocalypse in the waiting as gleaned from the article titled “Tinder and the dating apocalypse” published in Vanity Fair.
What women want?
“Since the emergence of flappers and “moderns” in the 1920s, the debate about what is lost and gained for women in casual sex has been raging, and is raging still—particularly among women. Some, like Atlantic writer Hanna Rosin, see hookup culture as a boon: “The hookup culture is … bound up with everything that’s fabulous about being a young woman in 2012—the freedom, the confidence.” But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014.” I have always believed that despite all the new age feminism, most women are emotional beings for whom physical intimacy is a result of an emotional and mental connection with their partners. Many of them still believe in waiting for someone who will connect with them not just on the physical level but also on an emotional level. However, the exodus of men to the dating apps seem to have reduced the possibility of developing an emotional bond which has resulted in short lived marriages, increased divorces and more extra marital affairs.
“It is the very abundance of options provided by online dating which may be making men less inclined to treat any particular woman as a “priority,” according to David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in the evolution of human sexuality. “Apps like Tinder and OkCupid give people the impression that there are thousands or millions of potential mates out there,” Buss says. “One dimension of this is the impact it has on men’s psychology. When there is a surplus of women, or a perceived surplus of women, the whole mating system tends to shift towards short-term dating. Marriages become unstable. Divorces increase. Men don’t have to commit, so they pursue a short-term mating strategy. Men are making that shift, and women are forced to go along with it in order to mate at all.” The obvious change in men’s mentality has also caused many women to reprogram their own value system. After all, what’s the point of running after something which does not even exist? In this case, it is romance and fidelity! “I think that iPhones and dating apps have really changed the way that dating happens for our generation,” says Stephanie, the one with an arm full of bracelets. “There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.”They give a wary laugh. They say they think their own anxiety about intimacy comes from having “grown up on social media,” so “we don’t know how to talk to each other face-to-face.” “You form your first impression based off Facebook rather than forming a connection with someone.”
‘The I don’t care” line With most men on dating apps to have a good time, women don’t have an option but to follow them. However, subduing their natural emotional instinct and putting on a ‘I don’t care” face is also a daunting prospect for many. “When it comes to hooking up, they say, it’s not as simple as just having sex. “It’s such a game, and you have to always be doing everything right, and if not, you risk losing whoever you’re hooking up with,” says Fallon, the soft-spoken one. By “doing everything right” she means “texting back too soon; never double texting; liking the right amount of his stuff,” on social media. “And it reaches a point,” says Jane, “where, if you receive a text message” from a guy, “you forward the message to, like, seven different people: ‘What do I say back? Oh my God, he just texted me!’ It becomes a surprise. ‘He texted me!’ Which is really sad.” “If he texts you before midnight he actually likes you as a person. If it’s after midnight, it’s just for your body,” says Amanda. It’s not, she says, that women don’t want to have sex. “Who doesn’t want to have sex? But it feels bad when they’re like, ‘See ya.’ ” “It seems like the girls don’t have any control over the situation, and it should not be like that at all,” Fallon says. “It’s a contest to see who cares less, and guys win a lot at caring less,” Amanda says.”
Double Standards Kill Self Esteem So, does that mean that for men, nothing matters more than physical intimacy? Does it also imply that having emotions is a sign of weakness when it comes to women? Have the women just been reduced to pieces of meat or it is the new age feminism which believes women are equal to men in all respects including meaningless physical encounters? “Sex should stem from emotional intimacy, and it’s the opposite with us right now, and I think it really is kind of destroying females’ self-images,” says Fallon. “It’s body first, personality second,” says Stephanie. “Honestly, I feel like the body doesn’t even matter to them as long as you’re willing,” says Reese. “It’s that bad.” “But if you say any of this out loud, it’s like you’re weak, you’re not independent, you somehow missed the whole memo about third-wave feminism,” says Amanda.” But does that mean these dating apps have helped in liberating women from the pre conceived age old notions of how women should behave even in the western world? I ask if they’re aware of the double standard that’s often applied to women when it comes to physical intimacy. “The double standard is real,” Nick says. “If I’m a guy and I’m going out with a different girl every night, my friends are gonna give me high-fives and we’re gonna crack a beer and talk about it. Girls do the same, but they get judged. I don’t want it to be like that, but sometimes the world is the way it is and I can’t change it, so I just embrace it.”
All fun no relationships
Life for women may not still be easy but the dating apps have made life easier for men because they no longer have to have a relationship to satisfy their physical desires.
“They all say they don’t want to be in relationships. “I don’t want one,” says Nick. “I don’t want to have to deal with all that—stuff.” “You can’t be selfish in a relationship,” Brian says. “It feels good just to do what I want.” I ask them if it ever feels like they lack a deeper connection with someone. There’s a small silence. After a moment, John says, “I think at some points it does.” “But that’s assuming that that’s something that I want, which I don’t,” Nick says, a trifle annoyed. “Does that mean that my life is lacking something? I’m perfectly happy. I have a good time. I go to work—I’m busy. And when I’m not, I go out with my friends.” “Or you meet someone on Tinder,” offers John. “Exactly,” Nick says. “Tinder is fast and easy, boom-boom-boom, swipe.”
