Tag: 2021

  • The Illogically Arranged Marriage

    The more I think of it, the more I feel arranged marriage is the most illogical form of two people coming together more so in the not so urban or educated segments.

    A daughter is born much to the trepidation of the father who starts thinking about her marriage from the very beginning. The mother decides to train her in the household work not because those are life skills but because that is what she will do for the rest of her life in her husband’s house. She won’t be earning money or talking intelligently so her education is given the least importance. If it is free and if she has time, she goes, else not.

    Her passion, her desires, her ambition mean nothing to anyone. Finally, she is married off to a stranger. A dowry is given, you can consider it a fee for her life long stay in her husband’s house or a thankyou from the bride’s family so that they dont have to worry about her any longer. Now she is expected to reprogram herself to accept her in laws as parents and her husband as the lord of her life. Unfortunately, there is no way of inducing partial amnesia in her…if there was, the in laws would have loved to use it provided the parents paid for it.

    Each time she goes back to her parental home, she is expected to return with gifts and money because the gratefulness is expected gor a lifetime.The husband’s work is done. He has a sex toy and his mother has a maid cum punching bag. His father is happy because he keeps getting free money in cash or kind each time she interacts with her parents. A child is an added bonus. Only if its a boy!

  • Net Time- Virtually Yours

    Most people would like to find their love online these days. They love the sense of adventure, thrill that comes with it. There are millions of options available no doubt. However, the net also has an abundance of scammers who are just waiting to ensnare those besotted with love!

    One goes, others come- Bus, Train and Chats!

    Sunita, 39 was quite upset. Her online friend had not been talking to her for an entire week now. They had been friends for over two months. He did not answer her calls and just sent a cryptic message saying, ‘will talk later’. One day, her friend Mansi came to meet her. ‘Why are you so upset?’ she asked. Sunita told her the issue. Mansi nonchalantly said, ‘he must have found someone more loaded. After all, its an investment of time!’

    Sunita revealed that her online friend had asked her for her photographs which she refused to give. Since then, he had become distant and kept saying that she did not trust him enough. Mansi nodded, ‘yes, he wanted to have a little bit of ‘fun’. When he could not get it from you, he decided to try his luck elsewhere. Remember, in real life or net, when one goes, other comes whether bus or train or even a chat friend.’

    Options Galore

    Dr. Anamika Papriwal, a psychologist says, ‘When one goes on apps like Tinder or TrulyMadly or Aisle, they are given an impression that there are plenty of options to choose from. It is like being in the biggest supermarket of the world where you have millions of options to choose from. So, you will always keep wondering if there is anything better than the one you currently have or if you don’t get the desired features from that product, you will have no qualms about leaving it and trying for the next best option. As a result, the relationships online are hardly long lasting unless you disconnect from the app once you have found the person you were looking for.’

    Need based transactions

    When Arunima 41, decided to come to India for two months, she knew she would be lonely without her husband and daughter. She comes here regularly to take care of her business and stays for months at a time. She says, ‘Every time I come here, I start scoring for people who are looking for a casual, no strings attached fling. After all, why should boys have all the fun? I have a family back home and I am not looking for any kind of melodrama or complications or monetary problems. There are many who are looking for the same thing and we get together. Once the two months are over, we bid adieu and promise to never be in touch again. So far this arrangement has worked for me quite well.’

    Kaveri Banerjee a psychologist based in Delhi says, ‘Online relationships are nothing but simple transactions that are a matter of convenience for most people. They are mostly need based and not based on emotions or long term. When the need is met, the people go their own separate ways.’

    Agrees Govind, 35, ‘I am a single guy who is not looking for long term. When I meet a girl online, I want to meet her immediately so that I can evaluate if we are a good fit. If she delays the meeting or does not want to meet before knowing me and chatting with me, I tell her that I don’t have either the time or the patience for such conversations.’

    Honey! I want your money

    Vihaan was 50-year-old widower, settled in Chandigarh. His sons and daughters were married and were living in different parts of the country and the world. Vihaan stayed alone in his house with his servants. One of his friends advised him to logon to Tinder, an app for single men and women. Vihaan liked the idea because he could look at prospective matches from the comfort of his house. He chanced upon Aparna, a single mother working in a not-for-profit organization (NGO). She was a 45-year-old divorcee who had a college going son. They instantly hit off and Aparna even introduced Vihaan to her son Nikhil.

    They talked for long hours on end on audio and video calls and Aparna told him how she had single-handedly raised Nikhil after her husband walked away with another woman. Vihaan felt he had met a kindred soul in Aparna. He talked to his friends and they advised him to go and meet his dream girl. Aparna readily agreed to the idea. Vihaan had booked his tickets for the following week. Before the day he was to travel to meet her, Vihaan got a call from Aparna at about 1 a.m. She told him that Nikhil had met with a serious accident and was in the ICU. He had lost a lot of blood and the doctors would not operate until she deposited 2 lakh rupees. She said she did not have that kind of cash and asked him to help. Vihaan asked her for her account number and promptly transferred 2 lakh rupees. After about five minutes, he received a ‘thanks’ on WhatsApp from her number. He tried calling but now her number is always switched off.

