Some old clothes are not to throw away, Some old clothes you should try again one day. To see how much you’ve changed. Some old clothes when you wear again To see the weight loss or gain Some old clothes you wear to remember who you are No matter how cloudy the night, you are still what you once were- a beautiful star. People say you shouldn’t dwell in the past, ‘Cause the days never last. Yes tis’ true that you should keep moving ahead because life is always about the new, But some old clothes help you in making friends with the old ‘you’ Not that you shouldn’t throw away the old.. But some old clothes that show you who you really are or how far you’ve come are just pure gold. – Shailaza Singh
There is nothing to do, There is no where to go. There is nothing to learn, There is nothing to know. In the nothingness of this hollow , empty space, There flows an unfiltered grace. Breathing steadily to a note of a strumming guitar. Is this bliss? No one knows where or who we are. The journey of a lifetime, Amidst a silence that comforts. A breathing balm that heals all the hurts. Pearls meet the thread, And a new necklace appears out of the blue, I am no longer the old me, I am someone new. – Shailaza Singh
What is common between a panipuri stall and an electronic soap dispenser? No one would ever ask you such a question! In fact, many would tell you with disdain that it is a stupid question, duh! After all, what could be common between an electronic soap dispenser and pani puri? Perhaps an entrepreneur?
What is spicy, tangy, sweet and sour at the same time? What is lip smacking, thoroughly affordable and totally delectable guaranteed to make your mouth water and taste bud rejoice? What was it that Japanese Prime Minister tried popping into his mouth with such gusto in the presence of our own Prime Minister? Golgappa ofcourse! Also known as pani puri, batasha, puchka, gupchup, this Indian masala concoction with a tangy chutney and yummy masala has achieved world wide fame. In most cities in India, walk out in the evening and you are bound to spot men, women and girls and boys queueing up at the golgappa thela for their daily kick of the savoury water balls.
But many people are also turned off by the way the golgappa is prepared. The vendor usually punctures the puri or the golgappa with his thumb and dips it into the savoury or sweet water and serves it to his customer. One cannot help but wonder how clean is this entire process because the vendor keeps dipping his hand into the savoury water and hardly gets the time to wash his hands again and again.
Voresh Seervi and Uttam Seervi also didn’t like this idea of eating such a golgappa. Uttam says, “We loved panipuri and dahi puri but we could not stand the sight of the golgappa wala bhaiya dipping his hand repeatedly into the water and serving us the same water.” These two twenty-year-old lads from Pali weren’t just here to criticise the entire golgappa system. They were here to change it.
Uttam says, “ We are cousins. Our brothers work in jewellery shops in Chennai while our parents are farmers. We both finished our graduation in science and arts last year. After our graduation, we got into network marketing . We used to attend a lot of meetings and seminars of network marketing in various hotels. We used to see these soap dispensers in this hotel which would be activated by sensors. The person would just place their hands under the dispenser and the soap would come on to their hands. It was then that a germ of an idea started forming in our mind.”
Voresh adds, “We kept thinking about this idea of a machine that could dispense this water without anyone touching the water and yet enjoying panupuri. We then got in touch with some people in Chennai who could make these kinds of machines. We wanted to ensure hygiene in this entire experience. Finally, we could create machines with inbuilt sensors that could dispense the water when a dona or katori was placed beneath the tap just like a soap dispenser.
Armed with their innovative idea, these two youngsters set up a thela near the chitrakoot market. They offered five types of water (sweet, sour, hing, jeera, mirchi) along with the puris. The customers could simply place their dona under the dispenser of their choice and could have their favourite water!
But it wasn’t as easy as that! Voresh recalls their first day, “It was in July 2022. I was setting up the stall. I saw a Punjabi lady of about 70+ years old who was wearing a mask. She asked me if it was our opening day. We had no ceremony of any kind but she understood. She said that she wanted to get dahi puri packed for her husband. I was literally shivering in my boots since here we were, first timers and the first order we get was a takeaway. This was the first time we would pack an order. When I was making the dahi puri, midway, just like it happens in a tough exam, I forgot the recipe. I then opened my diary to look up the recipe and somehow made it and packed it. She took it and went off. We were hoping and praying that she and her husband like it. The next day, we saw her walking towards our stall and we were scared that she might say something. She came and she said that the dahi puri was amazing and her husband loved it. She ordered another take away and gave us a lot of blessings. That really bolstered our confidence. She has now become our regular customer and keeps coming every now and then.”
But then all wasn’t so hunky dory with these young entrepreneurs. Uttam says, “ A couple of days after we had set up the shop, a family of 7 came to us at 10 pm and ordered 7 plates and paid for them. But the moment the lady ate the first pani puri, she threw the plate on the ground and exclaimed that she had never had such atrocious pani puri in front of the whole crowd! We were shocked and scared because we were new in the trade and we thought probably this time the recipe had gone wrong. We apologized and even offered to refund the money but they went away. As time passed and we improved our food’s taste, they came back again and now they are our regular customers.”
Voresh adds, “It was a good thing that this happened in the early stages because it helped us to improve our taste. Now people love the panipuri and some even come to simply drink the hing, jeera water to improve their digestion.
It has been barely an year since they have set up the shop but they are already planning to take their ‘puchka’ forward. We have already opened a new outlet in Mansarovar and now we are working on creating a pan India franchise model where we can help people to set up this business.
So, what kind of people come to their panipuri thela? Voresh says, “ The thing about panipuri is that it is a great leveller. In the evening on one hand you will see a guy getting out of his Mercedes and on the other hand you will see a poor man tired from his day’s work, walking on the road. Both these men will stand together at the golgappa thela without any thought of who is what. Now we have some very regular customers. There is this family of four which comes every other day and each time once they are done with their puchka party and payment, they buy icecreams for both of us from the nearby stall as gifts. They never take no for an answer.”
Do they ever get harassed by the authorities? “ Initially, we had a lot of issues, “says Uttam. “People complained that we were parking our thela in the roadside area. But the authorities then came and inspected and realized that our thela wasn’t in the parking or obstructing the road any way. Voresh adds, “But many a times, policemen also come to our stall. Though most of them pay but there are some who take advantage of their uniform and just refuse to pay even a measly sum of 20 rupees. It makes us feel sad about our law and order system.”
So what is their routine like? Uttam says, “ We start preparing the panipuri from about 12 pm in the morning. By 3 pm we set up the stall and stay there till 11 pm in the night!”
For now, Voresh and Uttam are happy. Do their parents know about their little venture? Uttam laughs, “ Earlier we didn’t tell them because we are Marwaris and we were always expected to take up a government job,” says Uttam. “Mostly the boys in our community are married early. But then when this business started flourishing, the family appreciated our business acumen and encouraged us. Today we are earning more than any government job employee but my mother still keeps asking me about taking up a government job because she believes that getting a panipuri wala married is not easy!” Voresh adds, “Ab paisa kamana hai to puchka to fodna padega na!”