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
Earlier, once committed, people had to contend themselves with their partners. The more adventurous ones probably had a fling or two on the site. However, these days, the dating apps have been able to make both men and women believe that they can always find someone better, smarter and sexier when it comes to the opposite sex. Naturally, today’s generation doesn’t want to miss that chance. In that sense, it increases the fear of missing out.
“They play the game the exact same way. They have a bunch of people going at the same time—they’re fielding their options. They’re always looking for somebody better, who has a better job or more money.” A few young women admitted to me that they use dating apps as a way to get free meals. “I call it Tinder food stamps,” one said.” But does that mean that both men and women will no longer be satisfied with whatever they have? Will they lose the bird in hand for the two in the bush? “According to Christopher Ryan, one of the co-authors of Sex at Dawn (2010), human beings are not sexually monogamous by nature. The book contends that, for much of human history, men and women have taken multiple sex partners as a commonly accepted (and evolutionarily beneficial) practice. The thesis, controversial and widely criticized by anthropologists and evolutionary biologists, didn’t keep the book from being an international best-seller; it seemed to be something people were ready to hear.” Though this article was about the dating scene in America, where people are considered more sexually liberated than India, it seems to be holding true in in India as well. Divorces, casual encounters, extra marital and no strings attached relationships are on a rise. More and more men and women are adapting the ‘bed and forget’ culture which allows them to ‘hook up’ with as many number of people as they like. Though many would say this is the new age liberalism but is it really? Is this a signal of better days or the end of trust, commitment and integrity which were an fundamental part of a beautiful relationship between two people?
This article by Shailaza Singh was published in Rashtradoot’s Arbit section on 6 September 2021
The article titled “Tinder and the Dawn of Dating Apocalypse” by Nancy Jo Sales which was published in the well known magazine Vanity Fair some years ago had sparked a social media war between Tinder and Vanity Fair. It talked about how Tinder and other such apps have inspired a new mindset where casual physical intimacy has become more important than romance, relationships and ‘happily ever afters’.
(Italicized paragraphs are direct quotes from the article)
‘It’s a balmy night in Manhattan’s financial district, and at a sports bar called Stout, everyone is Tindering. The tables are filled with young women and men who’ve been chasing money and deals on Wall Street all day, and now they’re out looking for hookups.” I recently read this paragraph in an article titled ‘Tinder and the Dawn of Dating Apocalypse’ . Had I read this article some years back, I would have wondered about the meaning of the word ‘hookup’. However, now I know it means casual sexual encounters or even beginning of a relationship. The interesting bit is that when this article was published some years back, the people at Tinder, the well known dating platform had taken offense to it and had blasted Vanity Fair. In turn, Tinder was attacked by netizens, which resulted in such a backlash that Tinder’s CEO Chris Payne was replaced within 24 hours after the company’s official account went on tweeting spree against Nancy Joe Payne, the journalist who wrote the article. The article is quite interesting because it talks about the new age mindset of men and even women when it comes to dating.
“Guys view everything as a competition,” he elaborates with his deep, reassuring voice. “Who’s slept with the best, hottest girls?” With these dating apps, he says, “you’re always sort of prowling. You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day—the sample size is so much larger. It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.”
Tinderella Replaces Cinderella Gone are the days when life was as simple as Cinderella waiting for her Prince Charming. Today’s modern Casanovas don’t want to do the happily ever after. Infact, not even close. All they want is a ‘Tinderella’- someone they can bed and forget.
“He says that he himself has slept with five different women he met on Tinder—“Tinderellas,” the guys call them—in the last eight days. Dan and Marty, also Alex’s roommates in a shiny high-rise apartment building near Wall Street, can vouch for that. In fact, they can remember whom Alex has slept with in the past week more readily than he can.”
The death of romance
If you look at the Indian scenario, most old time movies or even the new age ones, have some semblance of romance even if the guy is ultimately trying to entice the girl into physical intimacy. Time was spent in befriending or courting the girl. However, as the author says Tinder and other such apps have changed the dynamics, at least in the western world. To some, this game would appear more sinister than ever.
“And yet a lack of an intimate knowledge of his potential sex partners never presents him with an obstacle to physical intimacy, Alex says. Alex, his friends agree, is a Tinder King, a young man of such deft “text game”—“That’s the ability to actually convince someone to do something over text,” Marty explains—that he is able to entice young women into his bed on the basis of a few text exchanges, while letting them know up front he is not interested in having a relationship.” But Marty, who prefers Hinge to Tinder (“Hinge is my thing”), is no slouch at “racking up girls.” He says he’s slept with 30 to 40 women in the last year: “I sort of play that I could be a boyfriend kind of guy,” in order to win them over, “but then they start wanting me to care more … and I just don’t.” “Dude, that’s not cool,” Alex chides in his warm way. “I always make a point of disclosing I’m not looking for anything serious. I just wanna hang out, be friends, see what happens … If I were ever in a court of law I could point to the transcript.” But something about the whole scenario seems to bother him, despite all his mild-mannered bravado. “I think to an extent it is, like, sinister,” he says, “ ‘cause I know that the average girl will think that there’s a chance that she can turn the tables. If I were like, Hey, I just wanna bone, very few people would want to meet up with you …
A Changed Dating Game
Does that mean that men can no longer be trusted when they show that they are interested in you or even when they utter those three magical words? Does this mean that romance as we know it is over and has simply become a convenient ploy to get cosy with a woman? What is the reason for this change?