    Sonakshi was a 44-year-old single lady living with her parents in Hyderabad. She was a very successful entrepreneur who had been too busy for marriage during her youth. Now, she felt the need to share her life with someone. Her friends advised her to download a dating app. Soon, she got connected to Raghu, a businessman who was based in New York, USA. Raghu was an issueless divorcee who was looking for his soulmate. He was a great conversationalist and Sonakshi discovered that they could talk for hours on end about every topic in the world. After about two months, Raghu told Sonakshi that he will be coming to meet her. He wanted to marry her and take her back with him. Sonakshi’s joy knew no bounds. Raghu sent her pictures of all the expensive gifts including Apple iPad, diamond jewellery that he had purchased for her. Sonakshi’s friends warned her to be patient and not get blown away by such gestures. But Sonakshi could not wait. She was ready to meet her Prince Charming. On the day that Raghu was supposed to reach Mumbai, Sonakshi got a call on her phone. The man speaking on the other end said that he was calling from the customs department in Mumbai airport. He told her that Raghu has been arrested since he had items worth more than the permissible limit and unless he paid, they will not let him go. Sonakshi asked them to send the details where she could send the payment and the person sent her a link. She was asked to pay 1 lakh, which she immediately paid without even thinking. Then she got a call from the concierge at the hotel where Raghu’s stay was booked. She was told that though Raghu was supposed to make the payment to book the room, his phone was out of reach. So, they asked her to make the payment of 50,000 INR. They sent her the link and she made the payment. After sometime, she got a call from Raghu who told her that the custom’s issue was solved and he wanted a business class ticket from Mumbai to Hyderabad. He asked her to transfer 50,000 INR and said that he will return it as soon as he meets her. Sonakshi transferred the money. She later tried to call Raghu but since that time his phone has been switched off.

    Dr. Anamika Papriwal, a psychologist says, ‘I have heard of women talking to men for days and they asking them to pay their children’s fee or give them money for their daily expenditure. Many of these people who pull off such scams have an innate understanding of the human behaviour. They first befriend the person, establish trust with them and then spend time talking to them. Once the person starts trusting them, they start with small transactions which they promptly return to again establish trust. Once that is done, they move in for the kill. In a way, it is an addiction where the person gets addicted to the other person. You can get anything done from an addict who needs his daily dose. That is how this works!’

    Truelove.com

    However, not all is gruesome and gory in the world of online dating. There are stories where people have found true love too.
    Thirty-year-old Puja met Nikhil on a dating app. Initially, she thought he was quite arrogant and snobbish. However, when they started chatting, she realized that he and she shared the same dreams and values. Nikhil travelled to Baroda to meet Puja and her family. After a while, Puja too visited Nikhil and his parents in Lucknow. Soon, they were married and are now blessed with a baby boy.
    Arjun, a 35-year-old doctor living in Gurgaon had faced rejection from a lot of girls. Online, he met Shruti, an interior designer who was also living in Gurgaon.  Shruti was beautiful but suffering from self-image issues owing to her weight. They connected and realized that they had a lot in common. They got married after dating for two years and are still going strong.

    This article was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit on 2 June 2021.
  • LOVE VIRTUALLY- GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

    The online dating apps have proved to be a life saver for the trapped or even unattached Indian men (and even women) who are looking for a ‘little bit of fun’. These apps promise them an exciting world full of beauty, adventure and anonymity from the comfort of their computers!

    The phone is a convenient tool for people who seek love online

    In the movie, ‘Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani’, Ranbir Kapoor says, ‘ Shaadi is dal chawal for pachaas saal till you die. Arre life mein thoda bahut keema pav, tangdi kabab, hakka noodle bhi hona chahiye na?’ (Shaadi is rice and lentils for the next fifty years till you die. One should have a bit of keema pav, kebab, hakka noodles too, isn’t it?)
    This sentiment has been echoed time and again in most Hindi movies, where the poor husband has no choice but to listen to his wife for the rest of his life. It doesn’t matter whether it is an arranged marriage or the one done out of love. The husband cannot help but be tormented by his ever present wife. In movies like Pati, Patni Aur Woh, Sanjeev Kumar loves his wife Vidya Sinha but later falls for Ranjeeta who is obviously more beautiful and desirable. From then till now, countless movies like Biwi No.1 and many more have depicted the adventures of husbands who are fed up with dal chawal and go out to seek more in the world. More often than not they are caught in the end or suffer a heartbreak by the other woman and apologize the wife. But does it really impact their appetite or quest for variety?
    The advent of apps like Tinder, Aisle, Truly Madly has probably come as an answer to the collective prayers of those poor Indian men who have been desperately looking for some kind of distraction or fun on the side which can spice up their mundane existence. Not all men on these apps are married, some of them are looking for partners because they have been divorced or widowed or were never married in the first place. But then, we all know dating is not as easy as it sounds. It is a game which has been played between men and women for centuries. Earlier, the women played coy, made the men chase them, woo them or even invest in them. Most of these games haven’t changed- they have just been transferred into the online world.


    Dating Games


    The online world is an interesting place. You can see a man or a woman sitting on the bed or the couch engrossed in their phones, perhaps with a slight smile or a frown on their face and you would not suspect a thing! You wouldn’t know if the man is trying to woo a woman or doing his office work. This is particularly the case of the poor unsuspecting wife in the lockdown who thinks that her oh-so-sincere husband is working from home to ensure that the money flow is not interrupted. She does not question him because he is there right in front of her eyes, looking perfectly innocent! When he gets a phone call, he steps out for hours because he tells her that the background noises in the house tend to disturb his conversations. She agrees and lets him go. After all, what can he do amidst the prying eyes of the neighbours? He is only talking to people in his office! Isn’t he?
    Sumit, 41 has been working from home since last year. Initially, he found it quite boring because there was nothing else to do except work. He could not gossip with his colleagues or have lunch outside the office. He says, ‘In our office, there are a lot of beautiful young girls who work as interns. It is so refreshing to see a pretty face, the first thing in the morning.’ However, with the lockdown, things changed. Now all he saw was his wife, children and old parents. Meeting friends was fraught with dangers lest he gets COVID. He was at his wit’s end with boredom till he chanced upon a Tinder ad on the net. He logged in and hasn’t been able to log out till date. He says, ‘Life has definitely become more interesting. I cannot meet the girl physically but then apart from that there is nothing we cannot do. There are so many girls I have connected with. Some are intelligent, others are good looking- I am spoilt for choices and my wife does not have to know! She knows I am working hard to make the ends meet. Talking to these girls is like a breath of fresh air and I am hurting no one!’
    There are many such men, married and not married. who have found breather from their mundane existence through these dating apps.
    Joseph 38 has been separated from his wife for the last 8 years. He is not officially divorced as a result of the family. He has been on Tinder for the last 3 years. ‘As a man, there are times I crave for physical intimacy. However, I am not ready for any kind of commitment. Apps like Tinder have people who look for a similar ‘no strings attached’ arrangement which was an ideal situation for me.’ So, how has he been faring after COVID? ‘These days, I have gotten into the online mode where I can talk to the person through video or audio or skype. We can delve into all kinds of talks including the intimate ones and that helps me to cope with my loneliness.’
    Satish Kumar, 41, divorcee, and an entrepreneur from Hyderabad, who is at the moment stuck in Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh says, ‘Dating apps are a huge respite for a person like me who is stuck here in the pandemic. I had come to see off my parents who were going to visit my sister in USA. As a result of the lockdown, I couldn’t travel back to my place. I pass my time by chatting with people, especially women from different walks of life.’