This article by Shailaza Singh appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on September 26th, 2023
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Yuvraj’s life reminds one of a dialog by Ranbir Kapoor in the movie ‘Ye Jawani Hai Diwani’. He says ‘ Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon. Bus rukna nahin chahta.’ (I want to fly, I want to run, I want to even fall but I don’t want to stop.) Yuvraj is living these lines! Most of us can just dream about them!
‘You’ve has travelled across the world, lived in different cities and experienced different people and cuisines. So, do you have a favourite destination?’
After a thoughtful pause Yuvraj says, ‘In 2017, I received a mail that I had to join a ship sailing to Havana and Bahamas. Bahamas wasn’t that exciting but I loved Havana. I love the book ‘Motorcycle Diaries’ by Che Guevara which is completely set in Havana. So, I was quite excited and wanted to take bike and travel all over the place.’
Havana Diaries
‘When we docked in Havana, my boss gave me my passport and told me to take a day off and explore Havana. From that time on, every week, the ship used to dock for two nights in Havana and I used to get a 24-hour holiday to roam around in Havana. So, on my very first day, I walked about the streets. I found people painting their garages. It is almost like a movie scene. In every three homes, you will see at least one artist painting their garage or wall. You can easily chat with them and even ask them for coffee. They would then invite me inside their homes for coffee and we would talk about anything and everything. At the same time, there were people who were looking for materialistic things because Cuba and USA have never been on good terms when it comes to politics but Cubans love American stuff. At that time, cruise ships mostly sailed from USA. So, I used to take bicycle (we have bicycles in every cruise ship) to travel in Havana. I had my offline maps and google translator. I avoided touristy places and used to go to places where local people used to hang out. I used to stop and talk to random people. Sometimes, some people would try to sell me drugs (Havana is known as a sin city). I have met people who would come to Havana from Miami in the morning, have fun (drugs etc) and catch the evening flight back to Miami. You cannot even leave a bicycle parked anywhere there because that also can be stolen. So, even if I had to visit someone on the thirteenth floor, I had to take the cycle with me in the elevator or even if there are stairs. The thing is Havana is a communist country, so though everyone has a house and job but still that was not enough for them. So, they try to make more from tourists and travellers. At the time (2017), they had two different currencies; one for the locals (cheaper) and one for the tourists (more expensive). At times, random people would approach me and tell me that they liked my purse or my goggles and ask me if I would like to sell them. I would refuse. Sometimes, they would even offer trade-offs. For example, one person wanted to trade his denim (jeans) with mine and another person wanted to trade his shoes with mine. I didn’t trade the denim but I traded the shoes since my shoes were old. But the barter wasn’t fruitful. The shoes I got in return weren’t good so I had to buy a new pair for myself.’
Inside Outside
‘Once I wanted to see a Cuban house from the inside because from the outside, they are very colourful and look like palaces. Even the cars are quite colourful, even though they are usually old models and kind of vintage. When you walk inside most houses, they aren’t that colourful or well lit. Some houses are quite beautiful from the inside too. The thing about communism is that though they harp about equality, it was in Havana that I realised that inequalities exist even in a communist society. Some people have so much of money and the others have so little. No wonder they are so fond of materialistic things. I also realized that people don’t get good internet in Havana, they have one or two government television channels and don’t even have good phone plans. Even for internet, you had to go to a park, a common place where you would see a lot of people sitting with their phones and browsing the net. To my utter surprise, the people in Havana love Indian movies and the channels telecast Bollywood movies (with subtitles of course) at least once a week.’
‘As a part of my job, I also used to visit the art galleries in Havana. I had made good friends with this couple because the lady was working in the art gallery. I don’t remember what her husband did. They had a ten-year-old daughter at the time. Every time, I used to visit Havana, I always made it a point to stop at their place and chat with them. We became such great friends that they would place calls for me or get things or talk to the people for me and help them understand what I wanted. We take phones for granted in India, however in Havana, the phones are also very expensive. To place even a local call, you had to go via information exchange where you give them the number and they will connect it for you! Everything is monitored.’
Retro Metro
‘After Havana, I went to New York. That was also a very different experience. It is so full of people, with coffee shops and tea shops everywhere. You will find fantastic food from all over the world. I don’t remember how many kinds of the foods I tried. The metro experience in New York was something else. I remember standing in a compartment when all of a sudden there was a group of people which walked in from the other compartment and started performing. They collect money from everyone. These guys were so talented, the way they bend their bodies or make music from buckets. It exactly sounds as if you are listening to music with your headphones on. Nothing like what we have in Indian trains!’
Mafia stories
‘Have you ever encountered anyone from mafia during your sojourns’?
‘Once when I was in New Orleans, I ended up in a small art gallery in a mall and started talking to a very cool guy. We had a very interesting conversation where in he wanted to exhibit my photography works from Havana and some of my nude photography works in his art gallery and wanted to sell them. But his gallery wasn’t very big, it was for middle class people who were looking to decorate their homes. But it was interesting nevertheless. After a point, we started talking about the travel and visa processes because I needed someone to invite me to the States. He looked at me and said, ‘I am not the right guy because I was in jail for years.’ Though that partnership did not materialize, today he is running a successful art gallery and we are still friends!
Did he experience any mugging? Luckily, I didn’t. I remember once I was standing on the Brooklyn Bridge and I could feel the vibe of the place. Lots of graffiti, low light, a very sad kind of an atmosphere. I simply got out of there.’
Beating in the beach
‘Did you have any scary experiences during your travels? Yuvraj smiles and nods. ‘Ah, I remember this one experience which scared the living daylights out of me! Once, when I was in Arambol, Goa, I went out for a late-night dinner. After the dinner, I walked along the beach and saw a drama circle (a group of people performing). It is quite a common sight there. I saw a guy who was high on drugs. He was chasing people and hitting people. From a distance, it looked like fun. I suddenly realized that someone was chasing me. He managed to kick me and I fell down. I immediately got up and ran and sat in the middle of the circle. Everyone in that circle was scared but they couldn’t do anything since the guy was high on drugs. Once he started hitting everyone, we started running in different directions. Only I know how I escaped from there!’
Travel bug infects
‘So, do your parents still tell you to get settled?’ ‘No,’ laughs Yuvraj. ‘Now they have also been bitten by the travel bug. Earlier their trips were just restricted to all the holy temples. Last year for the first time they travelled to Andaman Islands. I sponsored the trip. This time my brother and me are sponsoring their trip to Singapore and Malaysia! I am also going back to my old job as an art dealer. I will be flying to the States soon!’