“I call it the Dating Apocalypse,” says a woman in New York, aged 29. As the polar ice caps melt and the earth churns through the Sixth Extinction, another unprecedented phenomenon is taking place, in the realm of sex. Hookup culture, which has been percolating for about a hundred years, has collided with dating apps, which have acted like a wayward meteor on the now dinosaur-like rituals of courtship. “We are in uncharted territory” when it comes to Tinder et al., says Justin Garcia, a research scientist at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. “There have been two major transitions” in heterosexual mating “in the last four million years,” he says. “The first was around 10,000 to 15,000 years ago, in the agricultural revolution, when we became less migratory and more settled,” leading to the establishment of marriage as a cultural contract. “And the second major transition is with the rise of the Internet.” People used to meet their partners through proximity, through family and friends, but now Internet meeting is surpassing every other form. “It’s changing so much about the way we act both romantically and sexually,” Garcia says. “It is unprecedented from an evolutionary standpoint.” As soon as people could go online they were using it as a way to find partners to date and have sex with. In the 90s it was Craigslist and AOL chat rooms, then Match.com and Kiss.com. But the lengthy, heartfelt e-mails exchanged by the main characters in You’ve Got Mail (1998) seem positively Victorian in comparison to the messages sent on the average dating app today.”
Pressing the right button Indeed, internet has changed a lot of things in our world, including relationships. However, with the advent of mobile phones, getting someone by pressing a button has become all the more easy.
“Mobile dating went mainstream about five years ago; by 2012 it was overtaking online dating. In February, one study reported there were nearly 100 million people—perhaps 50 million on Tinder alone—using their phones as a sort of all-day, every-day, handheld singles club, where they might find a sex partner as easily as they’d find a cheap flight to Florida. “It’s like ordering Seamless,” says Dan, the investment banker, referring to the online food-delivery service. “But you’re ordering a person.”
Options Galore Food delivery apps and dating apps have one thing in common. Depending on your preferences, there are plenty to choose from and there is no dearth of options when it comes to the menu.
“The comparison to online shopping seems an apt one. Dating apps are the free-market economy come to sex. The innovation of Tinder was the swipe—the flick of a finger on a picture, no more elaborate profiles necessary and no more fear of rejection; users only know whether they’ve been approved, never when they’ve been discarded. OkCupid soon adopted the function. Hinge, which allows for more information about a match’s circle of friends through Facebook, and Happn, which enables G.P.S. tracking to show whether matches have recently “crossed paths,” use it too. It’s telling that swiping has been jocularly incorporated into advertisements for various products, a nod to the notion that, online, the act of choosing consumer brands and sex partners has become interchangeable.”
Instant Gratification When Maggi, was first advertised as instant noodles which cooked be cooked in ‘two minutes’, not many realized that the claim was simply a marketing gimmick. Cooking Maggi was more than a two minute job, sometimes, even ten minutes depending on the recipe. But Maggi could satisfy your hunger more quickly as compared to the painstaking ‘sabzi and roti’ which took time, effort and expertise, which is why it became more popular. The dating apps seem to be following a similar path.
“It’s instant gratification,” says Jason, 26, a Brooklyn photographer, “and a validation of your own attractiveness by just, like, swiping your thumb on an app. You see some pretty girl and you swipe and it’s, like, oh, she thinks you’re attractive too, so it’s really addicting, and you just find yourself mindlessly doing it.” “Sex has become so easy,” says John, 26, a marketing executive in New York. “I can go on my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.”
…To be continued
The Hook up song
This article by Shailaza Singh appeared in Rashtradoot’s Arbit section on Sunday, 5 September 2021
Sometimes, when I think of my grandmother or great grandmother or other women before them, I wonder how they were able to live with one person and his family for the rest of their lives. Heck! there wasn’t even some sort of a transition phase or perhaps an internship of sorts where they could understand the environment in their marital home before they settled in for ever. How did they then adjust to such a situation? Why didn’t they think of taking a divorce or something? Were there no problems in their lives? Did they really love their husbands?
I have been closely observing a lot of relationship these days. Especially, the ones where people have grown old with each other. Men and women in these relationships often keep commenting or throwing barbs at each other. In fact, in most, there is nothing lovey dovey left. But it seems that there is a level of patience and tolerance that they have with each other. It is that same tolerance which a parent has when he finds his child with the mic and trying to sing poems and songs in a hall full of guests in an official party. I would call it ‘loving tolerance’.
However, that tolerance does not exist in today’s world in most marriages. Women or men want a perfect, psychic partner who is completely at their beck and command.
I remember an incident where a friend of mine, Anamika was shouting at her younger brother. Her father came and asked her the reason for this shouting. She said, “Every time he hits me, you ask me to forgive him but you never say anything to him.”
Her father said, “He is younger to you.”
“Only by three years. He is nine, I am twelve. He is younger to me at 9 but when I was 9, I was older. I am tired of being the older, more understanding and compassionate sister.”
Perhaps that is what has happened with women. Women have grown tired of being understanding, loving and caring or the better half of the society, while the world says, ‘men will be men.’ Women are expected to do and understand everything about the world as if they have achieved some sort of nirvana but the men have remained the same. The excuse is the same- ‘ He is your husband’ or ‘ You are now married to him. Have patience, he will understand.’ In other words, ‘Wait! He will grow up!’