    The Con Game


    So, how has his experience been on these dating apps? Satish says, ‘I am primarily on Tinder and Aisle. Tinder has an advantage that you can connect with people all over the world. I have many friends in different parts of the world whom I can talk to. However, Tinder has a lot of men and women who are nothing but con artists who seek gullible people to extort money. I befriended a divorcee on Tinder. Since I too am looking for a long-term relationship and eventually marriage, I found her good to talk to and we connected well. After a few weeks, she told me that she needed money for her eight-year-old daughter’s treatment. Since, I am myself a father, I could identify with her pain and sent her the money within no time. The next day she had blocked me and all my attempts to contact her failed.’
    However, these con games are not just played with men alone. Gullible women are also entrapped by men on these dating sites. Gayatri, a divorcee and an architect from Coimbatore was duped by Prateek who told her that he was short of cash for his mother’s treatment. They had met some months back and Gayatri liked him. ‘I thought he was such a dutiful son to his mother. I talked to his mother on the video call and she seemed like a nice lady. She told me that she had been looking for a daughter-in-law like me who would be a good wife for her son.’ Prateek even came to meet her a couple of times. ‘He seemed to be a decent guy and I thought he was genuinely interested in me. He wasn’t looking for physical intimacy at the moment he said; he was only looking for a long-term relationship that could culminate into marriage. I felt as if he was the answer to all my prayers.’ After some months of regularly talking on the phone and video calls, at about 1 am in the night, Prateek called up Gayatri and said that he needed money for his mother’s heart surgery. ‘He said his mother had suffered a heart attack and even showed her sleeping in some kind of a hospital bed. I could not suspect anything because by that time I was convinced that we will be soon married.’ She transferred 20,000. She tried calling up Prateek afterwards but since then his number is always switched off.


    Dr. Anamika Papriwal, a psychologist believes that it is not just the pandemic that has made people vulnerable but also the excessive phone talks. ‘There is no doubt that the pandemic has contributed to a heightened feeling of vulnerability. Most people are finding themselves trapped at home with nowhere to go out. How long can you talk to your friends and even family about the routine, every day happenings? Moreover, these talks don’t impact the brain as much as the talks on the phone do because when you listen to the other person on the phone, it is like some one whispering in your ear. It is more personal, more intimate and it registers in your brain more deeply. These people who manage to dupe people out of such a lot of money are actually called con or confidence artists. If you listen to their talks, they will talk in a very soft and soothing voice which inspires feelings of love, even lust and above all confidence and intimacy. You then start depending on this person and are afraid to lose him or her. The moment they sense this, they move in for the kill.’
    Kamaal, 45 believes that the very fact that they enjoy talking to men and women on dating apps makes these people vulnerable. ‘Let us face it. I would not attribute the entire problem to the con artists or the men or women who use these platforms to get money out of people! The truth is that these men and women are having so much fun talking to these people that they stop thinking logically and get duped. The person on the other end knows that she is speaking to someone who is looking for spice in life and she or he provides that spice. If the other person ends up being swindled for being such a love-struck fool, whose fault, is it?’

    THIS ARTICLE BY SHAILAZA SINGH APPEARED IN RASHTRADOOT’S ARBIT ON JUNE 1, 2021

  • वक़्त पर छोड़ दो


    क्यों सोचना इतना की दिमाग ख़राब हो जाये,
    क्यों ढूंढना इतना की हम खुद ही खो जाएं .
    कश्ती को भॅवर में जाने से पहले मोड़ दो,
    कुछ बातें वक़्त पर छोड़ दो.


    आने वाले पल की पंखुड़ी,
    धीरे धीरे आँख खोलेगी .
    जो होना है .
    तुमको इशारों में बोलेगी,
    इतने बेचैन मत बनो की मिटटी के पकने से पहले,
    तुम कच्चे घड़े को फोड़ दो.
    कुछ बातें वक़्त पर छोड़ दो.


    जिनको मिलना होता है,
    उनको रोक नहीं पता ज़माना,
    और जहाँ मिलन नहीं,
    वहां बनता नहीं फ़साना
    तुम अभी कसके पकड़ो अरमानो की डोर को
    कुछ बातें वक़्त पर छोड़ दो.


    उसको भी उड़ने दो, तुम भी भरो उड़ान ,
    दोनों की हो अपनी पहचान ..
    साथ चलो एक नयी चेतना जगाओ ,
    वह तुम्हारी बने , तुम उसकी प्रेरणा बन जाओ
    पंख फैलाओ और मत मानो गगन के छोर को .
    कुछ बातें वक़्त पर छोड़ दो
    – शैलजा

  • Understanding the Misunderstood

    Camilla Townsend’s book ‘The Fifth Sun’ dispels the age-old notions that depicted Aztecs as a blood thirsty, barbaric civilization and throws light on their triumphs and struggles.