All photographs by Yuvraj Parasuraman
Copyright reserved
This article by Shailaza Singh recently appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section.
He is tall. He is dark. He is handsome. Your typical Mills and Boons brooding hero. Only that he isn’t looking for the happily ever after. In fact, he runs in the opposite direction if he meets someone loaded with the ‘happily ever after’. Meet Yuvraj Parasuraman who is a gypsy at heart. He looks at the world through the lens of his camera. He has been bitten hard by wanderlust and he isn’t complaining. He roams the world, clicking everything that he finds and he says he still has miles to go before he sleeps and I met him in Dharamsala, commonly known as His Holiness Dalai Lama’s abode.
Yuvraj Parasuraman is a self-confessed travel addict. This photographer has roamed the world, seen places and yet he says at 34 ‘his journey has just begun’. I met Yuvraj for the first time in a charcoal drawing workshop in Dharamkot, a quiet suburb of Dharamsala. My daughter and I were sitting in the class of about 10 people when I noticed this tall, dark man working away on his drawing. There was something about him that caught my attention. Perhaps he was too focussed on creating the light in his drawing. When the instructor Rohit Kishan called for a break, he went out and stood gazing at the hilly forest of deodars. Though he was approachable and we were chit chatting in an instant, it took time for this introvert to open up. However, when he narrated his story, the conversation was as intriguing as the man himself.
Creating light
‘Why would a photographer enrol in a charcoal sketching class?’ I asked him. ‘I wanted to learn more about light and charcoal sketching is the best way to understand light. The way you create an entire image with just charcoal and light is fascinating!’
‘When did you decide to become a photographer?’
‘I was 15 years old when I tuned into Fashion TV for the first time. My parents were busy elsewhere. I was watching the making of the Pirelli Calendar 2004 and had an eye on the door because I knew my mom could walk in anytime. I was mesmerized by not just the bevy of beautiful women in that frame but also the way they were playing with the light, colours and the movements. I think it was love at first sight! I was fascinated by the way photography could capture all of life’s interesting stories!’
‘So, when did the travel bug bite you?’
‘After studying visual communication in Madras Christian College, I started working in advertising where I would assist renowned photographers. Though the pay was good and the work was interesting, I felt restless because I wanted to travel.’
‘But aren’t there outdoor shoots in advertising?’
‘There are but those are few and far between. Besides you hardly get to see the places when you go for these shoots. You just focus on the shoots, stay in the hotel and then come back. That was not what I was looking for.’
Travel Bug Bites
‘You say you love travelling. When did you first experience the magic of travel?’
‘When I was working in the field of advertising, I used to take these holidays and backpack to different places. The first place I went to was the Sun Festival in Goa. I was just eighteen years old at that time. One day in Goa, I was having my cup of tea on beach and watching the ocean. During that time, I realized that my life in the city is too boring and maybe I should do something else. I started going there every year and slowly Goa became my home.’
‘So, have you settled in Goa?’
‘No, I don’t settle anywhere. I keep travelling. Every year, I stay a month or two in Goa. I don’t really have a base anywhere.’ Not even his parent’s place in Chennai? ‘I visit Chennai off and on because my parents, brother and my friends live there. I don’t stay in Chennai for more than a month though my parents want me to stay in Chennai and take up a more settled kind of job. Since the last ten years, they have been trying to come up with a plan to get me married but I know for sure that it’s not happening. I keep telling them that I am not interested but when they really force me, I run away from Chennai too!’
Run for life
‘So, do you not want to get married at all ever?’
Yuvraj smiles. ‘No, it is not like that. I was contemplating the idea of marriage some years ago. I was in a relationship with a Chinese girl who was working on the same ship. Whenever, our ship used to dock in a country, we used to go out. Over a period of four months, I had developed a fondness for her and was even toying with the idea of marrying her and going to China. I got transferred to another ship but we used to keep meeting. Sometimes, we would go to lunch in Miami or just have a casual date. I used to call her from my ship. Once during the marriage planning phase, I happened to casually ask her if she would be okay if I was to go for a solo trip for a month once a year after marriage because I have to travel solo at least once a year. That is who I am! But she refused point blank. She told me that I couldn’t go on a solo trip because she would be with me all the time! That did it! I slowly distanced myself from her and perhaps she also understood!’
Cruising the world
For most of his professional life, Yuvraj has been working in cruise ships that travel all over the world and fuel his ‘banjarapan’. ‘I was an art dealer who used to work for a company called the Park West Gallery. This museum in Michigan was started by a former NASA scientist (mechanical engineer) Albert Scaglione in 1969. The idea was to collect works of all contemporary artists from across the world. He founded this company and started collecting art works from his friends. He collected all kinds of works of not just great artists but also the upcoming ones and masters. He started doing auctions on cruise ships for these works. Now, we have a museum in Michigan and three other galleries, in Hawaii, New York, Las Vegas.’
Ship race
‘Interesting! From backpacking to cruise ships. How different is the experience?’
‘It is fantastic! I love roaming the world and I have a job where I wake up in a new city or country almost every day. Cruise life is completely different. It’s not like a backpacker’s life. It is more of a contract wherein you work in one or two or three cruise ships. Once I worked in three cruise ships in a period of just six months. My company can post me to any of their cruise lines. So, someday, I may be on a Carnival Cruise Line, the other day I would be on Royal Caribbean or any other such cruise lines. I have been all over the Caribbean but mostly I have spent just a few hours or a day in cities or countries. The ship docks in a city. We spend the day; we go out and have lunch or drinks and come back. We live on a cruise ship for about six to eight months. Once in Columbia, we went out with some guests and friends to have a good time since there weren’t any interesting restaurants near the place where we had docked. We found a place which was quite far off which was amazing. After some hours, I realized that we needed to get back to the ship else we may miss it! Some of my friends were busy enjoying themselves and did not want to go. However, after a lot of cajoling and convincing (everyone was high on drinks), we got into a taxi. As luck would have it, the taxi driver did not speak English, he spoke Spanish. So, when we tried to tell him to speed up the car, he couldn’t understand. I used the Google translator to help him understand (I always use a google translator). We finally reached the port. On a ship, different protocols are followed for guests and crew members. While no one says anything to the guests, we (the crew members) were warned for being late. The ship waits for no one, not even the guests. If the guests miss their ships and then they have to fly back to their home country.’
To be continued
All photographs by Yuvraj Parasuraman
Copyright reserved
This article by Shailaza Singh recently appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section
A decade ago, after my husband passed away, my parents asked me to come to Jaipur with my young daughter. Their reasoning was simple. As compared to Gurgaon or Delhi or other cities of India, Jaipur is relatively a safe city. I protested that it was a very laid back and a slow paced city but they argued that it was at least safe. Today, in 2023, I wonder if they are still right.