But men refuse to understand or grow up. The prejudices, the mindsets, the problems have remained the same and perhaps that is why women have rebelled!
The online dating apps have proved to be a life saver for the trapped or even unattached Indian men (and even women) who are looking for a ‘little bit of fun’. These apps promise them an exciting world full of beauty, adventure and anonymity from the comfort of their computers!
The phone is a convenient tool for people who seek love online
In the movie, ‘Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani’, Ranbir Kapoor says, ‘ Shaadi is dal chawal for pachaas saal till you die. Arre life mein thoda bahut keema pav, tangdi kabab, hakka noodle bhi hona chahiye na?’ (Shaadi is rice and lentils for the next fifty years till you die. One should have a bit of keema pav, kebab, hakka noodles too, isn’t it?) This sentiment has been echoed time and again in most Hindi movies, where the poor husband has no choice but to listen to his wife for the rest of his life. It doesn’t matter whether it is an arranged marriage or the one done out of love. The husband cannot help but be tormented by his ever present wife. In movies like Pati, Patni Aur Woh, Sanjeev Kumar loves his wife Vidya Sinha but later falls for Ranjeeta who is obviously more beautiful and desirable. From then till now, countless movies like Biwi No.1 and many more have depicted the adventures of husbands who are fed up with dal chawal and go out to seek more in the world. More often than not they are caught in the end or suffer a heartbreak by the other woman and apologize the wife. But does it really impact their appetite or quest for variety? The advent of apps like Tinder, Aisle, Truly Madly has probably come as an answer to the collective prayers of those poor Indian men who have been desperately looking for some kind of distraction or fun on the side which can spice up their mundane existence. Not all men on these apps are married, some of them are looking for partners because they have been divorced or widowed or were never married in the first place. But then, we all know dating is not as easy as it sounds. It is a game which has been played between men and women for centuries. Earlier, the women played coy, made the men chase them, woo them or even invest in them. Most of these games haven’t changed- they have just been transferred into the online world.
Dating Games
The online world is an interesting place. You can see a man or a woman sitting on the bed or the couch engrossed in their phones, perhaps with a slight smile or a frown on their face and you would not suspect a thing! You wouldn’t know if the man is trying to woo a woman or doing his office work. This is particularly the case of the poor unsuspecting wife in the lockdown who thinks that her oh-so-sincere husband is working from home to ensure that the money flow is not interrupted. She does not question him because he is there right in front of her eyes, looking perfectly innocent! When he gets a phone call, he steps out for hours because he tells her that the background noises in the house tend to disturb his conversations. She agrees and lets him go. After all, what can he do amidst the prying eyes of the neighbours? He is only talking to people in his office! Isn’t he? Sumit, 41 has been working from home since last year. Initially, he found it quite boring because there was nothing else to do except work. He could not gossip with his colleagues or have lunch outside the office. He says, ‘In our office, there are a lot of beautiful young girls who work as interns. It is so refreshing to see a pretty face, the first thing in the morning.’ However, with the lockdown, things changed. Now all he saw was his wife, children and old parents. Meeting friends was fraught with dangers lest he gets COVID. He was at his wit’s end with boredom till he chanced upon a Tinder ad on the net. He logged in and hasn’t been able to log out till date. He says, ‘Life has definitely become more interesting. I cannot meet the girl physically but then apart from that there is nothing we cannot do. There are so many girls I have connected with. Some are intelligent, others are good looking- I am spoilt for choices and my wife does not have to know! She knows I am working hard to make the ends meet. Talking to these girls is like a breath of fresh air and I am hurting no one!’ There are many such men, married and not married. who have found breather from their mundane existence through these dating apps. Joseph 38 has been separated from his wife for the last 8 years. He is not officially divorced as a result of the family. He has been on Tinder for the last 3 years. ‘As a man, there are times I crave for physical intimacy. However, I am not ready for any kind of commitment. Apps like Tinder have people who look for a similar ‘no strings attached’ arrangement which was an ideal situation for me.’ So, how has he been faring after COVID? ‘These days, I have gotten into the online mode where I can talk to the person through video or audio or skype. We can delve into all kinds of talks including the intimate ones and that helps me to cope with my loneliness.’ Satish Kumar, 41, divorcee, and an entrepreneur from Hyderabad, who is at the moment stuck in Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh says, ‘Dating apps are a huge respite for a person like me who is stuck here in the pandemic. I had come to see off my parents who were going to visit my sister in USA. As a result of the lockdown, I couldn’t travel back to my place. I pass my time by chatting with people, especially women from different walks of life.’