    According to the Aztec folklore, the universe had imploded four times previously and they were living under the fifth sun thanks to the courage of an ordinary man called ‘Nanahuatzin (Na-na-wa-tzeen). When the Gods asked for a volunteer who could immolate himself and bring forth a new sun, Nanahuatzin volunteered and without much fanfare stepped into the fire. As he burned, the sun rose and the life on the earth was saved.


    When I read this interesting story from Camilla Townsend’s book “The Fifth Sun: A New History of Aztecs”, which had been awarded the Montreal’s McGill University’s much coveted US$ 75,000 Cundill History Prize 2020, I was reminded of a similar legend inscribed on a plaque in the Mehrangarh fort of Jodhpur in Rajasthan.

    When Rao Jodha wanted to build a grand fort on a hillock, a saint who was known as the Chidiyawale Baba was meditating in that area. Disturbed by the soldier, he cursed that if the king attempts to build the fort of his dreams, his kingdom would be fraught with repeated draughts. When the king begged the saint for forgiveness, the saint told him that though he could not take the curse back but if the king could find a man who is buried alive on his own will, the curse would be neutralized and the city would be protected. Thus in 1459 they found a volunteer in Rajaram Meghwal, who agreed to sacrifice his life protect the land and its people. In return, Rao Jodha promised him that he and his heirs would look after Rajaram’s family.
    But, the question is would a foreigner understand this sacrifice or would he term it as a barbaric act? How can someone truly understand and appreciate these acts of heroism and sacrifice unless they understand the underlying culture, bravery and emotions of the person who willingly chose to end his life for a cause which he perceived to be much greater than him?
    In most articles, books and movies, the Aztecs have been depicted as people who loved violence and brutally sacrificed people for their own pleasure or purposes. The Spanish conquistadors who came wrote about the grisly ceremonies where the Aztec priests would slice open their victims’ chests and offer their still beating hearts to the Gods. The bodies would then be tossed down the steps of the towering temple of Mayor. Many archaeologists have found skull racks and towers during the course of their digs and expeditions.

    Movies like Apocaylpto have enough violence to convince the world that this ancient civilization knew nothing else. Spanish is a language spoken by millions across the world, hence when the Spanish conquistadors wrote about their perceptions and impressions of this ancient civilization, people took it to be the truth.
    No one till now really bothered to go beyond this widespread perception of the Aztecs because for the people of the west it would mean looking at the other side of the story. It would mean understanding the point of view of an almost extinct civilization, the people who were really not ‘Indians’ but had been forced with a name just because when the famous explorer Christopher Columbus landed in Antilles near Mexico, he believed that he had reached the Indian Ocean. Though the mistake was discovered with time but the name stuck with Europeans, the Spanish friars and the subsequent explorers who referred to the native Americans as Indians. It seems quite similar to how some people still think of India as a land of snake charmers and elephants!


    ‘After the conquest, the young people trained in the Roman alphabet began to write down what the various elders said, carefully transcribing their words onto paper and then storing the folios on a special shelf or in a locked box- another well-loved innovation that the Spaniards had brought…[…].’
    It was these records that helped Camilla Townsend, who is an American historian and distinguished professor of history at Rutgers University, New Jersey in United States, to understand the real Aztecs and their life. In her book, she says she ‘was sitting in a library when heard a captured Aztec princess shouting at her enemies.’ This inspired her to read the accounts of the early native Americans in Nahuatl (Na-wat) and Spanish and write a book which for the first time presented the Aztec point of view to the world.
    From the book, it is obvious that the Aztecs were intelligent, enterprising and tough people who had learnt to make the best of every situation that they found themselves in.
    In one story, when they found themselves living as the servants of another, more powerful ancient tribe, they devised a plan for their freedom. They offered to take responsibility for handling the festivities of an upcoming religious holiday and asked the overlord chiefs to lend them their broken cast off weapons for a performance for the rulers which they were happily given. After all, what could they do with the old weapons?
    ‘They worked night after night, patiently, painstakingly gluing, sewing and repairing, rendering the feathered, painted shields and spears truly beautiful . At last, they were ready to launch their bid for their people’s freedom- which of course they won.’
    Aztecs were known for their sacrifices. Some prisoners of war were sacrificed in religious festivals while the women desired by the warrior were sent to his household. However, the sacrifices were not as gory as the movies and books have made them out to be.
    ‘In reality, it seems to have been a gravely quiet, spellbinding experience for the onlookers, […]. After a sacrifice, the warrior who had captured and presented the victim kept the remains (the hair and ceremonial regalia) in a special reed chest in a place of honour in his home for as long as he lived.’
    It was mostly men who were sacrificed, however, when women were sacrificed the ceremony was different.
    ‘In one annual festival, for instance, a young girl taken in war was brought from a local temple to the home of her captor. She dipped her hand in blue paint and left her print on the lintel of his door, a holy mark that would last for years and remind people of the gift she gave of her life. Then she was taken back to the temple to face the cutting stone. It was an ancient tradition among the native people not to give way before one’s enemies; such stoicism brought great honour. ‘
    This reminded me of the sacrifices made by women in the Indian culture specially when they had to perform jauhar to preserve their honour. Even today, many of Rajasthan’s forts have handprints of women who sacrificed their lives for their honour. In India’s history too, whether in war or death, men who have met their fate with courage have been revered and honoured.