Sometime in the last year, a vagrant opened our gates, walked inside and plucked the water meter and walked off. All this was recorded on the camera. I filed a police complaint, shared the recording with the officer in charge, hoping that he would catch the thief but till today there has been no news of the miscreant. In fact, sometime back in a video recording, I saw him crossing our house and he was almost going to walk inside had some one from the building not stepped out!
Recently, a bike got stolen from our neighboring house. Again, the whole incident was recorded on the camera. But to no avail. Two days earlier, some miscreants stole petrol from a neighbor’s motorbike. These incidents make me wonder if Jaipur is still a safe city. As you go around the city, you see posters of a smiling chief minister which proclaim the ‘achievements’ by his government. If those were to be believed, one would think we were living in Utopia. Proclamations of free meals, free education, free facilities and every thing else. If everything is free, why are people stealing? Why are there so many thefts? Any answers?
I have often been told that life teaches you lessons. If you don’t learn the lesson or take the easy way out, the lesson becomes more and more difficult. Each time, you get a more difficult lesson, a more difficult circumstance and you need to stand your ground to ace it.
All of us have had to face some or the other threats in our lives. These threats can be physical, or mental or emotional or psychological. Parents face emotional threats from their children, the people of the world threaten us in so many ways. Every time, the threat is about doing the right thing, walking the right path. And each time, it is about standing your ground in the face of the storm!!
She has seen and survived abuse. But Nilanjana Bhowmick refuses to believe that women are lesser than men in any way. In her search for the truth, she has dispelled all the lies that the women were told by their own mothers about how pleasing and serving their husbands and taking care of their children is the only aim of their lives.
Her mother was a detective police officer. Her father was a businessman. Every month, her mother would hand over her salary to her father who would then give her mother a monthly allowance. Every time he did not like the vegetable or dal that her mother or her grandmother cooked, her father would throw the utensils in a fit of anger. The witness to this exercise were the permanent stains of the dal borne by her living room’s walls. Though her mother was a detective police officer (one would think that she knew the law and people would be scared of her), she was constantly abused by her father. He did not want her to continue her job and for her mother, job was the only outlet she had, so she refused to give it up. Her father did not let her mother have friends or invite her colleagues home and constantly suspected her of having affairs with her colleagues.
Nilanjana Bhowmick’s Story in Time Magazine
These are not words out of a novel or a story. This is the life story of Nilanjana Bhowmick, an independent award-wining journalist from New Delhi and the author of Lies Our Mothers Told Us. Nilanjana has worked with a variety of well known media publications for the last two decades including BBC and the TIME Magazine. She was awarded by the European Commission and the Institute of Development Studies (IDS) in the UK for her work on gender and social justice and has been featured in the 2019 Women of Impact issue of the National Geographic Magazine. Her book Lies Our Mothers Told Us talks about the gender equalities inside India’s middle class.
Nilanjana Bhowmick with her husband Tathagata on their wedding day
ESCAPING PATRIARCHY Meeting Nilanjana Bhowmick at the Jaipur Literature Festival 2023 is a revelation of sorts into the human nature. It is difficult to believe that behind that candid demeanour and full-blown laughter lies a childhood of abuse and love. The interesting bit is that she could have escaped all that when she landed a gig with BBC. Yet she chose to come back to India. The conversation that ensued was quite riveting. When one asked her why she chose to come back to India, she said, ‘I had to come back to India as I believed that my true calling lay here. I know in a developed country there is security, there is money but I wasn’t happy in my work. I felt a lack of challenge. I came back to India in 2002-03 and I joined The Times of India Newspaper because I wanted to learn print journalism and my first assignment was to write about an old age home, which was being run by some minister. So, I went and met these old people living there. Most of their children were living abroad. Physically they seemed okay but I was struck by how lonely they all were. All their children were doing well in life but the parents had nothing to look forward too. When I came back home, I couldn’t sleep for three nights. I kept crying and I couldn’t forget the emptiness that I saw in their eyes. My mother who has herself been a cop said that as a journalist I couldn’t be that empathetic with my subjects otherwise I won’t be able to work. Over the years, I realized the wisdom of her words. It did take time to develop a thick skin but despite that I still get affected by the people I talk to. My therapist says this is because I am an empath or a person who tends to be acutely perceptive of the feelings or emotions of other people.’ What inspired her to write Lies Our Mothers Told Us? ‘Apart from my mother, I have seen a number of women being subjected to these kind of abuses and neglect. But most of them glorify it. Some of these women feel ‘lucky’ that they were ‘allowed’ to go outside and work so they show their gratitude by working hard inside and outside the house. For Indian parents, marriage is the be-all and end-all of their lives. They bring up their daughters to think that if they don’t get married at the right age, their lives aren’t great. Secondly, a lot of women want to get married because they want to escape patriarchy at home. Most women are always told that they are ‘paraya dhan’ and they can only live their lives the way they want only once they get married. For them, their ultimate aim of life is to get married. Some of them feel lucky enough to find someone who accepts them and loves them for who they are (at least in the courtship period) . But some are not so lucky and get boyfriends who mistreat them but still they get married to such abusive boyfriends just to escape the patriarchy of their fathers or brothers.’ But don’t you think Indian women have progressed a great deal in the past few decades? ‘Yes, to an extent that is true. But even today, most parents and even relatives feel that the only job of parents is to marry off their daughter at the right age. I remember when I had first got a chance to study abroad, my mom was very proud. My aunts had come over and were trying to dissuade my mother from sending me since they felt that sending me abroad won’t do me any good since ultimately my place is in the kitchen of my husband!’ But then is thinking about marriage wrong? ‘No, but don’t make that the ultimate aim of your daughter’s life! Educate her, let her explore the world. Don’t start saving for your daughter’s marriage. I had a friend whose mother used to gift my friend’s daughter some gold ornament on every birthday, so that she could build a substantial dowry for her.’