The Con Game
So, how has his experience been on these dating apps? Satish says, ‘I am primarily on Tinder and Aisle. Tinder has an advantage that you can connect with people all over the world. I have many friends in different parts of the world whom I can talk to. However, Tinder has a lot of men and women who are nothing but con artists who seek gullible people to extort money. I befriended a divorcee on Tinder. Since I too am looking for a long-term relationship and eventually marriage, I found her good to talk to and we connected well. After a few weeks, she told me that she needed money for her eight-year-old daughter’s treatment. Since, I am myself a father, I could identify with her pain and sent her the money within no time. The next day she had blocked me and all my attempts to contact her failed.’ However, these con games are not just played with men alone. Gullible women are also entrapped by men on these dating sites. Gayatri, a divorcee and an architect from Coimbatore was duped by Prateek who told her that he was short of cash for his mother’s treatment. They had met some months back and Gayatri liked him. ‘I thought he was such a dutiful son to his mother. I talked to his mother on the video call and she seemed like a nice lady. She told me that she had been looking for a daughter-in-law like me who would be a good wife for her son.’ Prateek even came to meet her a couple of times. ‘He seemed to be a decent guy and I thought he was genuinely interested in me. He wasn’t looking for physical intimacy at the moment he said; he was only looking for a long-term relationship that could culminate into marriage. I felt as if he was the answer to all my prayers.’ After some months of regularly talking on the phone and video calls, at about 1 am in the night, Prateek called up Gayatri and said that he needed money for his mother’s heart surgery. ‘He said his mother had suffered a heart attack and even showed her sleeping in some kind of a hospital bed. I could not suspect anything because by that time I was convinced that we will be soon married.’ She transferred 20,000. She tried calling up Prateek afterwards but since then his number is always switched off.
Dr. Anamika Papriwal, a psychologist believes that it is not just the pandemic that has made people vulnerable but also the excessive phone talks. ‘There is no doubt that the pandemic has contributed to a heightened feeling of vulnerability. Most people are finding themselves trapped at home with nowhere to go out. How long can you talk to your friends and even family about the routine, every day happenings? Moreover, these talks don’t impact the brain as much as the talks on the phone do because when you listen to the other person on the phone, it is like some one whispering in your ear. It is more personal, more intimate and it registers in your brain more deeply. These people who manage to dupe people out of such a lot of money are actually called con or confidence artists. If you listen to their talks, they will talk in a very soft and soothing voice which inspires feelings of love, even lust and above all confidence and intimacy. You then start depending on this person and are afraid to lose him or her. The moment they sense this, they move in for the kill.’ Kamaal, 45 believes that the very fact that they enjoy talking to men and women on dating apps makes these people vulnerable. ‘Let us face it. I would not attribute the entire problem to the con artists or the men or women who use these platforms to get money out of people! The truth is that these men and women are having so much fun talking to these people that they stop thinking logically and get duped. The person on the other end knows that she is speaking to someone who is looking for spice in life and she or he provides that spice. If the other person ends up being swindled for being such a love-struck fool, whose fault, is it?’
THIS ARTICLE BY SHAILAZA SINGH APPEARED IN RASHTRADOOT’S ARBIT ON JUNE 1, 2021
तेरे आने की बड़ी तैयारियां की हमने पलके बिछायीं और सपने भी सजाये , बड़ा इंतज़ार किया की तू अब आये.. कुछ नए सूट भी सिलवाए की तुझे पहनाएंगे की अपने दिलबर को हम खुद ही सजायेंगे .. पर जब थक गयी आँखें तेरा रास्ता निहारते जब सूख गया गला तुझे पुकारते तो खुद ही पहन के हमारे अपने दिलबर का लिबास … हम ही बन गए खुद अपने ही ख़ास की तुझसे उम्मीद छोड़ खुद से इश्क़ लड़ाया , तेरे न आने का शुक्रिया… क्योंकि अब हम ने खुद में ही अपना खोया प्यार पाया..
You are your best friend…you are your only love….start a love affair with your own self…you won’t need anyone else..
इस जंगल जैसे शहर में, भीड़ और कोतुहल के किनारे, वह दिखा मुझे सफ़ेद सा, चेहरे पर उसके मंद सी मुस्कान थी, हथेली में समां जाए , इतनी नन्ही सी जान थी .
निहारती रही मैं उसको, पर नाम न दे पायी . वह थोड़ा चलने लगा, मैं भी उसके पीछे चल पड़ी, कुछ सुझा नहीं उसके अलावा , उस पल , उस घड़ी .
यु लगा उसमे ताक़त असीम है , फुर्ती से बढ़ जायेगा , शायद हम दोनों को एक दूजे से सुकून मिल पायेगा . पर न जाने क्यों , वक़्त को ये मंज़ूर नहीं था या शायद हालात ने किया शिकार , की जाने अनजाने घातक हुआ दिल पे वार.
वह मंज़र, वह पल हवा के साथ गायब हो गया . अब तक समझ नहीं पायी क्या हुआ , पर कुछ तो था और वह खो गया .
Yesterday, I was talking to an old friend who wanted me to talk to a single guy. She said that I should call him and just talk to him to get to know him. I promised her I would but I could not because I didn’t feel like doing it. My friend called me up in the night and asked me if I had called up the person. I told her that I did not call since I was very busy. My friend got really miffed with me and commented that the horse doesn’t seem to have lost his urge to drink the water referring to an old proverb.
I pondered over her statement for long and I have come to the conclusion that I have indeed lost my thirst to drink the water. Actually, I have lost interest in this entire dating game because somehow I find it pointless. You meet someone, talk to the person for hours on end and then come to the conclusion that it won’t work out.
It is difficult to keep following this methodology while waiting for that elusive spark with someone who probably does not even exist in this world. My friend feels I am acting as if I am dead but I don’t think so. I feel there is no point in creating relationship just for the heck of it, which lacks a spark just because you have to be with someone.