    When I asked Camilla Townsend about why sacrifices were such an integral part of all the ancient cultures of the world, she said, “I think the concept of a human sacrifice began as this idea where the ancient human beings were trying to show the divine that they were willing to accept their fate in a rather beautiful way. But unlike the common depiction in many books, these sacrifices initially were not an attempt to humiliate the enemy. On the contrary if the young warrior died without screaming, he was given a great honour as if he himself was a God. All warriors knew that if they were taken prisoners, that would be their fate. They would then try to show themselves, their enemies, their Gods and their people how strong they were and how willing to die they were for the cause.”
    However, she further added that when the Aztecs were at the height of their power, sacrifices acquired a different meaning all together. “In the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries when the Aztec civilization was at its prime, instead of sacrificing an occasional prisoner of war, they started to sacrifice dozens of their enemies and prisoners of war. We have a text from that time which says that they used to go and kidnap or take people from the outskirts, places they were interested in conquering and bring them to their capital city and watch the sacrifices. These terrified people were then sent back to their homes where they convinced their townsmen to give up without a fight or else be prepared for a terrible war.”


    Another interesting aspect about the Aztecs was the way they maintained two calendars and considered thirteen a lucky number. We, in India also refer to a lunar and a solar calendar. However, in our case, both calendars have the same number of days.
    “There were two ongoing cycles of time. One was a solar calendar which consisted of eighteen months of twenty days, plus five blank or unnamed, frightening days at the end, for a total of 365 days. The other was a purely ceremonial calendar containing thirteen months of 20 days each, for a total of 260 days…The two cycles of time both returned to their starting point at the end of fifty-two solar years. Thus a bundle of fifty two years as they termed it was as important to them as a century is today. To name each year they tied it to the ceremonial calendar’s most important number: thirteen. The fifty two years were divided into four groupings of thirteen each, like this: One Reed, Two Flint-knife, Three House, Four Rabbit, Five Reed, Six Flint Knife…[..] Thirteen Reed, and then beginning again One Flint-knife.”
    In her book, it was the younger generation of the Aztecs who worked to preserve the ancient records when they were conquered by the Spanish. Is it the case today too? Is the young generation doing anything to preserve their culture? “Yes, the younger generation of the native Americans in United States of America (USA) is trying to preserve languages and to offer classes and do everything that they can to make sure that the future people still have some access to these ancient ways of knowing speaking and believing. Today many young people leave the reservations, get jobs in the cities and become activists and remind us all that they are still native Americans. But it is an uphill battle compared to situation in Latin America where people were not put in reservations and can speak in their language, if not follow their religion. The people in Mexico have established classes, community centres, radio programs and books to validate and get people excited about these traditions. However, the truth is that to get a good paying job in Mexico, you must learn Spanish and then possibly English. It will not pay you in a financial sense to become an expert in languages like Nahuatl (Na-wat). The scholars in United States have been thinking about it and trying to raise money about it. Though there have not been any grand successes yet but there are programs attempting to make a difference.”
    The book is filled not just with the real account of the events that transpired but also with fables and legends of the Aztecs that helped them to find their strength and fight battles that they would eventually lose. For the first time, Camilla Townsend could present a different story of a civilization that has long been misconstrued and misunderstood. However, one wonders if there are any other such long lost civilizations whose stories have just been misconstrued by their conquerors and they had no one to tell the truth?

    This article by Shailaza Singh  was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 11 April 2021.

  • No Pandemic Only Play

    The doors have opened. People refuse to be confined to their homes despite the much feared return of the pandemic and its horrors. Amidst the social distancing and face masks, audience at Ravindra Manch were more than ready to watch the new play ‘Rashmirathi’ and get spellbound by theatre once again!