Nilanjana Bhowmick with her son Che
A BURDEN OR BOJH Most parents would say that it is the societal norms that compel them to marry off their daughters. A single girl in the family is looked down upon. ‘Yes I know but then the change has to come from the parents themselves. If you see in most families, it is the mothers who start worrying about their daughters’ marriages. The change will only come when the mothers will stop thinking that the marriage is the end all of the world and will start instilling confidence and a sense of belonging in their daughters instead of making them feel as if they are an unwanted burden or just a guest in her own house. I think we should normalize ‘being single’ for women.’ But there are people who say that we consider our daughters like our sons. Statements like ye hamari beti nahin beta hai are quite common. Many parents have encouraged their daughters to work and live an independent life. ‘Some people do tell me that they are very ‘progressive in their thinking’ and they treat their daughters like ‘sons’. But what they don’t realize is the amount of mental trauma that they put on their daughters by labelling them as ‘sons’. A daughter looking after her parents should be treated as a daughter, not as a son. Just imagine, what kind of a mental trauma does a girl go through- when she cannot do anything for the parents, she is labelled as a burden or bhoj. When she does something, she is called a son and not a daughter. In a way, she is not acknowledged as a daughter no matter what she does. Don’t you think that is unfair? As far as the women who achieve are concerned, I feel they are still in silos. Those who achieve something are mostly thought of as those who are intellectually better off, more privileged. Yes, there are women who are educated working professionals. But do you see the kind of pressure they have to bear? They are not just expected to take care of their job, earn money for the family but also take care of the children, attend the parent teacher meetings, make the children do the homework, take care of the home. Most of them are ‘allowed’ to work only if they promise not to burden their husband or in-laws with any of their ‘household’ responsibilities.’
Receiving the award for best story from Asia-Pacific at the Diageo Women Empowerment Awards in 2014
ACHIEVING EQUALITY
Have you faced any discrimination at work? ‘Yes! All my life I have faced discrimination. When I had first come to India after my stint at BBC and joined the Times of India, I didn’t know what salary was norm, so I took whatever salary they offered me since I wanted a footing in this field. After three months, a new guy (who is now my husband) joined at the same level as me and I came to know that his salary was fifty percent more than mine. I went to the HR and inquired but they said that I should have brought this up when I had joined and they made it very clear to me that if I am not happy, I could leave. Women have always been dispensable part of the workforce. My mom was also of the opinion that I was lucky enough to get the job and I should just do the job and not get into these salary discussions because she felt that if I lost my job, I would have to be dependent on some body. In my life, I have been pushed out of every newsroom that I have worked in because I tend to speak my mind and the ‘boys’ clubs in most organizations didn’t like that. I make no bones about the fact that I am ambitious, a go getter with new ideas, I have been open about my ideas and that has not gone well with most people. So, eventually, I have been a freelancer for most of my life.’ Looking at the current scenario, don’t you think achieving equality for women is quite a tall order? ‘ I think we can achieve this. Just look at the progress that has been made. My husband is a man who says ‘why not’ instead of ‘why’ whenever I want to do something new in my personal or professional life. Men like these also exist. Earlier women weren’t allowed to vote, today they vote, they weren’t allowed to drive or work in offices. Today the scenario has changed. So, I completely believe that there will come a day when ‘being single’ will no longer be an anomaly for an Indian woman. If we keep talking about it, if we keep having these discussions, I am sure there will be a day when being single will no longer be a cause of concern for a woman. I believe that there will be a day when parents will say ‘our daughters are not our sons, they are much better than our sons!’
This article by Shailaza Singh appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on Sunday March 5, 2023
Someone who writes horror, Isn’t usually haunted by demons or ghosts. Someone who writes or does comedy, Is not always a happy soul. Dark sounding works of art, Aren’t always products of a depressed brain. Works of art are intutive expressions They don’t mean that the creator is under some depression. There are phases when words flow in a certain way Like this poem that you are reading today, But that does not mean That the creator is upset or sad, Just like a limerick does not mean that the poet has gone mad. The moon has phases Sometimes dark, sometimes light and those in between Don’t go beyond the face value or the words Nothing is real Nothing is what it seems – Shailaza Singh
There are signs That guide you and tell you what to do These are sent by an intelligence higher than you. Somedays, when you just can’t follow a plan Or things are simply not working out. Don’t fret Don’t doubt Just take a deep breath Let go If you follow your intuition The right time for the plan will come and you will know When you forget your way Or bump into an someone you haven’t met for long Don’t worry The universe is singing its old serendipity song Perhaps that person is there To answer a long due prayer There are times when people fall ill And are forced to rest But they don’t realize it is for their best, So that they can pay heed Sometimes a little rest is all they need So that they can heal their body Life is your friend if you allow it to be If you only open your heart and really ‘see’ Instead of taking stress and being in tension Pay attention There are signs That guide you and tell you what to do These are sent by an intelligence higher than you. -Shailaza Singh
Do voters have a short term memory loss, Whenever it is time for elections? New schemes, new promises Perhaps give them this infection. Or may be their hope is as stubborn as a mule. They don’t remember the killing inflation Or the rising prices of fuel. The politician dons the sheep’s hide All the promises, he promises to abide But the moment he comes power again, This time it is he who plays the amenesia game. He imposes taxes, duties with a vengeance For the public it becomes another torturous five year sentence. Then in the fifth year, he changes colours again, With promises of prosperity, progress and even rain. The voters become as gullible as the girl with an abusive boyfriend Who each morning promises to turn a new page And in the night becomes a demon and flies into a new rage. This time dear people don’t make the same mistake, Vote right, Remember it is your life and future at stake. -Shailaza Singh
We claim to have conquered the stars. We claim that our technological advancement Knows no bars. We claim to have discovered cures for every disease. Who are we kidding? When will our ego trips cease? There are still people dying of diseases unknown Pandemics are raging in the world, The problems have not lessened, Instead they have grown. We lose people to death, The doctors shrug their shoulders and say I am sorry. Cancer, heart attacks, all these diseases tell us a different story. We are still the society we were some centuries ago. Why people die or why they fall ill? We had no idea then and even now we don’t know. Or perhaps these truths are only in the hands of a privileged few Those who buy these secrets are rolling in money, which is not the case with me or you. We common folks are told about destiny and how things cannot be changed. Since eons, we have been told the same story. Don’t you find that strange? What is that has changed from yesteryears to this day? We just have more clothes to wear and better homes to stay. There are fables, myths, stories and theories about why people die or what death really means, But despite our advancements, we are no where closer to the truth it seems. -Shailaza Singh
In response to my article ‘From Jlf to It can be anywhere conference’ a reader argued that this was the best JLF in all these years. The reader’s letter along with my response. Please refer to the previous blog post for the article.
By Rakshat Hooja
How is it a festival without celebrities?
I am actually neither a fan or a friend of the organizers ( though we know each other – and hopefully may become friends ) but this was the best organized festival of its “18+ years”
My first point why I would never even consider going back to Diggi Palace Hotel is that the sound was audible in all the venues. In Diggi Palace Hotel, you had to strain to hear even in Durbar Hall.
About 270 sessions, no overrunning in any session of note. Authors would get stuck in a venue in Diggi and not be able to reach the next venue for their own session!
