Recently I saw a video where a woman was talking about how the value of a woman is perceived by how much she gives in her various relationships. People consider her a good woman if she is a good daughter or mother or sister or wife. There is no value attached to her relationship with her own self. If she places a premium on her life, her time or her ambitions, she is termed as selfish or self centred or self obsessed.

My brother came to visit us. My brother is a single guy who lives alone with his pet dogs. For him, the world is all about I, me, myself. It is his dogs, his life, his time, his pain. When he came to my house with his three dogs, he asked my daughter to take care of them while he relaxed around or. His dogs have a habit of pooping every now and then and it was my daughter’s job to clean the poop up.

For sometime, she did it but then she grew tired of it and refused. When my brother complained to my mother,my mom rang me up and said that I am not giving the right values to my child. I told her that my daughter was tired of picking up the poop but she insisted that my daughter should not be so ‘selfish’ and take care of her uncle’s dogs. When I protested, she warned me about the consequences of raising a selfish child and how she would not take care of me when I grow older. Interestingly when I go to my brother’s house, there too I am supposed to take care of everything…no reprieve. If I protest, my mother resorts to emotional blackmail. If I express my angst or displeasure in doing something, my family starts saying that I am not grateful for whatever they have done for me. For women love is all about a favour that people bestow on them..but for men love is their right no matter who they are?

Why is it that as a woman I am supposed to give in everytime? I am supposed to understand but not be understood? I am supposed to stand up for everyone but no one to stand up for me and if I stand up for myself then I am reminded of all the ‘favours’ that people have done for me and how I am such an ungrateful person? No one remembers the times I stood up for them or the things that I did for them? I am told to be quiet but they can speak?

#relationships #toxicrelationships #women