    When I received the invite to Ram Dhari Singh Dinkar’s classic Hindi epic poem Rashmirathi which was being directed by Abhishek Mudgal, I was apprehensive yet excited. Like everyone else, I have been reading about the return of COVID and increasing in the number of cases. However, the chance was too good to miss. After a year of overdose of stay-at-home shows and movies on Netflix and other OTT platforms, I was craving for something different.
    When I reached Ravindra Manch, where the play was being held, I saw no crowds outside. This made me think that perhaps, the people weren’t ready to come out yet. The play had already started when I went in. I looked around expecting to see a nearly empty hall. However, almost all the seats were occupied! Everyone was staring raptly at the stage where the actors were performing. I sat down and looked at the gentleman sitting in the adjacent seat. He was so busy watching the performance that he did not even look up to acknowledge that a new person had sat next to him.
    I turned my attention to the stage where the actors where performing.
    In the current scene, Vasudev Krishna had come to Hastinapur as the ambassador of peace. After a while, the scene shifted to Karna’s conversation with Krishna who tells him that he is actually Kunti’s son and Pandavas’ eldest brother. Karna breaks down and tells Krishna that he cannot deceive his friend Duryodhana. Interestingly, there were no props on the stage. The male actors were bare chested and wore a simple dhoti while the female actors wore short white kurtas and dhotis.
    As Karna broke down and lamented his misfortune, the crowd was so moved that the hall resounded with the applause. Some even wiped the lone tear too! As I watched the play, I couldn’t help but sympathize with Karna, the man who was blessed by Gods but cursed by destiny. Whether it was sitting patiently despite the large insect gorging on his flesh so that his guru Parshuram could get the much-deserved rest or assuring Kunti, the mother who had abandoned him that he will not harm any of her sons except Arjun, Karna was a man who tried to do the right thing. However, the universe always conspired against him.
    The background music and acting ensured that the two hundred and fifty plus audience did not get up from their seats.
    Simple Impact
    Intrigued by the simple yet appealing presentation of the play, I quizzed Abhishek Mudgal. He said ‘This is a very long play which is divided into seven chapters. When I read it, I realized that if we clubbed it with costumes and sets, it would take the attention away from the very essence of the play which are dialogues and verse. So, we decided to keep the props symbolic and suggestive and I told the actors to concentrate on their dialogue delivery.
    Reception
    Abhishek was quite upbeat about the reception in Jaipur. ‘This was the fifth performance and we’ve had 100 plus people in all our other performances. The play will now be performed in places like Bikaner, Jodhpur and Allahabad.’
    Tryst with Rashmirathi
    Rashmirathi was not as popular and hence became the obvious choice. ‘I have done different kinds of plays, including absurd plays, folk plays etc. During the pandemic we experimented on various genres like folk theatre, absurd theatre and realism. I had not attempted classical theatre. Between Dharmavir Bharti’s Andhayug and Rashmirathi, the latter was a better choice because Andhayug has been performed a number of times.’
    Mahabharat’s Nepotism
    ‘The world today is no less different than what it was in the age of Mahabharat. Even today, if a person is talented and good at what he does but does not have the right level or contacts or caste or values, he does not find acceptance and struggles to make a place for himself. It takes time for any new actor despite his talent to actually find acceptance amongst the colleagues or audience. So, these things have been here since the era of Mahabharat. Karna was talented and according to some even better than Arjun. However, had it not been for Duryodhana, nobody would have recognized Karna for his talent. It was Duryodhana who elevated his status, made him a king and gave him a platform to showcase his talent to the world. Arjun could not kill Karna in an equal duel, so he killed him when he was trying to fix his chariot’s wheel. Karna was the reason why Duryodhana was prepared to fight the war because he depended on Karna’s prowess as a great warrior. We have always been told that the great war in Mahabharat was fought on Arjun’s merit. However, Dinkar’s book suggests that Karna was the reason why Duryodhana chose to fight in the first place.’
    Preparation
    ‘The first rehearsals began on 5 September 2020 and the first show was performed on 8 November. So, it took us two months to prepare for the first show. During the initial twenty days, we spent in learning the Hindi words and their meanings because the play is written in pure Hindi. We spent a lot of time learning the meaning of every word. After that we learnt the dialogues and started rehearsing. The first show lasted three hours. We edited it further and in the fifth show we could limit it to two hours. We still have to edit it further to make it crisper.’
    Discovering Hindi
    For Abhishek, reading Rashmirathi was like discovering a new universe of Hindi language. ‘This book made me realize the true depth of our literature and the kind of words that exist in our language. I wished I had read Rashmirathi earlier. While reading this play, I discovered so many new things about Hindi. I believe the younger generations should be exposed to these kinds of books and plays to truly understand the language. These days, we don’t even read many such masterpieces of Hindi literature that have been written by authors of the yore.’
    Language no bar
    Abhishek believes that the language does not matter when it comes to plays. ‘In my years as a play director, I have realized that language does not hinder anyone from watching theatre. When we were performing some of our Rajasthani, Hindi or Urdu plays in the southern states of India, I was surprised to see a large number of audiences turn up for even ticketed plays that were in Hindi or Urdu. It was that which made me realize that that as long as the audience understands the body language, moves, theme of the play, they enjoy the play even if they don’t understand the language. They don’t need any translation. I remember there was a Manipuri play which was performed in Jaipur. I along with more than 800 people had attended the show. We had not understood the language but could understand everything else that was going on in the play.’
    Pandemic plays
    The reception of Rashmirathi has buoyed his spirits. ‘Before the pandemic, most of my plays were being sold out. Now we have a lesser audience but I am glad that despite the pandemic scare people are still turning up to watch these plays. The truth is that we love live art because interacting with others, sharing thoughts and ideas is our very life blood. We as people cannot stay without it! So, yes we are slowly getting back and theater is coming back in a big way.’
    The play was potent and moving. Yet, more moving was the realization that people will now no longer let COVID govern their lives. Yes, there were masks, there was social distancing and amidst all this, the play happened! After a year of drought and remaining indoors, the hungry spectators feasted on it with their eyes with no holds barred.

    This article was published in Rashtradoot’s Arbit on 28 March 2021.

  • The Man and His Beliefs : Prasoon Joshi

    ‘Jaipur is a melting pot of art and culture. People here not only revere and love to explore their heritage but also are open to new music, ideas and concepts. The entire ecosystem of Jaipur which includes people and infrastructure along with the attitude of the business people here make it an ideal place for such events.’ –Prasoon Joshi

    It is generally said that business and art seldom mix. People often feel that those who are adept in business cannot be accomplished artists and vice-versa. However, Prasoon Joshi who is not just a marketing guru but also an award-winning lyricist, poet and screenwriter loves to defy conventions and enjoy all that comes his way. We caught up with the man who believes that there is nothing more important than life itself at the Jaipur Literature Festival.
    You are not just a marketing guru but also a lyricist, a poet and a screenwriter. How do you juggle so many hats at once?
    I believe that we should try to do justice to the life that has been given to us. I really admire people like Asha ji (Asha Bhosle) who have been able to balance family, raise children and yet have a successful career. I too strive for the same thing. I have my aged parents who live with me and I love taking care of them. I believe we need to first fulfil our responsibilities towards other people and then towards ourselves. So, if you have a dream, a talent or an ambition, go after it by all means but don’t forget your responsibilities and the people who love you or are dependent on you.
    These days a lot of people talk about battling inertia, stagnation? How does one counter that?
    I don’t understand these words. Where is inertia? Where is stagnation in life? The thing is we are looking at very narrow definition of the word engagement. People think engagement is just about work or projects. No, the truth is engagement is about life. You may not be doing well professionally but you can always find engagement in your personal life, with your family members, with the people you love. When I am not working, I love talking to my daughter, travelling with her, helping her to do her homework. Engagement can be anything. To me, engagement is collecting memories. My grandmother was a village woman who did not start her education till the age of 19. Then she studied and retired as the principal of a school. Look around you, life is thriving. There is no dearth of things to do. All you need to do is to broaden your perspective and listen to your heart.
    What about writer’s block? How do you deal with it?
    You just need to shift your focus to something else. Stop getting stuck in a place. Move on and it will pass with time.
    How do you get your ideas or inspiration?
    Ideas have a life of their own. They will come to you, provided you have the right intent and vibrations. If you are in the creative zone, sooner or later you will get great ideas!