Another counter to S’s article there were atleast 5-6 private sessions per day for the Friends of the Festival ticket holders which were not listed in the general schedule and shared only with the FoF – (the Rs 13000 lady) with private book signing, and there were only 10 -12 people in the session. No idea where that lady was going to feel she did not get exclusive access to authors.
There was also an exclusive pool side area available to the FoFs which was such an oasis from the crowded festival venues. But somehow one foreign family and I seemed to be the only one using it.
The Jaipur Book Mark also took place year and was open to all Media – the excellent sessions were interactive with audiences of under 30. Really good. The media just used the venue for the all day snacks outside. Never saw a media person at a session!
Regarding bathrooms – the bathrooms outside the media lounge always had a line for the ladies while the gents was always empty. The participants seemed equally divided so not really sure what was happening there!
I hope Arbit will consider this a letter to the editors and publish it with its grammar and punctuation mistakes as it is typed as a quick immediate reaction.
By Shailaza Singh
Where is the spirit of the festival?
It is understandable that the long-time fans and friends of JLF would not have liked the article ‘From JLF to It can happen anywhere conference’ which was published on January 24 ,2023. However, despite some voices of dissent, I maintain my stand that this year’s JLF wasn’t the JLF that Jaipur has grown used to. From the time of its inception in Diggi Palace Hotel till today JLF has been proclaimed as the ‘greatest literature festival’ in the world. There are different versions of JLF all over the world which are based or inspired by the original JLF.
Once, while addressing a gathering at Ashok Club in Jaipur, Sanjoy K Roy, the co-director of the Jaipur Literature Festival was quizzed on what criteria does he select the venue for the many versions of JLF across the world. At that time, rumours were rife that JLF will be shifted out of its original home in Diggi Palace Hotel. He replied that he was constantly looking out for venues with a lot of heritage value and a feel-good factor. He said that for him it was important that the venue was a place which had its own history and stories that could house and integrate the spirit of the festival.
While it is understandable that owing to its location or other factors, it may have increasingly become difficult to house the rapidly burgeoning crowds and manage the logistics in Diggi Palace Hotel, however, that should not mean that the festival should be held in a business hotel like Clarks Amer, which hardly has any heritage value attached to it. It is just another hotel with white walls and can hardly match up to the cultural and historical legacy of the festival. What happened to Sanjoy K Roy’s idea of heritage or the feel-good factor that was such an integral part of his plan for JLF? Even if one would argue that Clarks Amer has excellent facilities, I beg to differ. The washrooms had queues, the interviews with the authors were difficult to record since the entire media section was housed in a hall where sections were created by mere plywood walled ‘rooms’ which had no sound proofing and hence if you were conducting an interview with another author in one of the ‘rooms’ amidst a press conference in the main hall, only God can help you with your recording or interview as you strained to hear what the author had to say above all the din. The food that was served was merely ‘sustenance’ as many people described it. Simply including dal, batti, churma or gatte ki sabji does not transform hotel food into authentic cuisine of Rajasthan which is another integral part of the legacy and culture of Jaipur.
The point is when it comes to Jaipur, there is no dearth of heritage and yet modern hotels or venues that could have been logistically and economically possible venues for a festival of this stature which has been taken to the different parts of the world mostly on the basis of its heritage value and the city and the culture it represents. Funding doesn’t seem to be a problem with JLF with government ads being published in its brochures and numerous sponsors in its kitty.
The fact of the matter is that one does not hold a music festival in the middle of an industrial area where the sounds of lathe and other machinery will simply kill the music and the atmosphere which a music festival creates. Similarly, a purely business hotel like Clark’s Amer cannot be the venue for a festival which prides itself on being such an ambassador for art and culture for the world. Just like a beautiful painting cannot be put in just any frame, JLF needs a venue which creates the ambience it speaks of.
As far as the crowds are concerned, people have always wanted to go out and explore different things. Gathering a crowd is not a difficult thing to do. Put a three-legged man or anything different or strange in the middle of the Panch Batti in M.I. Road and you can get a crowd there too. Even flop movies or movies of Govinda or David Dhawan have the ability to attract crowds but that does not mean that they are classics or they should be recorded in history as works of art or representatives of the culture of any place.
The question is not about the crowds or celebrities or even food; the question is about the spirit of the Jaipur Literature Festival. Where is the JLF which breathed art and culture and created an atmosphere where people could imbibe the centuries old ambience of Jaipur City? Where is the JLF where you felt that you have entered into a parallel world of literature where stories came alive and you could actually not just talk with the creators but also meet them and understand them as living and breathing humans and not just stars? JLF 2023 is merely an event where sessions happened, books happened and authors came but the festival did not happen.
These articles were published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit section on January 26, 2023
It is often said that when a student is ready, the teacher appears and when he is truly ready, the teacher disappears. Dr. Pavan Shorey’s life has been a roller coaster of a myriad of emotions which he has learned to deal with. He believes meeting his guru helped him to gain a new lease of life.
Dr. Pavan Shorey
The well-known author Louise Hay says that the professions that we choose are more than our bread and butter. They also represent and help us to find our purpose in our lives. Dr. Pavan Shorey, who is actually a poet and a writer at heart, chose to become an ophthalmologist, a doctor of the eyes. He has helped millions to see the world but little did he know that finding a guru would also help him to see the world with new eyes.
‘In our initial meetings, my guru told me that though the tragedy has happened but life has to go on. He told me to wait for time to heal me and in the meanwhile do my karma of looking after my parents and my son. He wasn’t one of those saffron clad gurus with ashrams. In fact, he was a householder. He never asked his followers for any money or any materialistic thing. In fact that is one mark of a true guru. He will never ask you for any money or anything materialistic. Every evening we would meet in his house in Jaipur. There were 10-15 of us who were regular attendees. He had a lot of followers in different countries too. We would start our sessions with a meditation. After that, there were discourses which were mostly about the questions that his disciples asked. In the end of the session, we would recite the Hanuman Chalisa.’
The Valley of Flowers
So, what made him write ‘Conversations on a Park Bench’ and ‘The Mountain Deer’?
‘I was associated with my guru for about ten to fifteen years. He had helped me to overcome my grief and see the world in a different way. Though he passed away in 2018, even when he was around, I always wondered why can’t there be a book with his teachings in it? When I sat down to write ‘Conversations on a Park Bench’, in 2012, I had initially thought of writing about a lady who is groped by her boss and experiences vishadh and wonders about the purpose of her entire existence. But then, I thought of taking my story and fictionalizing it.’
How long did it take for him to write the two books? ‘I finished ‘Conversations on a Park Bench’ within a year. My friend Nihal was incredulous when I told him that I had written the book in a year. According to him, a book takes years of research and writing. However, I took four years to write my second book ‘The Mountain Deer’.
