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Living our life based on one person’s perspective

We all look for suns in our life. Maybe we want to be a planet revolving around that sun. In a sense, we all need some pivotal point around which we create our lives. For a baby or a child, his mother is the pivotal point around which his entire world exists. As we grow up, our pivotal points may change. For some, it is a parent or a relative, for others, a friend or a group of friends become their pivotal point. Then there are people who make their teachers, their jobs, their partner, their spouses as the center of their existence.

Creating a pivotal point is nothing new. It is natural. We all need an anchor in our life. However, the problem arises when our ENTIRE  existence is centered around that pivotal point. There seems to be nothing else in life apart from that. 

Let me give you an example. Let us say you have a parent who is your pivotal point. Every sentence in your life starts with my mother says this or my father says this. Everything you do is governed by your parents’ view point. If you do something wrong, it is not about doing the wrong thing but it is more about what would my father say if he knew I was doing it or what would my mother say if she comes to know about it. Your entire life depends on getting that pat on the back from your mother or father or friend or even your office boss.

This kind of mentality does not let you evolve into a thinking, reasoning individual with a mind of your own. But then, that comfort zone is convenient too, isn’t it?

Then, in the later years of your life, you start blaming that person for your failures and debacles and say that you did not do this because of your father or your mother or even children etc. The thing is it was you who found it convenient to follow their dictates and do anything that requires some kind of extra effort. But, we love to blame because we hate to take responsibilities for our own failures.

Becoming a victim of circumstances or parents or teachers or anyone is the best option since that somehow absolves you of all the responsibilities of setting things right yourself.

The truth is we humans are born to take risks and evolve. Had it not been the case, we wouldn’t have been flying in the air or planning to visit other planets or exploring the oceans. Living life by the parameters of one person isn’t in our DNA and that is what makes us unhappy.

So, next time you start thinking about doing something different (but positive) with your life, instead of questioning what a particular person will say about it, ask yourself what would you say about it after ten years? What you regret the decision or would you be happy?

The road less taken is possibly not taken because it is not the norm,

When you take the road less taken, people judge you on your ability, shape, size or form.

The inertia of doing the same thing over and over again,

Can lead to stagnancy and a lot of pain.

So quit following some one else’s path and start a new journey to your dream.

You don’t know what you may find, for life is strange and nothing is what it seems.

With Love,

Shailaza Singh

We go through such a lot in life. When we are young, we have dreams and some preset notions about life which are generally proven wrong by life. We face setbacks and failures that shake up the very foundation of our existence. Regardless of what we face, we carry on with those scars, little realizing that these wounds scars slowly and steadily creep into our psyche and alter the very perception of life. Yet, most of us don’t even think about healing these wounds.

In the movie Dear Zindagi, Dr. Jahangir Khan (played by Shahrukh Khan) has a very interesting observation. He says that when we get a disease like jaundice or typhoid or even cancer, we love to tell every one about it. However, when there is a problem with our mind we hide it or deny it as if the mind is not even a part of our body.

When my husband passed away, I did not know how to react. My marriage was not a very happy one. I had tried to reason with my husband but to no avail. I was hoping that some day he would see the light and come back to his daughter and me but, his death took away that hope. So, when I was told about his death, I had no idea what I was feeling. The days that followed are kind of blank in my mind. I went through the normal motions of life. I tended to my daughter, I did what I was supposed to do, but something in me had probably died with him. I thought life would never be the same again. However, I had not accounted for the resilience that tries to save us at these times. It was the kind of resilience that makes a person come up for air when he is drowning in water

Though I felt dead to the world, there was something in me that wanted to be okay. I told my parents that I wanted to go for therapy. I had read Dr. Brian Weiss’s Many Lives, Many Masters and many other such books that talked about therapy. I was sure I did not want medicines. All I wanted was to understand the reasons for whatever had happened in my life.

Therapy to the people around me was something akin to the treatment of some one who had gone mad or lost his mind. They resisted. They had seen too many movies about hypnosis and people trying to control other people and believed that a therapist can hypnotize his patient and make the patient do anything that he wanted. After a lot of cajoling, they finally gave in and I visited the therapist for the first time.