हमारे देश में औरतों के पास बहुत कानून हैं उनकी रक्षा करने के लिए. पर आजकल आदमियों के पास कुछ नहीं हैं. कई आदमी औरतों क़ानून के हाथ रोज़ पीटते हैं. इसीपर एक कविता … This is a poem about how some men also get beaten everyday by women in the guise of women empowerment. They do not have any laws to support them.
I recently read an article about the actor Matthew McConaughey and what a devoted father and husband he is.
I, for one cannot understand something. Why do we celebrate or praise men for their devotion and ga ga over them? Or is it that we are always suprised when we see a celebrity being devoted to his relationships instead of being self obsessed?
Why do men marry or have kids if they don’t want to be committed or devoted to their family?
On the other hand, a devoted woman seems to be a default piece in the universe! We don’t praise women for their ability to handle everything with ease. We take it for granted that they will do everything without making a big deal about it. If they fail to do it, we raise eyebrows.
I remember having a discussion with a newly married friend. He said, ‘If I start listening to my wife all the time, my friends and my mother will call me ‘joru ka gulam’. I cannot show that I love my wife and children and really care for them.’
I don’t know about the other countries but in India, this is a prevalent thought. Men will do anything for their girlfriends, they will be utterly devoted lovers but the moment the girlfriends become wives, their entire stance will change- so much so that they will not even help their wives in any chore or anything lest some one ridicules them for being so devoted.
I couldn’t help but devote some lines to this phenomenon-
शादी से पहले डार्लिंग, मैं तुम्हारे लिए कुछ भी कर जाऊँगा, पहाड़ पे चढ़ जाऊँगा, तुम मेरी हो जाओ, वर्ना मर जाऊँगा. तुम्हारा हर दर्द मेरी ज़िम्मेदारी है, तेरे बगैर बेकार ये दुनिया सारी है. आशिक़ हूँ तुम्हारा , मैं किसी से नहीं डरता हूँ, इससे बड़ा सच नहीं की मैं तुमसे बहुत प्यार करता हूँ.
शादी के बाद डार्लिंग, मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ पर मेरी माँ से डरता हूँ. तुम मुझे दर्द में भी बुलाओगी तो भी मैं नहीं आऊँगा , नहीं तो मैं जोरू का गुलाम कहलाऊँगा. तुम समझो न, मैं पति हूँ तुम्हारा , तुम्हारे लिए दौड़ आऊं, ऐसा हूँ नहीं कोई आशिक़ आवारा
Greetings! I am a daughter of this country, the way you are. Today, I am writing this letter to you to help you realize some very important blatant truths. These will set you free!
Do you know what those are?
The truth is that you are not born to be married. Actually no man or woman is born to be just married.Getting married will be the worst decision of your life if you don’t do it for the right reasons!
The truth is your parents should not spend their hard earned money on organizing a grand marriage celebration for you just because they want to please the relatives or even you for that matter!
The truth is you are not born to find your prince or princess charming and live happily ever after. There is no person who will rescue you from your problems and set things right.Marriage is not to find a maid or a knight who will solve all your problems and listen to all your nonsense.
The truth is there is no person on this planet who is your perfect soul mate, who was born just for you and who will understand you better than you understand yourself and will love you just the way you are.People spend lives confused about themselves; they are unable to know what they want; how do you expect them to understand you?
Even if you are marrying a guy or a girl you’ve dated for 10 years, trust me he or she will not change, so don’t try to change him or her . He or she will change in his or her own time.Marriage does not mean the rebirth or rewiring or reincarnation of person!
The truth is even if your features are perfect, you have an enviable figure, or you are tall. dark and handsome and adored by millions, there are chances that your marriage or relationship may not survive and your husband or wife may not live up to your expectations or vice versa.Having expectations in a marriage ends the game before it has even started!
Your mother-in-law is not your mother and will never be.
Hold it!
Before you just shrug your shoulders or wonder what kind of a mad woman is saying this, let me explain my point of view.
Girls, you were not born to be married: In the olden days, marriage was about security. You see it was a very male dominated society, where men could do whatever they wanted. So, in order to save the women from all kinds of pitiable fate, the law makers decided to make a new law. Women who were married to men had to wear some kind of a mark on them for people to recognize them as married. These married women were the property of the men they were married to and no other man could look at them. In that society, so long the girl was unmarried, she was not safe from lecherous advances of men. So, the parents decided that marriage was the safest option for their daughters. Today, we live in better times (relatively). Most girls can earn and fend for themselves. Most girls know how to defend themselves. So, you don’t have to get married just because the society is telling you to or your parents are telling you to.
In the early days when parents married their daughters off to these men, they also had to express their gratefulness by gifting them wealth. Since the girl was not educated and ensuring her needs are met was her husband’s responsibility, this wealth was also considered as a means of sharing the burden. However, today men and women can earn their bread and butter and earn their own money and create their own lives. So don’t let your parents spend their hard earned money on a lavish marriage or lavish gifts.
Marriage should not be about compulsion. Marriage should be about choice. You don’t have to get married but you choose to get married. However, even if you choose to get married, be under no illusion. Prince Charming or princess perfect does not exist. The person you will get married to will have his or her own problems, will in all probability not understand you most of the times (unless he or she has been transported from planet Perfect which is located in Goodness Knows Where galaxy). So do not expect him or her to solve your problems. You both can work on solving problems together but marriage is not a one man show. Both husband and wife have to work together.