    What do you say to yourself when you look at the mirror first thing in the morning?
    Actually, I don’t really look at the mirror except when I am stepping out of the house. I like to look at the stars, the sky, the flowers and the grass. Nature is the biggest motivator for me because as all know, I have spent my entire childhood in the lap of nature in Uttarakhand. So, whenever I need energy or inspiration, nature rejuvenates me, inspires me and makes me feel truly alive. My music is inspired from nature. I love pahadi music, the feelings and emotions it imbibes in the listener.


    Do you ever talk to yourself?
    I love talking to myself because I believe that is how I am able to sort myself out. In fact, I have quite a pronounced dialogue with myself. I penned down all the conversations that I have with myself in first book that I wrote Main aur Woh (Me and Myself). I think it is important to talk to yourself because that helps in sorting out your feelings and emotions and even get an inner connect. These days we are so busy talking and chatting on social media, mobiles and phones that we have forgotten to talk to ourselves. We are no longer in touch with our own feelings and emotions which is why the youth of today have such issues with relationships. If you do not have a relationship with yourself, how will you have a relationship with others?
    Music has travelled in time from gramophones to cell phones. What do you think is the next phase of music?
    The term music has become quite broad. What do you define as music? You have songs, then remixes, words without music (rap). Right now, the definition of music encompasses almost everything. Somehow, I feel the next phase of music will be utter chaos. I was telling Gulzar saab the other day that he and his generation of poets and song writers had more meaningful and beautiful words to choose from as compared to today’s world. Today, people are resorting to short forms, shrinking and mutilated words. Sometimes, I simply hate the kind of songs that are written today. Even with music too, we will probably not know what is music and what is not music. However, after this chaos, the audience will start rejecting the bad music and they will start searching for melody and rhythm again. Now that our planet is more or less a global village, the interaction of world cultures will also impact music to a large extent. You will get to hear more fusion music and amalgamations that will be in a class of their own. Moreover, festivals like these will increase since people will also crave for authentic and pure music, books and arts.


    What’s your favourite food?
    Food is a memory device. I love what my grandma used to make. It is called Churkani and it is made from black soyabean dal and rice. The taste and smell remind me of my home in Uttarakhand. However, I am not fussy about food. When I was a child, I was not given a choice about what I could eat or not eat. We ate whatever my mother cooked. She cooked seasonal vegetables and food which she felt would be nutritious for us. We were not allowed to waste food. My parents always told me to be grateful for food because there are many people who do not even get two square meals a day! I am not a foodie but I do like to try the local foods of the places I visit to understand the culture of the place.


    What is your favourite colour?
    I like all kinds of colours like green, blue, white and black. I am not very fussy about clothes. If I like something, like a shirt, I buy five. I don’t like thinking much about clothes and prefer if someone just gives me something to wear. I like many colours but when it comes to wearing clothes, I like black and darker colours because it allows me to look always dressed.
    What is your favourite day of the week?
    I love Mondays since I can go to work. I love working.


    What is your favourite destination?
    I love travelling but mountains will always remain my favourite destination.
    Why do you think Jaipur is becoming a focal point of most art and cultural activities whether it is music or literature?
    Jaipur is a place which provides an unbiased and non-judgemental platform which respects every artist. It is also a melting pot of art and culture. People here not only revere and love to explore their heritage but also are open to new music, books, ideas and concepts. The entire ecosystem of Jaipur which includes people and infrastructure along with the attitude of the business people here make it an ideal place for such events.

    This article was published in Rashtradoot’s Arbit on 21 February 2021.

    Shailaza Singh
    Published Author, Poet and Youtuber

  • Virtually Yours- Jaipur Literature Festival 2021

    Will the virtual version of Jaipur Literature Festival be able to enchant its audiences like its real counterpart? In this post pandemic era, will the readers be able to digest this literary reality?

    On my way to the Diggi Palace Hotel, scenes from the last year’s Jaipur Literature Festival flashed across my mind’s eye. People carrying books in their hands, their bags bulging with books. Hundreds of people queueing in front of the kiosks, eager to get their books signed by their favourite author. There were some who had positioned themselves next to their favourite spot for the next session and were patiently waiting for the next session to begin. Elsewhere, many die-hard foodies were sampling the exotic dishes that had been painstakingly prepared by the chefs of Diggi Palace Hotel. Some die-hard fans were deep in conversation with their favourite author over a cup of tea or coffee! The green of the lawns of the sprawling palace were hardly visible amidst the colourful tents that were erected and the audience that occupied those lawns for the author sessions and discussions.

    As I entered the gates of Diggi Palace, my reverie was broken by the cry of a peacock. I looked at the empty lawns and the peacocks who were walking across them as if they owned the place. And then the reality that I had refused to accept struck me! Jaipur Literature Festival would be an online affair in 2021. I walked to a corridor where Sanjoy K Roy, the managing director of Team Work Arts, the company which produces the festival was talking to a handful of people. They were waiting for B.D. Kalla, the art and culture minister, who was to officially inaugurate the Jaipur Literature Festival 2021 which is being held from 19 February 2021 to 28 February 2021. When I asked him for his views on the online change forced by COVID, he was quite upbeat about it, ‘Yes, this time people all over the world have registered for the festival. When the festival was held here, hardly any people from Germany could come. But now, we have so many people registering from different countries like Germany, Saudi Arabia and all across the world. The reach of the festival has become global in the true sense of the word.’

    I remembered the bygone times, where the tourists and the people living in Jaipur would plan to spend their entire day at the Diggi Palace Hotel. Once they entered the venue, the visitors did nothing else except listen to author sessions or explore the various delights the festival had to offer. Some of them would even get their durries to have impromptu picnics in a corner of one of these lawns. Would the online version be able to captivate the audience in the same way? Would this online audience have as much dedication and staying power as the audience in the physical version of the festival?