I had told the therapist that I did not want any medicine and she was okay with that. She asked me to talk and she simply listened. That was something I had not done for a long time. Actually, today, it is impossible for people to take out time to listen to anyone in such detail. Life today is a hectic affair where people are busy running after their desires and dreams. As I talked, she asked me questions which helped me to find answers to the questions that I did not even know I had.

Slowly and steadily with each session, I gained some understanding and insight into my situation. She hypnotized me but I was conscious of everything around me (those fears were unfounded). She helped me to understand the true meaning of letting go, of forgiveness, of love. Slowly, with each session and the exercises she had given me, the fog in my mind cleared. I stopped blaming myself, I stopped blaming the world. I started understanding the ‘me’ in myself a little better. There were times I cried like crazy and at those times I realized crying is important to let go.

I realized that we let these hurts, disappointments, setbacks, problems accumulate in the closet at the back of our mind for years. We do not address them. Unexpressed emotions are constantly shoved to the back of the mind. Then one day, a storm opens this closet and all those small hurts and disappointments combine to become a big, huge monster that makes us think that life is not worth living. Don’t let that happen. Seek help and resolve your issues. There is nothing wrong in doing that.

I started writing about my experiences during this time. However, I was still reluctant to show it to the world. My therapist helped me to realize that what really matters in this entire story is my reaction to the situation. What people think about me is not my problem. Understanding my past helped me to understand my patterns, my thoughts and my emotions and resolve them.

I don’t claim that my healing is complete. There are still setbacks, there are still times that the past raises its head, there are times I get overwhelmed by the challenges of life. However, what really did happen was that I understood my self a little better. I understood my own reactions, my own tendencies and perhaps that helped me to deal with everything.

Today, there are cures for many diseases which were deemed incurable earlier. However, no one has been able to find a perfect cure for the problems of the mind. We keep facing setbacks in our lives, in relationships but we hardly pay attention to what these experiences do to our inner self. Perhaps, we need to first understand ourselves more than the people around us. Therapy can help us to do that in a big way. Don’t worry about what people will think of you.

No matter how accomplished we are just like we need a mirror to see our selves, we need some one else to help us understand ourselves.

The blockbuster “3 Idiots” has brought about a significant change in our thinking. Thanks to this movie, a lot of people have realized that it’s important to do what you love rather than following the dictates of the society. Parents are no longer forcing their kids to take up clichéd profession like engineering or medicine. Instead, they are quite happy with their kids finding their true passion and carving their own path in the road of life.

So, how do you find your passion? Do you know what you want to do? Moreover, if you know what your passion is, then do you know how to convert it into a profession?

Passion is all about doing things from your heart. So, to find your passion, you need to do some serious soul searching. Passion can be defined as something that you like doing over and over again. It can be anything, from watching television to reading books or even daydreaming. On the other hand, if your profession or business is your passion, then you will love doing it. You will love facing challenges and beating the odds every day. You may work long hours and get tired but deep down you will satisfied and happy about it. When we work at something that we are passionate about, we love trying to find new ways of doing it or growing in it.

Different people discover their passion in different ways. Some discover it by accident, some by intent and for some it’s a spiritual awakening. Ace choreographer and performer, Shiamak Davar reveals that he was guided by his soul guides “Bhavnagris” to take up dancing about 26 years ago. At the time, Shiamak had no idea that his passion would translate into such a successful career for him and millions of dance enthusiasts around the world. For the cultural activist and dancer, Dr. Navina Jafa, finding her passion has been a process of self discovery.

Well known television actor, Mohan Kapoor who has given some spellbinding performances in soaps like “Laagi Tujhse Lagan” and “Kitni Mohabbat Hai” says that acting ‘just happened’ to him. He loved facing the camera and now acting has become his passion. He loves experimenting and exploring new horizons in the field.

Devraj Singh, the owner of the famous restaurant “Mirch Masala” has a different tale to tell. A government employee, Devraj loved cooking Rajasthani dishes for his family and friends. During one of his many parties, his friends advised him to turn his passion into a profession. Devraj liked the idea and soon “Mirch Masala” was born. Today, his restaurant is quite popular in Jaipur.