Husband is not a soul mate or any mate, not for the first few years anyways and same is the case with you. If you are very lucky, then you are an anomaly and we are not talking about you. Your husband will not love you the way you are, not initially. He will get used to the way you are. The more you spend time together, have patience, the more you will get to know each other and understand each other. However, there are plenty of friends you can hang out with rather than pressurizing your spouse to spend their time with you.
These days marriages don’t really survive unless you want it to thrive and are willing to work without your mobile and laptop and with your partner! You may do your best, your husband or wife may be a great person but still marriages break because of stress, constant problems and more. So, quit having expectations. Marriage can only survive with loads of patience and love..
A mother-in-law can never be a mother. Do not confide in her excessively. As of now, with your entry into her life, she is insecure about her position in her son’s or daughter’s life and can use anything to show him or her that she is more bothered about him or her than you are. However, please treat her kindly and nicely.
You’ve known this guy or girl for so many years (unless it was a quickly arranged marriage). After marriage, he or she is the same way; irritable, irrational and forever upset. Let me ask you this…will you change? Did you change? How can he change overnight! So don’t expect him to change.
NEVER EVER MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC! THAT DOESN’T WORK DESPITE YOUR BEST INTENTIONS!
DON’T TRY TO RESCUE MEN OR WOMEN OR FIX THEIR LIVES BY MARRYING THEM AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO BE GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT!
Mistakes can happen. If you made a wrong choice, do not make it the second time. It is okay to be alone till you do not find someone who is worthwhile.
Men or their families are not evil or bad. Just like you, they have their own problems and challenges. Just because they don’t agree with you or understand you doesn’t make the villains of your life!
Remember!!!!
No marriage is perfect.
Everyone is struggling.
Patience is very important.
Control your expectations. Be fair.
Please don’t get married because you have to get married.Your parents may be forcing you today but if you do not agree, they will eventually come around. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness, sometimes people are more lonely after marriage.
Please get married if you choose to be together.And this choice has to be made everyday because humans are not monogamous by genetics. It is an enforced, conditioned behavior which becomes a part of us over a period of time.
Marriage is a very small part of life girls. Don’t make it such a big part or the only part of your lives that you stop living life itself!
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a beautiful princess. When she grew up, her father started looking for a groom for her. Soon the word spread and a young handsome lad who was famous for his bravery won her heart and hand. They got married and the lad started living in the palace. His wife gave him the keys to all the rooms in the palace and said, ‘Darling, you can open any room you like. But, if you want me by your side, please do not open the room with the heavy iron door.’ The lad agreed. However, when he saw the room with the great iron door, he could not resist. He opened it and stepped inside. He saw a fearsome demon who laughed at his naivety and said, ‘Now, your wife will be mine!’ The demon carried the princess away and the lad went after them. After a lot of fight, he finally managed to kill the demon with the help of his wife. They came back to the palace and opened all the rooms of the palace. They slayed the demons and lived happily ever after.
There is room in my house. I usually keep the door closed because my dogs like to sneak into it and chew anything that they find interesting enough. The room has a balcony but we do not use it often. Everything that I don’t like or I feel is not required goes into that room. Sometimes, things that I don’t understand also go into this room because I always think that I may need them later.
My daughter wants this room for her own. She wants to create her own space in this room and design it her way. She keeps telling me her plans and I just keep nodding my head. I don’t agree or disagree with anything my teenager says. But thankfully, my room does not have too many things at least as compared to my mother’s room of everything.
This is not because I am a very good organizer or I like to throw clutter every now and then. In fact far from it. Instead, the reason my room is still manageable is because I have a maid who helps me to get rid of things that I don’t need. Though she dusts the house quite well, she does not like to dust most things in that room because she feels that its a waste of her effort. However, she knows that the room has to be kept clean and tidy. So, she keeps telling me to throw this or give that when she dusts the room. I cannot refute her logic or arguments because they are mostly valid. Yet, I cannot bring myself to throw most of the things in that room. So, we have devised a little charade to trick my mind. I pack up the things that I want to get rid of and put them away. If I don’t need them or remember them in the entire month, I give them away. However, I still cannot bring my self to throw away most of the things. But, I am thankful for my maid who does not let the clutter pile up into an unmanageable mess! My mother on the other hand does not let any one get into that room. The last time I sneaked into that room, I saw a huge looming mountain of clutter.
I wish the closed rooms of our heart and mind could also be cleaned or managed as easily. The rooms where we hide all our hurts, unresolved emotions, destructive patterns and even demons mostly remain locked. We hide them with fancy doors and curtains and don’t even acknowledge their presence. The problem is that unlike this world, there, in those depths of our being, there is no one to help us understand what to keep and what to throw.
We must do the spring cleaning ourselves and that is perhaps the most difficult feat of all!
Thoughts!
Old and dusty, cobwebs abound,
The lost memories of old marriages, hurts and resentments can be found.
The happy honeymoon and the sadness that it left behind,
Still sometimes creep into the heart and mind.
There must be a drainex or harpic to flush these memories away,
For they block all the light in the room and leave a shadow gloomy and grey.
Do you have a room like this in your house or heart? How do you manage it? Does it scare you? Do share your story with us!
Here is an ode to love and marriage! As I look at people in the world today, I am glad to say that I am happily single! So, I wrote a poem to gloat over my freedom and wonder why people like to fall in life oops love!
There are times I feel alone,
Wishing that I had some one of my own.