    ‘We do hope it would,’ said Sanjoy K Roy. ‘To engage our virtual audience, we have curated a great line up of authors and speakers who would talk about a variety of topics ranging from books, nationalism, pandemic and more. This time, instead of having multiple sessions at the same time (in the physical versions, there were different sessions conducted by different authors in four different venues at any one given time), we will only have two sessions at the same time, so that the people don’t have to worry about missing out these sessions.’ Going forward, once the physical version of the festival is restored, will they still continue with the online version too or is it just for this time? ‘Definitely,’ said Sanjoy K Roy, ‘the online version will now be an integral part of JLF since it has definitely helped us to expand our reach and increase our audience across the globe.’

    But would the viewers spend their entire time listening to the sessions as raptly as they did in the physical version? Sanjoy K Roy shrugged his shoulders, ‘May be not the entire time but from our experience during the pandemic time, I can say that the average viewing time was about 18 minutes per viewer which is more than the average of 7 to 8 minutes on OTT platforms. Moreover, while we could only accommodate a maximum of 15,000 people in the front lawn in the physical version of the festival, in the digital version we have received an average of 32,000 views per session, which is way higher.’

    Our conversation was interrupted by the entry B.D. Kalla, minster for Art and Culture, Rajasthan who had come to virtually inaugurate the festival. I watched as Sanjoy K Roy greeted the minister and then took him to light the lamp to signal the commencement of the festival. One could actually see the effect that the pandemic has had on the world as people wondered whether to light the lamp with or without wearing the masks. Ultimately, they decided to film both the versions and take the decision later. Last year, there was a crowd present to witness this inauguration, this year there were only peacocks and a handful of people.

    When he was done with the ceremony, I asked Sanjoy K Roy about the controversy surrounding the venue of the festival- Diggi Palace Hotel. Weren’t there articles and rumours about Diggi Palace Hotel no longer being the venue of JLF? And if that was the case, what was the future of JLF in 2022? ‘As of now, I am glad that thanks to the pandemic, the venue has not changed and I hope that will remain the case in the next year.’ What if the venue is changed? Where would the festival be held? ‘It is too early to comment on this but yes one thing is for sure that JLF will not go out of Jaipur.’

    During the 13 years of its physical presence in Jaipur, JLF was not just an event that people looked forward to. It had become an important source of tourism and income for hotels, tourist guides, autos, busses and many street vendors who waited for the festival to earn their yearly income. The festival may have survived by donning an online avatar, but what would those people do this year? Sanjoy K Roy smiled sadly, ‘What can I say? It has been the case everywhere. The pandemic has impacted every one including us. Just this morning as I was coming here, I met the guy who used to sell his wares outside the palace during the festival. He told me how difficult it was for him and his family to survive this year since there would be no tourists or festival to sell his wares. We are hoping that we are back to business as usual in 2022 so that people are able to compensate for their losses.’

    Ever since the onset of the pandemic, the world has been reeling with the deluge of online conferences, webinars, meetings and all sorts of virtual events. Many employees swear by their power naps and zoning off techniques to cope with the online information overload. It is indeed a challenge to sit glued to one’s chair and listen to the ever-droning colleagues and bosses without switching off.  Students all over the world have been earnestly hoping that they are able to physically attend their schools since online classes no longer hold their interest.  Some studies have suggested that it is difficult for human beings to concentrate on online events for an extended span of time. Moreover, most celebrities, authors and other speakers have their own channels in Instagram, Facebook and YouTube where they keep talking to their followers about their books, achievements and activities frequently.

    In such a scenario, will an event like the Jaipur Literature Festival be able to hold the attention of the netizens? In the real world, the authors sessions were punctuated by coffee breaks, question- answer sessions, a visit to the book store, author signings and interactions and many more such activities which cannot be replicated even in the most technologically advanced version of the online festival. The question is even if the festival has been created using the most curated list of authors and advanced technology, will it be able to satisfy the audience’s need for a face-to-face conversation with their favourite author or smelling the pages of a brand-new book in the book shop or getting it autographed by its author? Will this virtual version be able to replicate those moments and experiences? Will the audience learn to love this version as it loved the physical festival? Maybe or maybe not! Only the people and time will tell.

    This article by Shailaza Singh was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 17 February 2021.

  • An Open Letter to 2020

    Dear 2020,

    When I first met you, I thought you were just another year in my life. I remember I was walking on the beach at the Kerala Literature Festival 2020 and thinking about how boring and mundane my life has become..

    But things soon changed. The lockdown forced me to stay at home and introspect. I started blogging again. As a single mother, you made me realize that relationships are very important and gave me time to nurture them with attention.

    I understood that time was a gift and used it to read more, learn more and do more. I understood the power of not doing anything, the meaning of contemplation and the true creative force of inertia.

    To me, my job was my world. I was one person who would dedicate everything to her projects and targets. You made me realize that whatever I may do, despite all the hardwork, the job was just a part of me and not my entire world.

    You made me realize the power of technology. I started attending meetings and even teaching people conversational English on my phone. Whether it was about shopping, working, reading or writing, I could do anything with my phone and computer.

    You made me realize the importance of home made remedies for cold, cough and many other things. The spices that we take for granted, the herbs we completely ignore became life savers and a shield against the dreaded virus. You helped me to realize that I am my own best friend and spending time alone was not a bad thing. You also taught me to look after my own health.

    I learnt that savings are a life saver. Most of us have been able to tide over this time because we saved.

    There is so much more I have got to thank you for. But for now, this will suffice. Thank you for making me a wiser, more experienced person. Thank you for all the hardships and lessons!

    Yours Gratefully,

    Shailaza Singh

    #happynewyear #2021 #COVID