Sometimes, when I think of my grandmother or great grandmother or other women before them, I wonder how they were able to live with one person and his family for the rest of their lives. Heck! there wasn’t even some sort of a transition phase or perhaps an internship of sorts where they could understand the environment in their marital home before they settled in for ever. How did they then adjust to such a situation? Why didn’t they think of taking a divorce or something? Were there no problems in their lives? Did they really love their husbands?
I have been closely observing a lot of relationship these days. Especially, the ones where people have grown old with each other. Men and women in these relationships often keep commenting or throwing barbs at each other. In fact, in most, there is nothing lovey dovey left. But it seems that there is a level of patience and tolerance that they have with each other. It is that same tolerance which a parent has when he finds his child with the mic and trying to sing poems and songs in a hall full of guests in an official party. I would call it ‘loving tolerance’.
However, that tolerance does not exist in today’s world in most marriages. Women or men want a perfect, psychic partner who is completely at their beck and command.
I remember an incident where a friend of mine, Anamika was shouting at her younger brother. Her father came and asked her the reason for this shouting. She said, “Every time he hits me, you ask me to forgive him but you never say anything to him.”
Her father said, “He is younger to you.”
“Only by three years. He is nine, I am twelve. He is younger to me at 9 but when I was 9, I was older. I am tired of being the older, more understanding and compassionate sister.”
Perhaps that is what has happened with women. Women have grown tired of being understanding, loving and caring or the better half of the society, while the world says, ‘men will be men.’ Women are expected to do and understand everything about the world as if they have achieved some sort of nirvana but the men have remained the same. The excuse is the same- ‘ He is your husband’ or ‘ You are now married to him. Have patience, he will understand.’ In other words, ‘Wait! He will grow up!’
But men refuse to understand or grow up. The prejudices, the mindsets, the problems have remained the same and perhaps that is why women have rebelled!