So, what does it take to turn your passion into a successful career? Actress and singer Manasi Scott believes that it’s about faith. She feels that people who pursue their passion need to constantly believe in a higher power and be optimistic regardless of whatever happens.

Indeed, faith does play an important role in pursuing your passion. The owners of “Moolis”, an Indian restaurant in downtown London can vouch for this. Sameer Singh, chef Raju and Mathew Chandy gave up their secure jobs to run pursue their dream of opening up an Indian restaurant in London. Initially, thanks to the recession, the going was tough. However, the trio kept their faith and thanks to their efforts, today “Moolis” has become one of the most popular restaurants in the city!

However, following your passion is not a piece of cake. It takes a lot effort, persistence and determination. Neeru Raghuvanshi who has been exporting Rajasthani handicrafts for the past 15 years can tell you about it. Her job requires extensive travelling. Being a home maker, she tries to balance her work and her family. Nevertheless, she doesn’t mind the deadlines and challenges, because her business is her passion!

Behavioural trainer, Abhimanyu Rathore agrees. He believes that doing something you love gives you the deepest satisfaction and makes you a happier and a more fulfilled person. He believes that the world today is open to experimentation and you can make a career out of anything, as long as you are good at it!

How to turn your passion into a profession

Here are some steps you can use:

1. Get to know and understand your real self. What is it that lights your fire?

2. Research on how you can turn your passion into a profession or business. Look up people who have been able to do it. Talk to them and find out what it takes.

3. Take one step at a time and slowly inch your way towards your goal.

4. What are the things that limit you? Is it money, training, education or simply fear? Search for ways to tackle these fears. Ask friends to help you.

5. Act! Don’t procrastinate! The time to act is now. Doesn’t let fear of failure bog you down! Like Nike says it “Just Do it”

There is nothing more everlasting than hope. There is nothing more fragile than hope. Yet, there is nothing more persistent than hope.

No matter how many disappointments we face, no matter how many challenges defeat us, we still hope to win one day. We hope that one day, we will truly become the heroes that we are. We hope that one day some one will recognize us for our achievements. We hope that one day we will truly be awarded our place under the sun.

It is this hope that makes an artist create a plethora of masterpieces, each better than the other. It is this hope that makes a writer create stories, even when all his stories can see is the inside of a cupboard or a bag. It is the hope of achievement that makes children strive and work hard. It is this hope that helps patients of deadly diseases that keeps them away from the darkness of despair that some day they will defeat their nemesis.

We all have a wellspring of hope inside us which keeps feeding us thoughts of a better tomorrow. Hope is a wonderful thing for it is the foundation of faith. It is the hope that creates the faith and it is the faith of a mustard seed that moves the mountains and creates an entire universe.

So in that hope and faith I wish you a very merry Christmas. May your hope be everlasting and may your faith create the world that you’ve dreamed of. 

– Shailaza Singh, author of Faith- The Mystery of the Missing Girl.

Do you know Gods die? Gods are born and they die. We’ve had Gods from the beginning of time, ever since we became humans. We fight over Gods and never understand that Gods die but love does not. Love is the real God.

Even the mightiest of the Gods die,

Oh yes, they do.

It is shocking isn’t it?

After all the hullabaloo!

Ask the ancient Greeks, Romans, Indians, they will tell you,

Each civilization begets a God new.

Then come the misdirected religious bigots that fill people with such rage,

That vanish, crumble and disappear after the end of an age.

Nothing remains forever, yet people fight for momentary righteousness,

Hurting and killing and creating this mad mess.

Only love remains in the end, in this never-ending time and space,

And it is love that creates a new era and a new race.

But as the new race grows, they somehow want their new god to reign supreme,

To suppress and subjugate, the elusive power remains every civilization’s eternal dream.

You think at least now they would have realized looking at the thousands of years of history,

That no one will win in this pointless struggle, it is no mystery.

We want to prove that our God, our way is right and true,

We forget that no one will live eternally, neither me nor you.

Neither my God will survive, nor your God will live for long,

So lets just forget this fight and sing the ever-lasting, eternal love song.