I hug myself and watch other people from my window,
To see how togetherness binds,
Instead of romantic stories, my observations have gathered some interesting finds.
Every evening, a live-in couple has to fight,
To decide who is always wrong and who is always right.
Their sweet nothings lasted as long as their struggle to stay together,
When everyone agreed, their faces changed like the weather.
Scowls and grimances replaced the smiles and laughter,
Now fights and disagreements make up their happily ever after.
Another window shows a man washing utensils while his wife shouts at the top of her voice,
The neighbours have gotten used to the ruckus and the endless noise.
No matter what the man does, the woman always complains,
She shouts at him for every thing, even the untimely rains.
I see a woman with a sad face looking out of the window,
Perhaps she is searching for the lost romance and love’s glow.
Her face is lined with care and she keeps turning around to look at the clock,
She has to be at the door at 6 pm before her husband can knock.
She pours him his first drink and knows that he will slap her as soon as he gets high,
She waits for the inevitable as she gazes at the night sky.
Then there is a man next door, who doesn’t know what to do,
Because his new wife filed a dowry case against him after saying I love you!
I look at the faces of men and women who dreamt of being together for ever and aye,
All the vibrancy, hope and laughter gone; their faces have a ghostly grimness today.
I wonder if people who wrote these romance novels were single or embittered married men and women,
Who kept their unrealized fantasies alive by writing them with a pen.
Or perhaps they were looking for revenge and wanted every one to believe in happily ever after,
So that they could enjoy the plight of these hopelessly trapped couples and their unhappy lives could be filled with devilish laughter.
I am happy I did not fall into this romantic trap that has been elaborately laid out for all.
Now I know why no one rises in love; poor unsuspecting fools always fall!
Shirin has a dream where Faith talks to her and tells her not to search for her because she does not matter to anyone.
‘Faith,’ Shirin whispered as she looked at her. Faith was wearing her wedding dress. ‘Yes Ma, it is me and I have come to tell you something. I know you’ve been so worried about me. You’ve left everything behind just to find me. Your husband and mother-in-law are upset with you. Why are you going to such a lot of trouble for a person nobody remembers or even bothers about?
Who am I? To you, I am your daughter, but for the world, I am a nobody. They forgot me the moment I got married. To them, I am not even a tiny, momentary speck in this indifferent universe. My existence does not matter to anyone. So, why worry so much about some body like me?
You have spent days looking for me in this hot and dry desert. Even if you are able to find me and bring me home, what will happen? My father will berate me, my grand mother will keep telling cursing my existence because she feels that I am a liability that needs to be protected from this cruel world.
As a girl, it does not matter that I can work and earn on my own. It is not important that I can create my own life. To people like Papa and Dadi, I am still a liability.
There are women in big cities who are working and living their own lives but every now and then, something happens with one of them that reminds the people that girls are still vulnerable, they still need protection despite all their progress.
When that ‘something’ happens to one of these ‘independent’ girls living in big cities, the impact is felt by every girl living in every village, every town. That one incident is narrated to the girls day in and day out. It shakes up their confidence and faith in themselves and the world around them. The parents become even more fearful for their daughters. Some of them even wish that they had no daughters.
At that time, their achievements, their progress does not matter. It does not matter that women have made their mark in every sphere of life.
All that matters is that they are women and a nameless person can rip them apart in a fraction of second. He may be a nobody but every body in this world is scared of him just because he is a man.
Ma, don’t search for me even though I am your daughter. I do not matter. People are happier without me.
Finding me will destroy your peace of mind. You will forever be worried about me. Forget that you even had a daughter. With me gone, you are free to travel, to explore the world, to find yourself again.’
With a whiff of the mist, she disappeared. Shirin opened her eyes. She was in her bed in Jaisalmer. Shirin opened her eyes. She was in her bed in Jaisalmer.
Why do women need permission from men to pursue their dreams or do what they want?
When we are children, we often ask for permission from our parents or guardians to do something new. However, that is perfectly okay since we are young and need guidance to understand the world. However, as adults why is it that most of the times it is the women who need permission from men and not the other way round?
Some days ago, I was talking to a very well-educated lady. Her only dream was to write a book. I asked her what is stopping her and she said that her husband did not ‘permit’ her. According to him, it was a frivolous pursuit and she should concentrate on more important matters like their children, her job etc.
This made me wonder. Why do women need permission from men to pursue their heart’s desire? For the woman in question, I would have probably understood her husband’s reluctance if she had expressed the desire to relocate to another city, state or country in the pursuit of her dream. Such a situation would require a detailed discussion since it would impact the children and every day life. However, here there was nothing like that. All that the lady wanted to do was to write a book and she was quite qualified to do it.
I have heard of women who want to study further or those who want to do a job but their husbands don’t ‘allow’ it. On the other hand, if the men want to pursue a new career or want to learn something new, they seldom ask for permission.
In the movie ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’ when Rahul Bose’s character informs every one that it was he who ‘allowed’ his wife to start her own business, Farhan Akhtar’s character questions him as to why did his wife need to seek permission from him because if we allow someone something we place ourselves a notch higher than that person.
So the question is that in the twenty first century where we are constantly shunning and fighting off gender biases, why do women need permission from men to follow their dreams? Why cannot they follow their dreams just like men?
You must be logged in to post a comment.