But why didn’t he think of writing an autobiography? ‘I don’t believe that I am that important. I had read somewhere that the great author Khushwant Singh had once told Amrita Pritam that the story of her life was so inconsequential and tiny that it could be written on the back of a revenue stamp. I too am of the same opinion. Moreover, I believe when you write fiction, you have the liberty to create conflict to keep the narrative flowing. A personal story is quite boring because you just keep listing your achievements and failures.’
So, are there some instances in the book where fiction meets real life? ‘Yes, in fact many. But there is one incident that I can never forget. In my book ‘Conversations on a Park Bench’, there is a chapter titled ‘Who Am I’ where the protagonist Vivek is going to a meeting with his colleague Prashant. He waits for him in the parking lot of the building where he sees the watchman sitting with his wife. Their small daughter (who is toddler) is playing nearby. Prashant comes down and they get into the car. Just then, Prashant’s phone rings and he starts reversing the car while talking on the phone. As he backs the car, they hear a thump sound. They get out of the car to find that the watchman’s small daughter has been crushed under the car. Vivek is shaken by the incident but he sees that his friend is so materialistic that he has no qualms about what he has done. He strikes a deal with the watchman and the doctor who was in charge of the case and wriggles out of the situation by paying both of them some money. When the watchman protests, he tells him that the child was a girl and had she lived he would have had to pay a lot of money for dowry and her marriage. So, this amount is good enough for him. Later he boosts to Vivek about how he used his ‘marketing skills’ to get out of the situation. Vivek feels revulsed and it is then that he questions himself about his life and who he really is. This chapter was based on a real incident. There was a man who brought the body of a small child to the hospital and I could see that the poor mother of the child sitting and crying helplessly. My friend got out of the situation by giving her a mere 30,000 rupees. Tears came into my eyes when I saw the plight of this couple and I was revulsed and repulsed by the whole thing. How can someone be so callous and cruel?’
‘There is another incident in the book that has been inspired from real life. In the book, after his wife Radhika’s death, Vivek’s father-in-law asks him to return the flat which was a wedding gift to the couple. Vivek feels bad but his guru advises him to become detached with such materialistic things and return the flat. This again happened with a friend of mine. When his wife died leaving behind his infant son, his in-laws took away the baby on the pretext that he will not be able to take care of the baby. They held the baby to ransom and demanded his wife’s provident fund money, jewellery, car etc. My friend was distraught and asked Guruji for advice. Guruji promptly asked him to return everything and get his son back.’
In both his books, death has been the turning point in the story. Being a doctor, how does death affect him? ‘As a result of years of medical training, doctors develop a clinical detachment from death. Though in my speciality deaths are quite unheard of, yet I too have developed a detachment from death. This is not taught; it is just something that is passed on from seniors to juniors. But then, years of studying spirituality have also taught me that even when the body dies, there is something that remains alive. I remember an incident that I have also mentioned in my book where I had gone to meet a friend’s wife in the hospital. She had 80 percent burns as a result of a gas cylinder that had burst in her home. In such a scenario there are almost nil chances of survival and the doctors cannot do anything except give palliative pain killers to the patient. When I entered the room, she was lying in covered frame. She asked me who I was and when I said it was me, Pavan, she recognised me. It was then I realized that though the body had almost gone, there was something in her that was still recognizing and responding to me. She passed away after a couple of days.’
From a bystander’s point of view, Dr. Shorey’s life has been quite a journey. So, doesn’t he feel lonely? ‘No, I don’t. I have my practice where I see my patients. My son who is 37 years old is married and we keep meeting every now and then. I spend a lot of time with my friend Nihal and his family. Apart from this, I regularly go on treks to the mountains. I have trekked to the Valley of Flowers, the Great Lakes of Kashmir and many other such places. When I am at home, I like to spend time gardening. I love to see my flowers grow and bloom. I like reading and listening to the works of Meena Kumari, Sahir Ludhianvi, Neeraj and many other famous poets. I love the bhajans of Mira Bai. But my all-time inspiration remains Robert Frost. I also keep writing new stories and poems. In fact, I have recently written a new poem that talks about my life at 60 something.’
I am still a young 60 something
I used to walk a kilometre in 10 minutes, Now I do it in fifteen. I get a little breathless, a little tired, But I am still fit like a teen. I am still a young 60 something.
I get a muscle pull in my bums, Or a sharp pain in the back. Docs say it is aging, I say I am fit to lift a wheat sack. I am still a young 60 something.
I get up from the bed, The whole world reels around me. My friends say cervical spondylosis, But I can easily bend over backwards for all to see. I am still a young 60 something.
I get up twice at night to pee. My friends say it is prostate, I have too many fluids at night, Guys, you have this negative trait. I am still a young 60 something.
I see a beautiful woman, My heart skips a beat. Where the mind goes, the body doesn’t follow, All fantasies take a retreat. I am an old 60 something.
Please join us on the 15th of January, 4 p.m. for an exclusive interaction with Dr. Pavan Shorey where he will be talking about his books, trekking, life and much more at Sudharma, Chameliwala Market, Opposite GPO, MI Road, Jaipur.
This article by Shailaza Singh appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 15 January 2023.
‘And they lived happily ever after!’ This phrase has perhaps been a part of ninety five percent of the fairy tales, movies, stories that we may have read during our lifetimes (except for those who have a penchant for tragic endings). Most of them are simple stories – A boy and a girl meet, they fall in love, they get married, have children and they live happily ever after. What if it’s not happily ever after? What if one of them passes away? What does the other do then? Can someone still lead a happy life without your better half? How does one deal with such a loss?
A couple of weeks ago, in a strange reading binge (these days watching binges are more common) I read two books by the same author- Dr. Pavan Shorey.
His first book ‘Conversation on a Park Bench’ narrates a story about a 28 year old man Vivek Sharma, who loses his wife Radhika in a car accident. In one moment, they were happily speeding at the speed of 100 km per hour on the Jaipur Delhi highway when a truck coming from the wrong side hit them and changed Vivek’s life forever. In the aftermath of the accident and Radhika’s death, Vivek is constantly plagued with guilt and depression when he meets Dr. Madhav who helps him to conquer his grief and gain a deeper insight into life through insightful conversations. The book is peppered with conversations which weave in stories about human existence.
Conversations on a Park BenchThe Mountain Deer
His other book is titled ‘The Mountain Deer’ which is contemporary retelling of Katha Upanishad, an ancient Indian scripture which narrates the conversation between Nachiketa and Yama, the God of death. In the Mountain Deer, a young man Sarvagya ‘Shelly’ Pant, a resident of Mumbai starts questioning the very meaning of life when his grandmother breathes her last in his arms. When he has a heated argument with his father, the latter banishes him to his hometown in the Himalayas. The book takes the reader into Shelly’s tryst with the truth as he starts questioning his very existence and embarks on a very interesting spiritual journey. Naturally, when one reads such books (which have no picture of the author), one inadvertently creates the author’s image in the mind. In our first meeting, I was almost expecting to see a saffron clad monk-like, serious, solemn man who would start talking about purpose of life the moment we would meet. However, the person I met was casually dressed in jeans and T-shirt with a chilled-out vibe. His friend Nihal Mathur describes him as a doctor with a heart of a poet. So, I was prepared to hear some serious poems on the trials and tribulations of life when he recited a poem on a completely unexpected theme-
The Bespectacled Girl
Your spectacles You set aside For they imprison your eyes Your eyes, they seek release from the glassy cage You have so fashionably put
Your eyes So distant So remote I seek warmth and mischief in them
For your eyes stripped off your spectacles Will open windows to your heart.
He was quite candid. “In medical college, I had developed a huge crush on this senior student who used to wear spectacles. I wrote this poem for her but never shared it with her.’ So, does he write poems often? ‘Oh, yes! I have been writing poems from eighth class. I had written another poem which talked about the plight of the migrant labourers during the pandemic.
A Migrant’s Song
I drag myself up from a bed of stones My legs stiff as Bamboo poles l have many a hundred miles to walk Will I make it to my home, my goal Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose!
l am a 10th fail, only job i got was of a labourer Half my wage I sent to my family l slept in a Juggi, six persons to a room There were times I had to sleep hungry Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose!
I have no work, the factory is closed Hunger will kill us before the virus can I sold my phone for two thousand rupees I save it for a bus ride, if I am lucky to find one Sub kuch hai Ram Bharose!
On the way, some are runover by trucks Some are crushed by trains We were abandoned like orphans It is not in our right to cry out in pain Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose!
I bandage the foot blisters with rags I curse myself, I curse my low birth We do not matter, we do not matter A helpless rage in me, we the scum of the earth Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose!
The sun is up in the sky, I settle down to sleep I drift into a dream, wind whistling past my ears I am on a motorcycle with my wife and son I am so happy, I never was in years But dreams dont last, I wake up and trudge on The never ending road ahead of me Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose! Sab kuch hai Ram Bharose!
An alumnus of St. Xavier’s School, Jaipur, Dr. Shorey believes that the Fathers of the school helped him to discover his love for poems and stories and hone his talent.
“I loved reading authors like Dostoevsky and Solzhenitsyn. I had a strange hunger to delve int the English vocabulary and a penchant for selecting long and difficult words like ‘dilatant’ from the English dictionary and incorporating them in my writings. Once there was this essay competition in the school. Father Mayer came to announce the results and he said that the winning essay was almost like a ‘mud cake with stars’. My classmates thought that he was talking about one of their essays and when he inquired about the writer, they tried claiming it as their own. It was then that he remarked that the person who has written the essay is completely oblivious of the fact that it was his essay that was being discussed. Suddenly, it dawned on me that it was my essay he was talking about and I stood up and he appreciated my work. In fact, Father Mayer and Father Strauss were some of the first people who appreciated my writings which gave me a lot of impetus. My friend and classmate Nihal too was instrumental in enhancing my English because he used to get me books written by Dostoevsky even when I was in medical college.’
Did his parents encourage his literary talent? ‘My father was an army officer. He never read my writings. In fact, my mother loved Hindi Literature, so I developed a liking for Hindi because of my mother.’
So, how did such a literary aficionado end up becoming a doctor? ‘I actually loved English Literature. I loved writing stories and reading books. But I am the only son to my parents and I have four sisters. So, it was expected that I would take up a job. So, I decided to pursue medicine.’
Dr. Shorey with his wife Sunita and son Aviral
Though his family is originally from Himachal Pradesh, Dr. Shorey resides in Jaipur and is a practicing ophthalmologist who specializes in retina. He completed his MBBS from SMS Medical College after which he became a resident at Lady Harding Medical College in New Delhi. It was there he met the love of his life, Sunita, who an anaesthetist from Pondicherry. The couple decided to get married and were soon blessed with a baby boy Aviral. However, their happiness did not last for long as Sunita was diagnosed with lung cancer which was in its last stage.
‘Lung cancer is a very tricky disease and often gets misdiagnosed. In fact, when we finally came to know it was lung cancer, within a week she got a stroke.’
Soon she passed away and life was never the same for Pavan and his son.
He says, ‘When this kind of a tragedy happens in your life, you have the time to reflect on what has happened and why it has happened. I experienced something called ‘vishadh’ at that time. It is similar to what has been described in Bhagvad Gita’s first chapter where Arjun first sets foot on the battlefield and feels depressed when he realizes that he has to fight his own kith and kin. I was merely 37 years old at the time. My parents moved in to take care of my son. Even though I threw myself into work, I couldn’t understand what has happened. The persistent questions were ‘why me? Or ‘What have I done to deserve this? When Nihal realized my state of mind, he called me to Jaipur for the weekend and that’s how I started coming back every weekend to meet him and my other friends.’
But the questions still remained and so did the quest for the answers. ‘I didn’t understand what had happened to me and was constantly questioning my life, my existence and the purpose of my living. When I was working in Guru Teg Bahadur Hospital in Delhi, I was in touch with another doctor was in touch who I knew had lost his wife. He advised me to meet his guru Mr. Ojaswi Sharma, a law professor who lived in Jaipur at that time.’
So, did he believe that a guru would help him to ease his plight? Was he actively searching for a guru? Dr. Shorey believes that you cannot find a guru by searching for him. He is simply revealed to you at the right time. But though he believed in God, he did not believe in this philosophy. Yet, on the behest of this doctor, he decided to meet this person and attend his sessions.’
Did the meetings help? ‘Although I found his sermons and sessions to be very different from the usual preachings of most gurus, I was still sceptical about accepting him as a guru. He being a realized soul noticed my reluctance and told me I was holding myself back. He told me to let go. Yet, I felt that I did not need a guru. But one day it so happened that my son Aviral, who was studying in Central School in Delhi at the time did not return in his bus at the usual time. I set out in my car and was madly searching for him. When I couldn’t find him and nothing was working, I prayed to Mr. Ojaswi Sharma. After a minute, I saw my son standing right in front of me. It could have been a coincidence but I took it as a sign that he was indeed the guru who would help me to find all the answers that I was looking for.’
To be continued….
Please join us on the 15th of January, 4 p.m. for an exclusive interaction with Dr. Pavan Shorey where he will be talking about his books, trekking, life and much more at Sudharma, Chameliwala Market, Opposite GPO, MI Road, Jaipur.
This article by Shailaza Singh appeared in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 14 January 2023
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